Guys

[BruceWayne]

Re: Guys

I’m also looking for a cougar, 25+

[badabing]

Re: Guys

@eastern11

You are an investment banker. You probably make a pretty penny! Hard to find someone who matches all that ( 50% of household expenses I presume) and is compatible on a mental level too as well as physically attractive. Top that with the pre nup. Nothing wrong with protecting your assets, though. Good luck with all that.

It’s good that you are sure about what you want and have laid it out there too, no surprises. I hope you do that with your future wife too.

This is the era of equality - for me that’s both in rights and responsibilities. Push come to shove I can finance a nanny/governess for the children - but I expect my wife to pursue a 30+ year career; I expect nothing less of my sister or any daughter that I have. As far as looks go, look, I’ve been brought up around very attractive women in my household, all educated etc. - they’re nakrah isn’t worth it imo. I rather marry a 6 or 7 out of 10 then a 9/10. Once they’re naked in bed, it’s all the same.

Over here, 2 weeks can’t go past without some aunty jee or the other letting my mum know about some daughter/sister/niece etc. who’s looking to get married or how their rich daddies are offering this or that to sweeten the deal. I need a woman I can feel safe in a relationship with, I could probably retire within 5 years and never have to lift a finger in my life again. However, from experience, offering a life of luxury to a woman doesn’t bode well either - they take you for granted, plus the sex becomes mercy or duty sex! A woman imo needs to have ownership in a relationship, both in rights and responsibilities. There is an oversupply of educated beautiful Pakistani women here relative to men of a similar standard. My demands are clear, I’m not one of those play it by ear types.

[aqua70]

Re: Guys

@badabing

This is the era of equality - for me that’s both in rights and responsibilities. Push come to shove I can finance a nanny/governess for the children - but I expect my wife to pursue a 30+ year career; I expect nothing less of my sister or any daughter that I have. As far as looks go, look, I’ve been brought up around very attractive women in my household, all educated etc. - they’re nakrah isn’t worth it imo. I rather marry a 6 or 7 out of 10 then a 9/10. Once they’re naked in bed, it’s all the same.

Over here, 2 weeks can’t go past without some aunty jee or the other letting my mum know about some daughter/sister/niece etc. who’s looking to get married or how their rich daddies are offering this or that to sweeten the deal. I need a woman I can feel safe in a relationship with, I could probably retire within 5 years and never have to lift a finger in my life again. However, from experience, offering a life of luxury to a woman doesn’t bode well either - they take you for granted, plus the sex becomes mercy or duty sex! A woman imo needs to have ownership in a relationship, both in rights and responsibilities. There is an oversupply of educated beautiful Pakistani women here relative to men of a similar standard. My demands are clear, I’m not one of those play it by ear types.

I have to ask, what would entice a hard-working, humble, willing to split the expenses 50/50, and above average girl to marry you? All of the things you listed above are your wants, I don’t see what the girl is getting out of this relationship.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Guys

@badabing

I’m a 29 year old British Pakistani investment banker who would like to marry someone in a few years who as you put it, is a professional career woman. I don’t expect my wife to do maid service - me and my brothers do our own cleaning/laundry (not doing anyone a favor) nor do I expect a roti making machine (I cook my own food or eat out). I under no circumstance want a dolly bird - more trouble then they’re worth. I want someone I can feel safe in a relationship with and someone who understands with me its one strike and your out - 1 word 3 times, we’re done. No think of the kids, think what people will say etc - let the chips fall where they fall. The same rules apply to my relationships with parents/siblings/friends/relatives/business acquaintances. In fact I’ve cut off a large proportion of my relatives/friends for their betrayals and mischievous nature.

This is the era of equality - I expect my wife to work and contribute to household expenses (hers/mine household - not my parents). Those who will spout Islamic views on the wife keeping her money, i’m kool with that, then she shouldn’t expect 50% of my net assets if we divorce, keeping it all sharia complaint after all. i expect her to go back to work after she finishes maternity leave no stay at home mummy bs - we can get an au pair. I expect her to sign a prenup. That pretty much sums it up.

P.S. No wahabi’s please.

LOL, I think you’re looking for the wedding forum. There are rishta ads up there. You sound nice, I’d hook you up with people in London if I knew any.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Guys

@BruceWayne

I’m also looking for a cougar, 25+

26 yr old is a COUGAR?? WTH does that make me?

Lol, a black mama bear.

[badabing]

Re: Guys

@aqua70

I have to ask, what would entice a hard-working, humble, willing to split the expenses 50/50, and above average girl to marry you? All of the things you listed above are your wants, I don’t see what the girl is getting out of this relationship.

Haha, very good point. Well, for a start, she’ll be getting a 29 year old guy who is financially independent of his parents and isn’t a typical Paki. guy who wants his wife to cook and clean for him or iron his clothes or any other typical bs paki guys expect of their wives - expecting such things of your wife makes me cringe. I’m also not a typical mummy daddy boy like most pakistani guys, I’m a reformed bad boy - if I feel my parents are in the wrong, I tell them - I don’t skirt around the issue like most desi’s with the mind set that elders can’t do or say no wrong. So what would a British Pakistani woman rather have, me or a typical pakistani family where she goes off to work, comes home, cooks and cleans and does kidmatdari of the in laws? None of these things apply with me and my family - again, such things make us cringe, we all lead very independent lives.

From an aesthetics point of view, she’ll get someone who works out twice 4 times a week, is 6ft tall, light skinned and some who takes care in the way he dresses and grooms. I also don’t talk or dress like a chav on my days off like most guys around my age. I have a lot of outside work interests like rock climbing, hiking, fishing and shooting which I enjoy a lot. Again, I have the means to not require my wife to work a day in her life, but I will chose not to offer her this purely because I would want her to have an equal stake in the relationship - both in terms of rights and responsibilities, whether it be financial or in the decision making process.

Again, I deal with the markets on a daily basis, so as such, I view the rishta market in a similar manner. As of today, there is a British Muslim Pakistani spinster crisis - Google it. Guys go off to Pakistan to get a bride whilst girls of a similar age are left on the shelf well into their thirties unwilling to import a hubby from the motherland or face the stigma attached to marrying outside of the community (although this is less of an issue nowadays - my cousin married a gujji and will my sister this summer). This isn’t me being arrogant, or boastful about who I am and my station in life, its a fact - there are more educated professional British Pakistani women then there are educated successful financially independent British Pakistani men, especially ones without the the whole in laws interfering drama. The reason why people push my family asking about me and my younger brother is they have seen how we have kept my other two sister in laws - my mum and dad do not interfere at all, such an environment, in my experience is gold-dust. My sister in laws do what they want, when they want. Wake up when they want, cook, don’t cook, clean, don’t clean etc. without my parents even uttering a word to them or behind their backs to my older brothers. Neither works as my brothers don’t want them nor need them to work - both SIL’s actually prefer it this way.

I have no problem finding anyone on my own, but in my experience finding someone of a similar social standing, liberal background, from a Lahori background back home, but not to liberal that she’ll want to start swinging within a year of marriage is something I am finding difficult. I’m still positive though, looking to get hitched by around 33ish - 4 years to find someone.

Prenup is a must, first rule in life - protect yourselves at all times!

[eastern11]

Re: Guys

For what it’s worth , he’s an investment banker. I don’t care about all that but I am glad to see a Pakistani in that profession. Most Pakistanis think there is nothing more worthwhile than being a physician. As if other professions are not worth it. Even money wise many investment bankers make a lot of money. I am not running down any profession or endorsing anyone’s views. Just glad to see a well educated Pakistani out there.

@aqua70

I have to ask, what would entice a hard-working, humble, willing to split the expenses 50/50, and above average girl to marry you? All of the things you listed above are your wants, I don’t see what the girl is getting out of this relationship.

[badabing]

Re: Guys

lol.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Guys

@eastern11

For what it’s worth , he’s an investment banker. I don’t care about all that but I am glad to see a Pakistani in that profession. Most Pakistanis think there is nothing more worthwhile than being a physician. As if other professions are not worth it. Even money wise many investment bankers make a lot of money. I am not running down any profession or endorsing anyone’s views. Just glad to see a well educated Pakistani out there.

There are more than you think. Look into Muppies. It’s yuppies for muslims. All non-physician professionals who meet up. In fact, if you’re a doctor, you can’t get in. They will reject your application.

But they do meetups, and socials, so it’s nice you can just go and meet people.

[eastern11]

Re: Guys

[what do your brothers do(in terms of profession)?QUOTE=badabing;10289055]Haha, very good point. Well, for a start, she’ll be getting a 29 year old guy who is financially independent of his parents and isn’t a typical Paki. guy who wants his wife to cook and clean for him or iron his clothes or any other typical bs paki guys expect of their wives - expecting such things of your wife makes me cringe. I’m also not a typical mummy daddy boy like most pakistani guys - if I feel my parents are in the wrong, I tell them - I don’t skirt around the issue like most desi’s with the mind set that elders can do or say no wrong. So what would a British Pakistani woman rather have, me or a typical pakistani family where she goes off to work, comes home, cooks and cleans and does kidmatdari of the in laws? None of these things apply with me and my family - again, such things make us cringe, we all lead very independent lives.

From an aesthetics point of view, she’ll get someone who works out twice 4 times a week, is 6ft tall, light skinned and some who takes care in the way he dresses and grooms. I also don’t talk or dress like a chav on my days off like most guys around my age. I have a lot of outside work interests like rock climbing, hiking, fishing and shooting which I enjoy a lot. Again, I have the means to not require my wife to work a day in her life, but I will chose not to offer her this purely because I would want her to have an equal stake in the relationship - both in terms of rights and responsibilities, whether it be financial or in the decision making process.

Again, I deal with the markets on a daily basis, so as such, I view the rishta market in a similar manner. As of today, there is a British Muslim Pakistani spinster crisis - Google it. Guys go off to Pakistan to get a bride whilst girls of a similar age are left on the shelf well into their thirties unwilling to import a hubby from the motherland or face the stigma attached to marrying outside of the community (although this is less of an issue nowadays - my cousin married a gujji and will my sister this summer). This isn’t me being arrogant, or boastful about who I am and my station in life, its a fact - there are more educated professional British Pakistani women then there are educated successful financially independent British Pakistani men, especially ones without the the whole in laws interfering drama. The reason why people push my family asking about me and my younger brother is they have seen how we have kept my other two sister in laws - my mum and dad do not interfere at all, such an environment, in my experience is gold-dust. My sister in laws do what they want, when they want. Wake up when they want, cook, don’t cook, clean, don’t clean etc. without my parents even uttering a word to them or behind their backs to my older brothers. Neither works as my brothers don’t want them nor need them to work - both SIL’s actually prefer it this way.

I have no problem finding anyone on my own, but in my experience finding someone of a similar social standing, liberal background, from a Lahori background back home, but not to liberal that she’ll want to start swinging within a year of marriage is something I am finding difficult. I’m still positive though, looking to get hitched by around 33ish - 4 years to find someone.

Prenup is a must, first rule in life - protect yourselves at all times!
[/QUOTE]

[taffer87]

Re: Guys

A few points:

1- Prenups don’t really give you much protection in the UK

2- I work in IB front office too but would never be proud if I start thinking about relationships the same way as analyzing the market. Working in IB does this though - to a lot people. The best way (in my view) is to genuinely like someone to begin with and then all these calculations hopefully become meaningless.

3- Agree re in laws point and the UK marriage “market” being good for good guys.

@badabing

Haha, very good point. Well, for a start, she’ll be getting a 29 year old guy who is financially independent of his parents and isn’t a typical Paki. guy who wants his wife to cook and clean for him or iron his clothes or any other typical bs paki guys expect of their wives - expecting such things of your wife makes me cringe. I’m also not a typical mummy daddy boy like most pakistani guys - if I feel my parents are in the wrong, I tell them - I don’t skirt around the issue like most desi’s with the mind set that elders can do or say no wrong. So what would a British Pakistani woman rather have, me or a typical pakistani family where she goes off to work, comes home, cooks and cleans and does kidmatdari of the in laws? None of these things apply with me and my family - again, such things make us cringe, we all lead very independent lives.

From an aesthetics point of view, she’ll get someone who works out twice 4 times a week, is 6ft tall, light skinned and some who takes care in the way he dresses and grooms. I also don’t talk or dress like a chav on my days off like most guys around my age. I have a lot of outside work interests like rock climbing, hiking, fishing and shooting which I enjoy a lot. Again, I have the means to not require my wife to work a day in her life, but I will chose not to offer her this purely because I would want her to have an equal stake in the relationship - both in terms of rights and responsibilities, whether it be financial or in the decision making process.

Again, I deal with the markets on a daily basis, so as such, I view the rishta market in a similar manner. As of today, there is a British Muslim Pakistani spinster crisis - Google it. Guys go off to Pakistan to get a bride whilst girls of a similar age are left on the shelf well into their thirties unwilling to import a hubby from the motherland or face the stigma attached to marrying outside of the community (although this is less of an issue nowadays - my cousin married a gujji and will my sister this summer). This isn’t me being arrogant, or boastful about who I am and my station in life, its a fact - there are more educated professional British Pakistani women then there are educated successful financially independent British Pakistani men, especially ones without the the whole in laws interfering drama. The reason why people push my family asking about me and my younger brother is they have seen how we have kept my other two sister in laws - my mum and dad do not interfere at all, such an environment, in my experience is gold-dust. My sister in laws do what they want, when they want. Wake up when they want, cook, don’t cook, clean, don’t clean etc. without my parents even uttering a word to them or behind their backs to my older brothers. Neither works as my brothers don’t want them nor need them to work - both SIL’s actually prefer it this way.

I have no problem finding anyone on my own, but in my experience finding someone of a similar social standing, liberal background, from a Lahori background back home, but not to liberal that she’ll want to start swinging within a year of marriage is something I am finding difficult. I’m still positive though, looking to get hitched by around 33ish - 4 years to find someone.

Prenup is a must, first rule in life - protect yourselves at all times!

[badabing]

Re: Guys

My oldest brother is medic, second oldest looks after my dads business interests and youngest is about to go into a tier 1 invesment bank here in London after graduating from Uni this summer.

[badabing]

Re: Guys

If no prenup, then only nikah without civil marriage contract - anyone watch the fight this weekend? Referee Kenny Bayliss said explicitly, gentlemen, protect yourselves at all times!

As far as analysing relationships in terms f markets, can’t help it, it is what it is with, risk vs reward in every decision I make.

[eastern11]

Re: Guys

I know there are PCG ( everyone in my town is super desi number one), but everyone here In the U.S. has the sheep mentality of physician or IT . I love doctors, PCG, don’t get me wrong, my own mom went to med school in Europe. But desis have a herd mentality and run after money ( I know you are not like them) . Maybe I like the investment banker part because I have a business degree myself ( nothing to do with investment banking though). Most desis don’t know that a lot of investment bankers can give many physicians a run for their money.

I don’t know where you are going for these meet ups. Every where I go, I hear, doctor, doctor, doctor for rishtas and socialization. Maybe they feel doctors will monopolize the meet up. Could be. I know you are not like that PCG. I have read your posts.

@PyariCgudia

There are more than you think. Look into Muppies. It’s yuppies for muslims. All non-physician professionals who meet up. In fact, if you’re a doctor, you can’t get in. They will reject your application.

But they do meetups, and socials, so it’s nice you can just go and meet people.

[eastern11]

Re: Guys

@badabing interesting ! Medic i.e an EMT , right?
Anyway you probably work crazy hours as an investment banker. Probably won’t see much of wifey.

[badabing]

Re: Guys

Lol, medic as in cardiologist. Most days I leave my house around 6.30 am. finish work about 5.30-6pm - 2-3 evenings a week I’ll go off to the pub or off to dinner to network. My lifestyle is fairly balanced.

[eastern11]

Re: Guys

Good! Well educated family MA!

@badabing

Lol, medic as in cardiologist. Most days I leave my house around 6.30 am. finish work about 5.30-6pm - 2-3 evenings a week I’ll go off to the pub or off to dinner to network. My lifestyle is fairly balanced.

[badabing]

Re: Guys

Nah, I wouldn’t say educated, imo anyone can regurgitate info from a textbook on to an exam paper. I admire those that innovate, they are smart.

[TLK]

@tubelight:10288625

So money it is!
.

No it’s not money, aye raa’ee kaa pahar banaanay walay Desi person!

It’s about security. If my wife is capable of earning, then an unfortunate job lay off is not going to impact my family as bad as compared to the situation if I am married to some nazuk paree haseena who is not capable of earning, and can’t even make round Rotis.

[aqua70]

Re: Guys

@badabing

Haha, very good point. Well, for a start, she’ll be getting a 29 year old guy who is financially independent of his parents and isn’t a typical Paki. guy who wants his wife to cook and clean for him or iron his clothes or any other typical bs paki guys expect of their wives - expecting such things of your wife makes me cringe. I’m also not a typical mummy daddy boy like most pakistani guys, I’m a reformed bad boy - if I feel my parents are in the wrong, I tell them - I don’t skirt around the issue like most desi’s with the mind set that elders can’t do or say no wrong. So what would a British Pakistani woman rather have, me or a typical pakistani family where she goes off to work, comes home, cooks and cleans and does kidmatdari of the in laws? None of these things apply with me and my family - again, such things make us cringe, we all lead very independent lives.

From an aesthetics point of view, she’ll get someone who works out twice 4 times a week, is 6ft tall, light skinned and some who takes care in the way he dresses and grooms. I also don’t talk or dress like a chav on my days off like most guys around my age. I have a lot of outside work interests like rock climbing, hiking, fishing and shooting which I enjoy a lot. Again, I have the means to not require my wife to work a day in her life, but I will chose not to offer her this purely because I would want her to have an equal stake in the relationship - both in terms of rights and responsibilities, whether it be financial or in the decision making process.

Again, I deal with the markets on a daily basis, so as such, I view the rishta market in a similar manner. As of today, there is a British Muslim Pakistani spinster crisis - Google it. Guys go off to Pakistan to get a bride whilst girls of a similar age are left on the shelf well into their thirties unwilling to import a hubby from the motherland or face the stigma attached to marrying outside of the community (although this is less of an issue nowadays - my cousin married a gujji and will my sister this summer). This isn’t me being arrogant, or boastful about who I am and my station in life, its a fact - there are more educated professional British Pakistani women then there are educated successful financially independent British Pakistani men, especially ones without the the whole in laws interfering drama. The reason why people push my family asking about me and my younger brother is they have seen how we have kept my other two sister in laws - my mum and dad do not interfere at all, such an environment, in my experience is gold-dust. My sister in laws do what they want, when they want. Wake up when they want, cook, don’t cook, clean, don’t clean etc. without my parents even uttering a word to them or behind their backs to my older brothers. Neither works as my brothers don’t want them nor need them to work - both SIL’s actually prefer it this way.

I have no problem finding anyone on my own, but in my experience finding someone of a similar social standing, liberal background, from a Lahori background back home, but not to liberal that she’ll want to start swinging within a year of marriage is something I am finding difficult. I’m still positive though, looking to get hitched by around 33ish - 4 years to find someone.

Prenup is a must, first rule in life - protect yourselves at all times!

Hmm interesting. Well good luck badabing because as far as I see it, you are looking for a needle in a haystack. Your requirements are not hard to find, however most of them will have a problem with your past. And the ones that won’t, wouldn’t want to ever a lift a finger in their life. I am sure there is someone out there though, so in the words of Dory, “Just keep swimming.”