There is currently a guy very much interested in me. We are similar in personality and get along great. But there is one thing about his past that really bothers me. He had two girlfriends; the last of whom he really loved. Last July they broke it off because her parents weren’t agreeing of their wedding, and it took him many months to get over her. Now he says he’s completely over his first love, but I don’t feel comfortable with his story.
You see the thing is, all my life I have refrained from having a boyfriend or dating since I did not like that lifestyle. Also I wanted my first love to be my husband, so I did not dare get attached to guys. I wanted my husband to be just like me, so the fact that he has had girlfriends bugs me.
Is it wrong for me to reject this guy based on this reasoning? Or should I give him a chance? HELP ME!
if someone that he was serious about did not work out for various reasons, its not his fault
if he liked someone and she was hit by a truck and gone, would your issue be that he liked someone or that he may not be over her
if its the latter, that may have legs, the former one is silly
wisdom say lablabata hua chalakta hua answer:
walk away, its enough of a doubt in your mind that you have to ask, it will always be in the back of your mind, whether it is about him having a past or whether her got over her...why deal with that voice in your head all your life...walk away
Sorry guys. The reason I do question my decision is because of how much he likes me and how insistent he truly has been that I not reject him for his past. I wanted to know if me saying goodbye would be cruel and wrong. If I was supposed to accept him for his past, or if it would be okay for me to do what I'm doing. Thanks for the input. :)
Is it wrong for me to reject this guy based on this reasoning? HELP ME!
What "reasoning" would that be? If it is that you suspect this guy has not moved on from his ex, that's a more valid concern than if your "reasoning" was simply that you do not like the idea that he had feelings for another girl prior to you. People get rejected for reasons that would seem even more trivial to others. You know yourself better than we do and if you feel that you won't be able to get over his past, then let him go because your fears/doubts/insecurities will hurt him as as well.
Some questions do come to mind though. If a guy was to tell you that he did not have any girlfriends, is it a guarantee that he's telling you the truth? Let's say that a guy did not have any girlfriends and didn't date, but he still had strong feelings for some girl and maybe believed her to be his first love......how would you feel about that? Does having had a girlfriend or not having one at all guarantee that a guy will make a good/bad husband?
If your also interested in him and he appears to be a good guy, then I suggest you do istekhara and give it a chance. But with this, youll have to accept his past.
It really depends on you. If you're always gonna be uneasy about it then no point in going further.
But if your concern is that he's loved someone before and took forever to get over...well, before my now husband, I was "in love" with a guy for 5 or so years. And getting over it took a long time. But now there's no place for my ex in my heart or life. And I was head over heels about my now husband when I met him. So, people change, feelings change. Just because you liked or loved someone at one point in life doesn't mean you're feelings can't change.
Redvelvet: the following statement that you said is really getting to me: "You know yourself better than we do and if you feel that you won't be able to get over his past, then let him go because your fears/doubts/insecurities will hurt him as as well." Madinahme: istikhara is not a bad idea. Will do it tonight. Flawedsoul: I understand what you're saying, and I may always feel uneasy, but he said "he loved her so much and she loved him". The fact that the parents didn't agree to the marriage and because the girl moved to another country, it didn't work out. I feel uncomfortable with knowing this. He says he's over her but what if some bizarre thing happens and he meets her in a few years and those memories flood back and he wants to be with her.
OK so I may be irrational with my securities but I can't help myself. I think I've answered my own question. Despite his persistence I should let go and not pursue anything further with this guy.
all my life I have refrained from having a boyfriend or dating since I did not like that lifestyle. Also I wanted my first love to be my husband, so I did not dare get attached to guys. I wanted my husband to be just like me, so the fact that he has had girlfriends bugs me.
!
But you have a BF friend too, now.
Did he cheat on you? No, right! He had a sincere relationship in the past that unfortunately did not work out. If nothing else, you should get the message that guy is not a two-timer/cheater and sincere in his relationships. If you dump him then he will be a guy with 3 past GFs without any fault of his won.
There is currently a guy very much interested in me. We are similar in personality and get along great. But there is one thing about his past that really bothers me. He had two girlfriends; the last of whom he really loved. Last July they broke it off because her parents weren't agreeing of their wedding, and it took him many months to get over her. Now he says he's completely over his first love, but I don't feel comfortable with his story.
You see the thing is, all my life I have refrained from having a boyfriend or dating since I did not like that lifestyle. Also I wanted my first love to be my husband, so I did not dare get attached to guys. I wanted my husband to be just like me, so the fact that he has had girlfriends bugs me.
Is it wrong for me to reject this guy based on this reasoning? Or should I give him a chance? HELP ME!
a gye fair maasi mslian wali. itney mslay to star plus main b nei dikhaye jatey jitney ap post krti ho. hehehehe
yeah and now you are having "problem" with guy who has past ....
Well I would just call it "uncertainty as to whether to proceed further." Not really too connected to him yet. But he really likes me. I just feel I can't let his past go unfortunately. Any advice on how I can overlook his past?
Did he cheat on you? No, right! He had a sincere relationship in the past that unfortunately did not work out. If nothing else, you should get the message that guy is not a two-timer/cheater and sincere in his relationships. If you dump him then he will be a guy with 3 past GFs without any fault of his won.
No no, he doesn't consider me to be his gf at all. And I don't intend on having that kind of relationship. The past rishta guy wasn't my boyfriend either. It was with parental knowledge, and we followed Islamic rules. As for this guy, he has had two serious relationships with girlfriends that have lasted very long. It makes me uncomfortable. And I don't know how to look past it. :(
Well I would just call it "uncertainty as to whether to proceed further." Not really too connected to him yet. But he really likes me. I just feel I can't let his past go unfortunately. Any advice on how I can overlook his past?
You can almost judge if he is playing game of telling you a truth. Having past is not a crime (moral or otherwise) unless someone has long history and is a serial offender.
One way to do it is to talk about this with him. Thing that's bugging you, he might be able to help/satisfy you.
No no, he doesn't consider me to be his gf at all. And I don't intend on having that kind of relationship. The past rishta guy wasn't my boyfriend either. It was with parental knowledge, and we followed Islamic rules. As for this guy, he has had two serious relationships with girlfriends that have lasted very long. It makes me uncomfortable. And I don't know how to look past it. :(
I want to know those Islamic rules which you followed during rishta.
