It makes no sense when men get upset with women who don’t want to live with in-laws. The arguments I hear are:
“Women are supposed to make more sacrifices than men”
“That’s the way our culture works…you want me to change it all now?”
“What’s wrong with my family?”
Blah Di Blah
My point here is…unless you actually start walking in someone’s shoes…don’t pretend as if you know what they’re going through or have to deal with. You don’t.
You should try and be understanding but don’t make her out to be the villain just because she doesn’t want to wake up living with strangers who probably won’t like her for the rest of her life.
Re: Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?
I agree. Men, along with the in-laws and everyone else, forgets the fact that a woman has to basically leave her entire life behind and adapt to the new family, literally overnight. They forget that she can't be "perfect" at the snap of a finger when she not only left her old lifestyle but also got new family members and now has to adapt to a new set of rules all together.
Re: Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?
So you saying years of tradition where a newly married girl lives with her inlaws is wrong? Most of the time there is no other choice financially for husband or wife.
Why would the wife make a big drama and refuse to live at her inlaws. Is it such a big sacrafice? You want your own parents to live alone?
Re: Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?
So you saying years of tradition where a newly married girl lives with her inlaws is wrong? Most of the time there is no other choice financially for husband or wife.
Why would the wife make a big drama and refuse to live at her inlaws. Is it such a big sacrafice? You want your own parents to live alone?
No, it's more about the fact there is lack of understanding and acknowledgment for what the girl has done. Not saying she's doing a favor but she is entitled to some sort of support and acknowledgment for what all that she left behind. Also, a better support system would be nice too, esp. from the husband when she voices her problems/concerns.
Re: Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?
No, it's more about the fact there is lack of understanding and acknowledgment for what the girl has done. Not saying she's doing a favor but she is entitled to some sort of support and acknowledgment for what all that she left behind. Also, a better support system would be nice too, esp. from the husband when she voices her problems/concerns.
Basically, don't take her for granted.
The problem is women taking their husbands for granted and not realizing how tough it is for them to balance two relationships at a time, the wife and his own family. Your husband can't always be there for you.
I'm sure the MILs understand what the girl goes through, saas bhi kabhi bahu thi after all. Are you married yet?
Re: Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?
The problem is women taking their husbands for granted and not realizing how tough it is for them to balance two relationships at a time, the wife and his own family. Your husband can't always be there for you.
I'm sure the MILs understand what the girl goes through, saas bhi kabhi bahu thi after all. Are you married yet?
That's the thing, why do guys always assume that a woman will ask him to choose between her and his mom/family? Most girls who have common sense know not to do that, knowing it isn't reasonable and, to be honest, it's not fair either. Of course, not all women are like that and that's where the problems start. And sadly, not all MILs are like that either. So many MILs end up looking at DILs as "competition" and how they're taking their son away from them. It's quite petty.
And no, I'm not married, just engaged. And I have very good communication with my future MIL and we talk on the phone frequently and she's a wonderful woman. Of course, who knows what problems may arise when I get married and move in but at least I know I'm not going in with bad intentions or to "steal" her son away from her, lol.
Well he and i can take care of our parents even without living in the same house as them. Yes, if my parents didn’t have a son then this could be considered however that is most likely not going to work as i have said before it goes against basic human nature.
Now, i am sure you will say then why it is more important to stay with husband’s family. Well that is way of life for me, a girl gets married and moves in to a new family so she needs to live with them in order to build her new family.
Re: Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?
Why do men not get pregnant instead? Or at least breastfeed their babies? Why are women biologically programmed to do that instead? How is that fair?
Why do men not become full time home-makers? Why aren't they taught to raise a family and take care of the household instead of getting them prepared to go out and earn a livelihood for themselves and their families?
Some things are just meant to be the way they are, it is the natural order of things and it has been working out perfectly well for centuries. Just because feminists want the women to start to pee standing up doesn't make it a legit and sensible cause to fight for, or even ponder. Now be a good girl and go fix the man of the house a sammich.
Re: Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?
Dunno why you always gotta twist what the OP is saying.
Reha makes a good point.
Forget the social norms and all that for a second, if a man goes to live with his inlaws he's most likely not going to be head of the household especially if the FIL has a strong personality. You won't be able to make decisions without consulting him, he'll be at the head of the table at dinner etc etc. You might be happy when it's your own father but when it's someone else, it's going to drive you crazy that someone else is the boss of you... that's why you guys can't imagine doing such a thing (living with wife's parents).
So why do you think it is so easy for a woman to do it? She wants her own space, her own home where she can set things up and have her own routine that is not dictated by her MIL etc etc. Look at all the threads we've had in life1 over stupid things like kitchen conflicts between MIL and DIL. But you can't blame them. Imagine if your FIL was all up in your business over which car you should drive or something.
