Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
it's the worst when parents tell you to kinda flirt with ppl and hint that other girls can find their own husband and catch a good husband material's eye why can't you.. my mom has said it for years but recently my dad is hinting at that. like it's so easy or something...
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Its all a waiting game until tomorrow I guess?
Maybe they will give a definite answer tomorrow but do not freak out and go on a thinking spree if they dont. Give yourself a decent amount of time for him or his family to come back. A week or so would be a fair idea
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
it's the worst when parents tell you to kinda flirt with ppl and hint that other girls can find their own husband and catch a good husband material's eye why can't you.. my mom has said it for years but recently my dad is hinting at that. like it's so easy or something...
Hahaha I know right. Its not like we snap our fingers and suddenly the right guy is in love with us! I wish!
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
The only other thing I would suggest is to pray Istikhara. You did it with the first rishta...it gave you sense of direction and some peace of mind regardless of how things turned out. So, do the same this time as well.
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
^ okay did this poster always make this much sense?
istikhara ker lo but do it for your own peace of mind. You cannot change directions in which his mind is going.
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
^Istikhara doesn't change the direction. Rather you ask Allah to do what is best for you and you ask him to make you content with His well..and that's where the peace of mind comes from. I think it helps.
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Well actually last night i Did the istikhara dua whilst just lying in bed, I didnt do actual proper salat.
Maybe its a sign?
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
are you calling he OP a fat lady or the guy a fat lady? or is it the future MIL? im so confused
inspiron guys are like buses… ek jaata hai dusra aa jaata hai 
if both of you are right for each other Allah will make it happen, if either one of you is wrong for the other then Allah will not make it happen.
never ever get hurt when Allah takes something off of your hands…be sure that he is leaving you empty handed to place something better in your hands… rishta process be they arranged or love are emotionally taxing… I know it …but just have faith in Allah that you will get whoever is meant for you no matter what.
If this guy is meant for you you’ll have him… if not then sooner or later the guy you’re supposed to be with will cross your path
it is natural to feel disappointed whenever something happens that we do not expect or plan… but we need to remember that ultimately Allah controls our destiny aur jis cheez ko hum sochte hain humaare saath bura huwa its not necessary that it was truly a bad experience …we’re short sighted so we see it that way but every experience is meant to teach us a lesson, or make us strong, or is meant to be a turning point in the path of our life towards something better. You just need to have faith in Allah and thank him in all situations… if u get a baat pakki in this situation offer your thanks to Allah and even if you don’t offer it anyways because you should be thankful k rishta nahin huwa because he may not have been the right person for you and Allah knows best who is for you and who isnt
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
^Istikhara doesn't change the direction. Rather you ask Allah to do what is best for you and you ask him to make you content with His well..and that's where the peace of mind comes from. I think it helps.
I think it does change directions. For example if someone is 'on the fence' regarding a decision or something may have put him/her off after hitting it off initially, an istikhara may help him/her decide whats best. But one has to believe in istikhara completely for that to happen.
Thats my understanding of it
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Lets say they call tomorow and say YES! Are you ready to go ahead with this rishta?
You don’t have to answer me but yourself! :k:
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Yeah so if they're on the fence....then Allah guides them. But if you look at the translation of the dua....it says that you're asking Allah to do what He knows is best for you in this world and the next. So...Allah would only be guiding you (when you're on the fence) to what HE already knew would be the best path. So, it's not like His decision on the matter would change. I get what you're saying though.
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Guys you know what - more than ANYTHING if they do say No, the one thing that I have to really try not to do is internalize this rejection and make it part of my identity.
I tend to do that and my confidence gets affected. :(
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Guys you know what - more than ANYTHING if they do say No, the one thing that I have to really try not to do is internalize this rejection and make it part of my identity.
I tend to do that and my confidence gets affected. :(
oii it is part and parcel of the game known as ' Desi arranged marriage ' ....
Dont worry , we will find you some one good soon :)
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
are you calling he OP a fat lady or the guy a fat lady? or is it the future MIL? im so confused
Nani Ammah - All I meant was ... You cant do much here so just wait till you receive a final ' Yes' or ' NO' ... she aint against the clock here :)
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Guys you know what - more than ANYTHING if they do say No, the one thing that I have to really try not to do is internalize this rejection and make it part of my identity.
I tend to do that and my confidence gets affected. :(
Look I'm not trying to be mean. But you come here seeking a confidence boost and most of us like helping out. And the advice that we give (which boosts your confidence) is not worded falsely in a way to make you feel better....it's worded in a common sense way. For example, when a perosn is HARD on themselves....it totally warps their perceptions and they don't see clearly. Thing is...you can seek that encouragement from random strangers on an online forum or from your friends and family....but it won't amount to much if YOU don't set YOURSELF straight.
You've had several years in the making of YOU as a person....it involved your upbringing, your education, your friends, your experiences, your own inherited individuality. "Guys" did not factor too much or too often into this. Even with this guy...let's say he rejects you...how much of an impact or contribution has he made to your life ....that you should make HIM and his rejection a part of your identity? The answer is...not much.
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
You were thinking about everything waaaay too much before you had even met him properly. He on the other hand, I bet barely gave it real thought before, so now he is probably thinking all those things over.
It may well be a 'no' but don't jump to conclusions and keep an open mind - if you like him (putting aside this current situation). I know a couple who had a rocky beginning (in this case it was the girl who suddenly decided she needed more time when his family came over to do the 'baat pakki') but now they are happily married.
I agree with this. I think, as girls, we tend to overthink everythign in the beginning. With guys , from my experience, they go into it without putting as much thought into it UNTIL they meet the person. So maybe he's really trying to figure out how he feels...I know it might hurt a little, but look on the bright side--it's better/mature of him to do this NOW then go into it w/o thinking and suddenly decide that its not the right decision when you guys are actually engaged/married.
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Guys you know what - more than ANYTHING if they do say No, the one thing that I have to really try not to do is internalize this rejection and make it part of my identity.
I tend to do that and my confidence gets affected. :(
dont do that to urself love... nobody is rejecting you in any case... if they say no they're not rejecting u...they're rejecting the rishta...and i know it may seem like one and the same thing but its not...it says nothing about you as the girl it just means they didnt find the rishta compatible to them... really nothing to do with you ... im trying to get my point across but i feel like im having trouble articulating it...still I hope you get what im trying to say to you.....and plus if you are thankful to Allah u shudnt be internalizing anyways... u shud be grateful for whatever happens cuz whatever happens is bets for you as He knows
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
RV - i get what you are saying, I actually feel I come here for good practical advice, for a confidence boost i go to certain friends who are like omg you are so hot blah blah.
What I have done in the past with my ex ( i was in a relationship for 2 years) is when it was all over I convinced myself something was wrong with me.
I know in this case - if they say no, I will think - whats 'wrong' with me? what could i have done better/differently? Although these thoughts are almost irrational - I do get them, and I have to find a way to boost my confidence levels to not let these thoughts affect me and also learn how to control these silly thoughts.
An example would be ' maybe i was skinnier he would like me better?' although this is a silly thought due to a messed up past relationship I do have low confidence sometimes and its something i really need to work on.
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
i know… i was just messing with you … 
Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
dont do that to urself love... nobody is rejecting you in any case... if they say no they're not rejecting u...they're rejecting the rishta...and i know it may seem like one and the same thing but its not...it says nothing about you as the girl it just means they didnt find the rishta compatible to them... really nothing to do with you ... im trying to get my point across but i feel like im having trouble articulating it...still I hope you get what im trying to say to you.....and plus if you are thankful to Allah u shudnt be internalizing anyways... u shud be grateful for whatever happens cuz whatever happens is bets for you as He knows
yeah i get what youre saying :)
Its not that there is something wrong with me per say it we werent right for eachother.