To make a short story short. I met a guy when I was on holiday and we clicked instantly. He is Pakistani too. We met up couple times. Nothing happened, we just spent a LOT of time together talking. Yes initially he was super flirty and forward but when he realised nothing frisky was gonna happen he still stuck around and asked to swap contact details.
Now the issue is, although he did call and whatsapp me regularly, he spoke to me a LOT MORE on FB through random comments, tags, etc. Silly 2/3 minute convo, but all day everyday. Just a week ago my mum got a bit annoyed with me (I know, why the hell do I have any fam on FB but try deleting them - impossible) cos of the amount of silly comments he was writing on all my posts (both pretty active on FB). Now, we had already had this convo before - about not commenting flirtly comments on FB and he even apologised. A week ago when I brought it up and asked him to stop it a bit - he totally stopped. As in NO communication whatsoever. He even stopped calling/texting. A few days passed and I messaged him again and I even apologised cos I kinda dropped it very bluntly but he hasn’t even replied. He initially said HI back straight away but when I apologised he just read it and did not reply. It’s been a week of absolutely no communication - the longest we have not spoken/communicated since I left my holiday (2.5 months ago).
I know it may sound silly and all, but this is the first guy I have met in over 6 years (since my ex) which I felt a real connection and attraction to. I honestly like him a lot. I know distance/not same country etc etc is already an issue but at least we could be on speaking terms. I’m not sure what to do. His bday is next week and I thought by now he would have replied so I could wish him. I am thinking to anyway but you know how it is - I don’t wanna come off desperate/clingy - esp to a guy so far away who is not my BF or anything really.
Hope this made sense, if you need for context/info let me know. Otherwise, please advise me?
Sarcastic replies are legit gonna get baadwa from me lol.
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
Yeah, thats what i have been doing so far. But it feels so awkward. and with his bday coming up do i bother wishing him or just add to the ongoing awkward silence lol
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
You are better off without him, a guy you are supposed to spend a life with is a guy who will take a bullet for you. Desis who have thin skins and big egos are the worst possible partners and fathers. Attraction for opposite gender is a normal hormonal response, don’t confuse hormones for sth else. Many of these guys flirt with many girls. Please don’t feed his ego as he seems to have one big enough anyways. If he respected you he would respect your wishes by listening the first time.
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
Don’t wish him happy birthday. Please don’t. You may have felt a connection with him, but as fun as it was…it was a superficial connection at best. If there was any depth in this connection, he would have maintained contact with you. Even if he had lost interest in you, it’s common courtesy to at least give some sort of response when a person apologizes to you…instead of leaving you hanging which isn’t a nice thing to do…and he knew what he was doing…it’s not a mature way to behave. “But at least we could be on speaking terms”…why? Why is it so necessary for you that he be on speaking terms with you? Why is it necessary to maintain a friendship with him? Your feelings for him are much stronger than what he feels for you..because you’re freaking out that he has disappeared whereas he doesn’t seem to mind being away from you. If he were truly vested in you, he wouldn’t disappear or blow hot and cold. So what’s the point of being on “speaking terms” with someone who does not reciprocate your feelings with the same intensity? This type of unequal equation usually leads to heartache.
Lastly, go for a guy who gives you izzat…who won’t attempt getting frisky until after a nikkah. These days people don’t wait that long…unfortunately. If he’s going to attempt friskiness waaaayyyy before committing to you, then it’s a sign of lack of control…and it should make you question, “how exactly does he perceive you?” It can be lots of fun talking to a guy…even more so if you also find him physically attractive…but that “fun” can easily cloud your judgment. So take a step back and really ask yourself whether this connection was a deep on or just a superficial one. A deeper, more meaningful connection…entails self-control, and mutual respect, and shared values and long term goals.
You reached out to him after he disappeared, so now the ball is in his court. But don’t be waiting for him to contact you. Just live your life. If it’s in your destiny, you’ll end up with him…if it isn’t then you won’t. But seriously, based on what you’ve shared about him…don’t wait for him. Move on. And even if he does contact you after a few more days…or weeks…move on.
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
Agreed with both redvelvet and Bobby. Don’t message him again, stay far far away from guys who take offense to little things and have big egos. You didn’t have to apologize in the first place for asking him to not go overboard with the comments on fb. Speaking from experience, if you do contact him again, it may lead to a roller coaster ride which will make you wish you had never met him.
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
I think it can mean 2 things either he has a very big ego or either that guy is thinking not to get to close with you because because that would create an inseparable bond which is hard to avoid & can cause major problems in the future…!
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
Life is too short to keep making mistakes, I look around me and learn from others mistakes and successes. My wife and I are the youngest in large families so I got to see what older siblings did right or wrong.
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
Don’t message any further and move on with your life. If he thinks you’re as important as he is to you he will not let you go. Move on with your life as if he was never there to begin with.
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
He’s a guy who has stopped talking to you and did not even care enough to reassure you when you apologized to him…so he’s showing you that you’re not on his mind. So why do you want to “reward” his behavior by showing him that he is definitely on your mind?
He’s not an immediate family member or extended family member or employer or coworker. He doesn’t pay your bills. He didn’t rescue you from financial distress or from some dire situation. So why is it so necessary for you to wish him a happy birthday?
You say you don’t want to feed into his maturity…so basically you want to show that you’re the more bigger, mature person. Well…there are other, better opportunities for you to show your maturity and “barapan” …such as giving charity, helping a person out, or some other naik deed. It’s not necessary for you to prove your maturity and goodness and bigness specifically to him…you can do it in other ways.
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
You messaged him, apologized and he didn’t answer, it happens. Don’t worry yourself to much about him and just know that there will be others. He’s not the last man on Earth. I know it’s easier said than done but you gotta stay strong and not give yourself into the temptation of thinking about him too much.
Re: Guy stopped talking to me cos of my mum?!?! Need advice!
Yes, you all are right. I think I will just keep the communication cut off.
It is just very weird cos the place where I holiday, where I met him, I go REGULARLY!!!
But, I guess I didn’t know him the other times I had been…
