How do you do it in a relationship? I have always been curious about it. Lets say if a girl makes as much as you ~ 300,000, works the same hours as you, then whats the best way to stay happy in a relationship?
I was of the idea of transparency in marriage is essential and that there should be a joint account where both spouses contribute to bills/savings etc.
But there is a girl I talked to with same earning potential as me, and she told me that she thinks man should take care of all the expenses! I asked if she would be contributing and she was like maybe some bills, not all, and she would be doing lots of shopping with her money! lol. She leaned more towards having separate accounts.
I am really not sure how I feel about this? Has anyone come across a similar situation? Are separate accounts better so we don’t have to be accountable to how/what money we spent? Just split the bills and savings while keeping the account separate?
So she thinks men should pay for everything? That would be fine if she believes women should cook and be the primary caregiver for the children, i can work with that. If she wants to have it both ways then that’s a red flag, cut her off asap lol.
Yes that kinda threw me off. Although there is much more to a marriage than money, but whats the point of having your wife work 60 hrs a week when she would barely contribute to ‘household’ wealth.
apparently day care or we would switch around our shifts so sometimes me. She doesn’t have a brother so she would also be supporting her parents which is fine by me. I guess thats the reason why she wants to keep things separate?
Well, anyways, I never really thought about finances until recently. Her views seemed odd to me but idk, maybe I am in the wrong
I tend to take an egalitarian approach when it comes to these kinds of things. I think both incomes should be factored. The above scenario does sound a bit like someone who wants to have their cake and eat it too. My main concern would be that you as the partner would eventually grow to resent this kind of set up (and who could blame you?) If she was more traditional minded and wanted to stay home (perhaps not working more than a part time job or none at all) with the children then her not contributing financially does make sense. But that’s not what she appears to want.
For me personally, should I find myself in another relationship, I’d want the incomes prorated to be fair. It is unfair to ask the partner earning 50% less in the relationship to cough up an even 50% of expenses. Either way, ironing out how finances are to be handled is definitely a good idea in the beginning stages! You should be free to be frank with your concerns to her in this regard. :k:
It is customary that what ever wealth a wife brings into a marriage is hers alone and a husband receives what she decides, check it out with the religious scholars if you follow a religion!
therefore it is recommended to stay in ones economical/financial strata…remember in essence marriage is a business contract!
Islam does require men to pay for everything and women can keep their money however it also requires women to raise the kids and sleep with her husband when he wants. Feminists don’t believe that but Muslim Feminists want it both ways.
Very good point, thats why you have to meet in the middle on both sides… and compromise, if one or both parties can’t do that. Why are they still married? Thats why marriage is a huge sacrifice, you have to be willing to sacrifice time, money, ego, etc in order to support/work with the other person.
Islam provides a basic contract for the husband/wife to follow, but if you decide like adults what works for both of you than its all good.
I would be fine with that kind of arrangement. The way I would do it hypothetically would be to pay for the necessities and anything over and above she can cover with her own earnings.
Pisiform Sahib on a more serious topic before you get married I suggest you remove this silly/obnoxious so called location **“Ischioanal Fossa” from your Profile on GS **because
if the lady you marry discovers its meaning then you will have **more trouble other than financial.
**The ischioanal fossa (formerly called ischiorectal fossa) is the fat-filled space located lateral to the anal canal and inferior to the pelvic diaphragm.
Is this a marriage or a banyyagiri? did you read about the man in Vegas who gave his life to save his wife’s. I never discussed money with my wife, I wonder why desis are obsessed with money?
I think this is a broader question for you both to think about. If she doesn’t want to contribute towards household expenses then she must contribute in other ways. Marriage requires equal work from both partners, which can come in different forms (ie. providing financially, raising children, cleaning, cooking, household errands and associated tasks, etc).
Also, I think it’s important to discuss in what ways and how much the potential expects to help their family. I know of a girl that was 100% independent of her parents and vice-versa, like they were pretty well off and the guy’s parents were not. About 40% of the guy’s monthly salary went to the in-laws and she was super upset with that which caused problems later on. So its better to talk it out so expectations are clear and everyone’s on the same page.
I never mix money and love, money is only worth what I can do for my family. I don’t spend it on myself. I just took a big pay cut so I can take Harris to his practice and watch him become a man.
Don’t just think how you can make your wife to agree to do something, think of its cost aswell.
All women are not the same. I know a couple of women who earn and contribute more money and time toward their household than their husbands, yet stay respectful toward him. Unfortunately most women do not have such a big heart. Best is to let the woman keep her money if you want her respect. This includes movable or immovable assets she may have owned before marriage or through inheritance.
It is husband’s duty to provide money for a basic living for his wife and children. Anything above and beyond is completely voluntary.
Also debate and try to resolve money issues(#1 cause of divorce) BEFORE marriage. There are two advantages of that. First, both will enter into marriage with right expectations. Second, during conflict resolution both will learn a lot about the other. Have you ever wondered why some marriages are called off due to disagreement on the amount of mehr? It’s almost never about the mehr but some trait revealed during conflict resolution that puts off the other side.
In Islam a man is supposed to provide for his wife and whatever his income is, keep her in that manner, not just provide her with basic essentials. A woman is allowed to work as well and her money is hers to keep. However, that view may not be held by many people. It’s good that you discussed everything before hand with your wife to avoid conflict later. Nowadays in the west, most desi households have a joint account and both spouses work and contribute equally. Better for you to find someone who adheres to that viewpoint.
For a working woman to not contribute to the household kind of baffles me. Yes from an Islamic point of view that money is hers to keep as she pleases, but in this day and age when both husband and wife are working it only makes sense for both to contribute.
My husband earns a lot more than I do, but I still contribute to our joint savings. Our pay checks go in to our seperste accounts and then we both transfer money into a savings account. We have goals we are trying to achieve and it would feel so…incomplete if we were to achieve them with just his hard work, while I went out and blew my money on myself and my family. He doesn’t excpect me to contribute, he holds the viewpoint of ‘I’m the man, I’ll look after you and my family’ but I’m sure he appreciates the fact that I do.
We get to where we need to be quicker too. It’s a win win really.
I don’t know why nobody mentions that raising kids and looking after the house is also a very important full time job, much harder than a standard 9-5.
If I ever got got married, and my wife decided to stay and look after the home, I will be extremely grateful to her as her contribution would have been far greater than mine will ever be.
However in case if she decides to work, which would be totally her own decision, then the equation might be a bit different. If she works part time and makes a small amount of money compared to me for reasons like her career progression, personal satisfaction or just as a time pass, then I do not think I will be comfortable taking any money from her. On the other hand if she has a high paying job which is demanding and takes up most if not all of her time then I might expect her to contribute something towards day-to-day running of the house as the expenses will definitely go up.
