Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?

[ninja_hattori]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

will guys be allowed to nag their wives to move away from their in-laws?

will guys be allowed to complain about their in laws?

will guys be allowed to take care of lunch and dinner of their in laws?

will guys be allowed to file case under domestic violance act?

if answer is yes then i think at least few guys will be more than happy to live with their in laws

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

even in his own house (where he is living with his parents) HIS FATHER is head of the household - what in the world are you talking about

uve got a bogus hypothetical situation that has no meaning under this thread

@stoppit

Dunno why you always gotta twist what the OP is saying.

Reha makes a good point.

Forget the social norms and all that for a second, if a man goes to live with his inlaws he’s most likely not going to be head of the household especially if the FIL has a strong personality. You won’t be able to make decisions without consulting him, he’ll be at the head of the table at dinner etc etc. You might be happy when it’s your own father but when it’s someone else, it’s going to drive you crazy that someone else is the boss of you… that’s why you guys can’t imagine doing such a thing (living with wife’s parents).

[stoppit]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@stoppit

**You might be happy when it’s your own father but when it’s someone else, it’s going to drive you crazy that someone else is the boss of you… that’s why you guys can’t imagine doing such a thing (living with wife’s parents).
**

Did you even read what I said? I can’t even find the words to express how stupid I think you are most of the time.

[nadeemnirvana]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Deeba1234

How is it ‘the natural order of things’ and ‘basic human nature’ when hardly anyone outside the desi culture does it??

In Japan, China and South Asia, large parts of Africa, the Middle East it is the norm. It is also common is some european countries like Poland, Greece, Turkey. Also in America you have Mormons and other sects. And South America like Brazil too, so I dont think its restricted to just our culture. its well well over 50% of the worlds population that does it this way.

I think the question should be why do girls in our culture increasingly make a big issue out of it.

[Jolie]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

^ Maybe in some very conservative parts of Italy and Spain as well.

Actually I should mention rural parts.

[kakee]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@nadeemnirvana

In Japan, China and South Asia, large parts of Africa, the Middle East it is the norm. It is also common is some european countries like Poland, Greece, Turkey. Also in America you have Mormons and other sects. And South America like Brazil too, so I dont think its restricted to just our culture. its well well over 50% of the worlds population that does it this way.

I think the question should be why do girls in our culture increasingly make a big issue out of it.

its not
please don’t make stuff up about other countries. ie japan & china

[nadeemnirvana]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@kakee

its not
please don’t make stuff up about other countries. ie japan & china

Im not making stuff up i googled it

[Exodus]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

Reha, the beef of your message is pretty easy to understand. However, could’ve been done better and with an obvious ‘nice’ little tone attached to it. Just my .2 cents.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@nadeemnirvana

In Japan, China and South Asia, large parts of Africa, the Middle East it is the norm. It is also common is some european countries like Poland, Greece, Turkey. Also in America you have Mormons and other sects. And South America like Brazil too, so I dont think its restricted to just our culture. its well well over 50% of the worlds population that does it this way.

I think the question should be why do girls in our culture increasingly make a big issue out of it.

**Errr no.. the guys don’t live in their parents’ homes forever.. if inlaws are living with the couple they usually move into their home.. see the difference?? Totally different dynamics and expectations..
**
For Arabs, Turks and in most other Muslim cultures a DIL moving into her inlaws home (the way we do it anyway - as in shared living quarters.. bathroom + kitchen) is a HUGE negative so no it’s not only ‘girls in our culture’, it really is most of the rest of the world outside the Hindu influenced subcontinent..

[Exodus]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Deeba1234

**Errr no.. the guys don’t live in their parents’ homes forever.. if inlaws are living with the couple they usually move into their home.. **see the difference??

For Arabs, Turks and in most other Muslim cultures a DIL moving into her inlaws home is a HUGE negative.

Umm usually what I’ve actually seen and dare I consider it to be the trendy little environment set within the Pakistani neighborhood. It is almost always the inlaws of the wife’s that get to accommodate her or the couple, unless stated otherwise prior marriage with a certain set of predetermined plans of the couple themselves.

[Nisha25]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@kakee

its not
please don’t make stuff up about other countries. ie japan & china

what’s the norm in japan after a couple is married in terms of the guys’ family and the gal’s family?

[Jolie]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Exodus

Umm usually what I’ve actually seen and dare I consider it to be the trendy little environment set within the Pakistani neighborhood. It is almost always the inlaws of the wife’s that get to accommodate her or the couple, unless stated otherwise prior marriage with a certain set of predetermined plans of the couple themselves.

Its not all black and white as far as the social norms and cultural of Pakistan the country is concerned. Pakistan is not sufficently designed to accomadate the practice of individualism that way West is (yes it took them years). From socio-economic angle, an average guy under 30 in Pakistan is not economically established enough to provide a seperate house for his wife, in a decent area with a comfortable enough lifestyle. Though all that could be achived in the West even with an average salary. Thats why in Pakistan they have the common practice of girl moving into her husband’s house because its convenient. If girls start putting up the demad for separate house as a condition for marriage, really 80% of women of Pakistan will never get married. lol Economic revolution and social change go hand in hand!

Thats the story of Pakistan…you lot can carry on talking about the miseries of Pakistanis living abroad.

[yeswekhan]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Deeba1234

**Errr no.. the guys don’t live in their parents’ homes forever.. if inlaws are living with the couple they usually move into their home.. see the difference?? Totally different dynamics and expectations..
**

You’ll find that guys in joint families in Pakistan don’t live in their parents’ homes forever either, they eventually move out (or inherit the house) when their kids start growing and they need space of their own. You just want to make it sound like it’s exclusively a desi thing when it’s not. I wonder if you think of a Pakistani joint family as the typical Star Plus haveli where all the family members, kids, grandkids and great-grandkids live under one roof under the baray babujee’s tyrannical rule.

People start off in joint families here because houses are usually big and it’s tough (economically) to live independently as soon as you could in a western country.

[nadeemnirvana]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Nisha25

what’s the norm in japan after a couple is married in terms of the guys’ family and the gal’s family?

After marriage, the young couple often live in the same house as their parents. A desire for some separation between the generations has led to the phenomenon of nisedaijūtaku (二世代住宅[SUP]?](http://www.paklinks.com/wiki/Help:Installing_Japanese_character_sets)[/SUP]), literally “two generation housing”, a single house which contains two complete separate living areas, one for the parents and one for the younger generation.

from : Housing in Japan - Wikipedia

[Exodus]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Jolie

Its not all black and white as far as social norms and cultural of Pakistan the country is concerned. Pakistan the country is not sufficently designed to accomadate the practice of individualism that way West is (yes it took them years). From socio-economic angle, an average guy under 30 in Pakistan is not economically mobile enough to provide a seperate house for his wife, in a decent area with a comfortable enough lifestyle. Though all that could be achived in the West even with an average salery. Thats why they have the common practice of girl moving into her husband’s house. Economic revolution and social change go hand in hand! Thats the story of Pakistan…you lot can carry on talking the miseries of Pakistanis living abroad.

Excuse me for the very last part mentioned and in bold. Sorry but that for me, literally is an attempt to kill the whole argument altogether. Now you’re free to come show the usual aggressive self of yours for obvious to you reasons. But what is right, is right and what is wrong, is actually wrong. And I will do my best to stand behind what is right and you will to what you deem is right to you. No specific reasons to battle it all out with someone who herself claims (from her previous posts) to be a Pakistani to a certain very extent. Perhaps an enlightening/knowledgeable experience for us, it may well be.

Worth noting, I may just well be stupidly blunt or rude to some, however I do speak of what my heart, mind or experience combined speaks/believes of and with no obvious strings attached. No offense intended. Not that this defensive statement was needed, just thought I did let it out.

So all kept aside. As far as the argument/debate goes, what is sufficient for you or me may not well be sufficient for the rest of the people of Pakistan or vice versa, so how about we just speak about what Julie, Exodus or Deeba has to say/believe and of course to the best of our knowledge about the matter in hand?. We speak for ourselves, we have no right to speak for the country that is, Pakistan, or for that very matter, the people living in it.

Now coming back to the age figure you’ve desolately provided which comes to the number of ‘30’. Now to you, there may be individuals you’ve come across that may not be able to provide for their wives in Pakistan. Conversely there also are living examples of people who are fully capable of providing and sufficiently for their wives and even at the age of 26. I could provide for examples if you wish to dig in deep and with no obvious effort.

Now if we were to compare the living lifestyles of the west to Pakistan, I bet its all dandy financially on the other side of the pond. But there are a certain number of things that a couple or their future offsprings are being deprived of while being in the West. So hence it all comes back down to an equal amounts of benefits. Either be culturally, religiously tested yet be financially secure in the west OR be financially a little less secure yet be totally aware of the religious, cultural perspectives a mother or a father wishes to instil in their own very children.

Choice is pretty self explanatory and indeed is for all of us to make. But saying only a 30 year old is capable enough to provide for his loving wife, I’m sorry but the thought went outright unsold.

[Jolie]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

Nice to know your views.

[Exodus]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Jolie

Nice to know your views.

Disappointed to know yours. However, respect remains mutual and equal.

[Jolie]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Exodus

Disappointed to know yours. However, respect remains mutual and equal.

I’m sorry that I made the mistake of commenting on Pakistan the country, will keep that in mind next time.

[Exodus]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@Jolie

I’m sorry that I made the mistake of commenting on Pakistan the country, will keep that in mind next time.

Uhh. Shukriya?

[Jolie]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

No thanks at all.