Re: Guys - my engagement is off ( i think )
Inspi, remember, you were not very excited with this rishta and you were thinking hard and making up your mind to say yes. So its not that he would say NO to you. In the first place, you were not very sure of him. Remember, you didn’t feel anything for him initially. You might just be saying Yes because they have said Yes to you. This happens with us yaaar. Happened with me alot. Finding suitable rishtas are sooo difficult these days and because of the rejections girls face in arranged setting, there comes a time when we just say yes because the other party has said YES to us, irrespective of the fact that we don’t like them a lot, as if we don’t have any marzi and liking to be considered for our own marriage decision.
After unsuccessfully tyring in an arranged setting for a few years, we are kinda exhausted. When our parents refer some proposal to us, we might not necessarily like the proposal. However, we do tend to consider the rishta since we think our parents know the best and also because we want to get over it and want to give our parents peace of mind. We give ourselves reasons that we are not feeling for the guy because its arranged, we will start liking him when we are engaged/ married to him etc etc.
If they say No to you, remember, its Allah’s way to save you from a not-so-perfect rishta since Allah mian knew you were NOT going to say NO because you felt desperate, you wanted to get over this process, you wanted to be obedient to your parents etc. Don’t feel bad about it. If they No to you, start thinking about the things which made you not soo keen with this rishta. If, by any chance, they say yes, you should think again whether to proceed with him or not. I would not, if I were in your place.
**Be brave honey. You will be fine Insha Allah
Thank You Ashy - you expressed everything I am feeling/going through so articulately into words and you totally get it!
Thanks everyone for the advice
Zobia and Hareem - he had already said yes to his and my parents, the engagement dates had pretty much been set and I the words ’ baat pakki’ had been exchanged so yes he was my finace to be and obviously he wasnt my bf, thats not what happens in arranged marriages.
