I went to see my sister this weekend. I found out that my husband is sharing very intimate details about us with my brother in law, and he was sharing detail about my sister to my husband (which is extremely gross I don’t know how my husband could have done that to me).
I found out about this when my husband told me that my BIL was saying this and that about my sister and I was SHOCKED. I was like how did he shared those things with you did you said something about us? And he was like no I will not say anything like this about you. When I got up in the morning I was still very upset about what my BIL did, so I went and asked him why he was sharing their sex life’s detail with my husband and I told him the hadis that husband and wife are suppose to be clothes for each other and then he told me that do you know who started this whole thing who started to share the details about sex life (referring to my husband that he was the one).
My husband was upstairs at the time I was talking to my BIL. When he found out I confronted my BIL and my BIL told me that my husband was equally involved in sharing my sex life with my BIL. Instead of being sorry my husband started to act up (saying stuff like I have nothing to do with your family anymore (in front of them) and I am leaving right now etc…).
He never showed any remorse. The whole way we were driving back from my sister’s house (14 hrs drive) he did not try to apologize. So after we can home I packed my bag and left the house because for me this is a serious breach of trust if I cannot trust him to keep our sex life private then I cannot trust him for anything and what makes it worse is that he never tried to even apologize.
Later I realized that he is sharing stuff with his friends as well because I remember my husband telling me that xyz was telling me that if you have religious wife (referring to his wife, who is religious) it is better because you will enjoy you sex life more and the same friend made a comment in front of me when we asked him and his wife to join us for camping, since it is so romantic under that stars he replied that whatever romance you are going to do we can video tape it and send it to me.
Also my husband told me that my ‘x’ friend and his wife has to watch certain videos before he can do anything and I was like why the hell he is sharing that kind of stuff with you. I remember telling him that it changes my opinion about your friend and I will never be comfortable with him whenever I will see him or his wife I will think about the stuff you have told me about them. I told him that if you discuss me in this manor to your friends I will never forgive you.
I especially asked him before going to my sister’s house that do not discuss my sister or me and gossip about us at all (since last time when I went to see my sister my husband was telling me a lot of bad stuff (not sexually related though) about my sister that my BIL said).
So now not only they discussed us but in worse possible manor (which really disgust me)
After all the warning I have given him, do you think I have over reacted when I left the house?
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such idiots.
so, all the characters in this story are adults and real people... who're married?
wicked...
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That is sad.
it's just your husband who is like this, not all the guys.
Wow, I don't even know what to say. This is so sad. And what's scary (don't mean to scare you) is that hearing such personal details can illicit images in one's minds. And to know that your BIL might have such images of you (thanks to your husband).........and that your husband might have such images of your sister (thanks to her husband).
Yes, it's a breach of trust.........the two men can't even trust each other, lol. And after what happened........I wouldn't be surprised if your husband and your BIL are not going to be as friendly or chummy with one another. Had your husband apologized......maybe you might have stayed at home and you could have sorted this out.
He didn't apologize......because he's being defensive.....it's an ego thing......he doesn't want to admit that he's wrong.......he doesn't want to think that it's Islamically wrong.......he doesn't want to face the fact that he has embarrassed himself within your family. He doesn't want to confront any of this......so he's acting like there's nothing wrong with it.
Maybe staying away from him could bring him to his senses. Or if this has been a serious problem...perhaps counseling could be something to consider. I wonder how effective getting an Imam to talk to your husband would be. That way your husband would be embarrassed that the Imam is talking to him about his personal life........and you could point out to him that he shouldn't feel awkward considering that he himself was discussing bedroom details with other people....and at least you did it for religious guidance. I dunno. I hope that matters resolve soon for you.
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This is really sad and shocking......dont knw wat to say...if a husband can share such intimate details with his friends...then how can secrecy n trust of the relation can be kept????? :(
I hope things get well between u and ur husband...n he realizes his mistake!
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I am truly floored. All I can come up with right now is that YOU didn't overreact.
What your husband did is a massive breach of trust and decent behavior.
And oh yeah...give what RV said a try.
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You didn’t over-react. Your husband actually deserves a slap on the back of his head for such pathetic behaviour. And the fact that he hasn’t apologised makes it even worse 
.
What kind of a person would want to share such stuff with his friends? Only an idiot person would share such stuff with his friends. Don’t want to offend you by calling your husband ‘idiot’, but considering what he did I suppose the word i choose to describe him is justified.
And, No, not all guys are like this. Anyting that goes on between a Husband & Wife must remain secret, specially when it comes to sex life. Sharing such stuff with someone whom it doesn’t concern isn’t right, not in my eyes.
You should make him apologise!
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^An insincere apology is meaningless...it can make things worse (especially if she knows he doesn't mean it).
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Wow, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I would have done the same thing, if I were in your place. Does your sister know about this? Maybe she should. She would be really upset with you if she found out that you knew and never told her.
I don't understand why he did not apologize. Ok, I know guys are more open about this kind of stuff with their friends. Go ahead, share YOUR stuff, not your wife's. Just because you two have a (sex) life together, does not mean you own her sex life to share it. I am disgusted.
hug I am sorry you have to go through this.
If he comes around to apologizing or something, get him to see a professional. I mean there is nothing wrong with him in a psychological way to be doing this (don't know if there are other issues). But this is indeed a huge breech of trust. Maybe there are other underlying reasons and you/him will be able to discover them.
All the best!
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Oh lord.. that's just so sad. Not every guy is like that. Is your husband the first one to share this with your BIL and his friends.. that's how I see it... and then he gets info off other people about their sex life. Not every guy is like that.
Khair whatever it is... maybe its just his nature.. trying to know about what others are upto and sharing his private life with others. Not sure if this is curable :( What's worse is, he doesn't realize his mistake.
I agree with RV's suggestion. Have a religious person talk to him and explain him that this act is not acceptable in Islam, the consequences of it etc.. Maybe he'll understand and realize his mistake.
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I'm sorry to say this, but your husband and your BIL are a pathetic excuse for a human being.
Both you and your sister should do yourselves a favour and leave. This is one of the biggest breaches of trust a husband can commit against his wife. What makes this situation so bad is that there is no going back. He has said already shared intimate details of your sex life with all his friends and your BIL. All the damage is done...he cannot undo this.
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Wow. Very gross. Not sure if this is normal for guys and ad I don't hold much stock in desi boys I'll refrain from commenting.
However, honestly, I think that the whole bit of your sister's husband being involved with your husband, really seems sick. He and your BIL just have sick images if each other's SIL's. Not sure but I thought a guy should treat his SIL like a sister not another sexual creature (he should do that with all other women too but we all know that men are dogs)
I'm sorry. You did not overact. I hope he comes to his senses and treats you with some respect.
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no guys are commenting?
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^^ oh here ya go ..
yehp it serves him right that you left him ..for now .. lets hope he tries to make it upto ya .. but if he dunt then you have a right to react as you have..
And its great that you mentioned the hadith .. The hadith as it goes is ''the intimate matters between husband and wife should not leave the four walls of your bedroom i.e. your house'' and what teh Qur'aan says is about the husband and wife being clothes for each other .. Is a metaphor that the way the clothes cover the body same way the husband and wife should cover each other i.e. keep their life a secret and also what mufassireen derive from this is that only men and women are to marry i.e. no homosexuality. Main point is that the life of each other ..not just intimate but also quarrels and arguments problems etc should stay secret between the husband and wife.
That’s really sick. Maybe the guys here can better advise on whether or not sharing such intimate details is normal. I’m still feeling grossed out by your post because your husband and BIL could very well be imagining you and your sister in their heads. And it seems like such intimate details often pop up in conversations between your husband and his friends… I wonder who is starting these discussions, your husband or his friends.
I don’t blame you for leaving your husband, that’s a humiliating experience. He needs some sort of intervention, perhaps religious counseling like RV suggested. Or whenever you’re ready to go home, talk to him… tell him that since he’s so approving of sharing info about your sex life, why doesn’t he talk to his parents about it too? Ask him if he would approve of hearing details about his sister’s sex life and remind him that your sister is like his sister too.
:k:
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wow, that's the lowest of the low
and the worst part is, he's acting like hasn't done anything wrong
there is a special place in hell reserved exactly for this sort of betrayal
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your husband is really sick and disgusting. i would be so humiliated if my husband shared our sex life with my sisters husband! that is gross
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what a sad git your husband is.. tell him not to do it again or else there would be zero trust in the relationship.