Guy problem *please help*

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Guy problem please help

STA - here are some Islamic rules of dating or getting to know. Not the haram western style dating at all. http://islam.about.com/od/marriage/a/courtship.htm. So some of the rules are to make sure that meetings are being chaperoned (no meeting up alone), parents are informed, families know about the process, and that everything is happening through parental consent and within the codes of modesty (i.e. no extensive flirting, inappropriate gestures/touching and etc). The entire purpose is to know who the other person is for the intention of marriage, and that is it. No time-pass scenarios.

Yes Milly you’re right. Since my last post, I’ve decided to be open about the idea of forgetting his past. I am just letting it be and seeing where it goes. I shouldn’t be so insecure/stubborn about this because it was his past and is over. He says he never thinks about the girl anymore and is just really interested in me right now. Let’s see what happens. God knows best.

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Re: Guy problem please help

Qtc88, you said that the point that stood out most for you from my post was that your insecurities can also hurt him. I find that to be an obvious point. It's a no-brainer that your doubts can affect your attitude and interactions with him. I was more interested in your responses to the questions I had asked.

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Re: Guy problem please help

That may be right, but you see, he's so sweet and has really given me reasons to believe that my worries/insecurities are unwarranted and I shouldn't be thinking the way that I did. So I feel I should let go of my concerns and see what happens.

As for the questions you had, let me answer them now:

**1) What are the reasons for my worries? **You were right...it's just the idea that he may not have been over his past lover, and also that I would not be his first love. That makes me feel sad. But you know, if he's a sincere and great guy, and insists the past is the past and that he is not thinking about her anymore, I don't know if I have a lot of reasons to still be insecure. I'm just being irrational that way.

*2) If a guy was to tell you that he did not have any girlfriends, is it a guarantee that he's telling you the truth? Also, does not having a girlfriend ensure he's never been in love? * No way. You are absolutely right. That just because a guy didn't have a girlfriend doesn't mean he didn't love anyone. And well yeah, if my reasons to not pursue a guy with a girlfriend is merely just that (my desire to be his first love), that may not be accomplished even if I chose to be with someone who had no gf. So maybe I'm being bizarre and unnecessarily worried.
**
3) Does having had a girlfriend or not having one at all guarantee that a guy will make a good/bad husband? **NO - not at all. It could very well be that this guy can make me the happiest woman in the world if I marry him, over one who was pure and piuos all his life (but doesn't know how to be a good husband)

Your questions really did make me think, and I came to the conclusion that I am being unreasonable and wrong in my approach. Just because a guy had a past doesn't mean I shouldn't give him a chance, nor does it say anything about the kind of husband he would be. Hmm.

What I think I will do now is give it another chance and see what direction it goes. If I still feel insecure and odd about his past, and unable to get over it, then I guess things will end. I just don't want neither of us to be hurt. As of now, if I were to end things prematurely, one thing is for sure, he would not happy. He really likes me, and insists I forget the past. So that's what I'm going to try to do. :)

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Re: Guy problem please help

hey...if you saved your emotions and feeling for that one person then you also deserve to demand the same. tell him if he cant keep his desires to himself and learn to move on then you dont see any future with such devdas.

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Re: Guy problem please help

my advice to you is..if you can completely ignore his past 100%..only then move forward..because suspicion can and will erode all the trust and love in your relationship!it makes everything ugly!

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Re: Guy problem please help

i wouldn't really trust someone above 25 who says they haven't had a relationship of some sort. qtc88, if someone is telling you something about themselves, that is a huge thing. many hide what they don't need to divulge. that should go in their favor not against them.

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Re: Guy problem please help

Zobia…I agree! haha Apricot, I totally understand what you’re saying. First of all, congrats on finding a suitable match! I wish you two all the best in the future. :balley:Secondly, I just wanted to say that although you’re right (if this was a mere rishta that came through my parents, I’d reject it on that grounds because of my insecurities), but the situation here is that he really seems genuine and caring, so I should give him a chance. And he’s been convincing me out of my decision to just “walk away”, which I have agreed with, and am now going to still give him a chance to prove himself. My rule is that if he speaks about the “past love” even a few times, it goes to show he’s not so much over her, and that would be it for me. Game over.

Demesne, like you said, at least he is soo truthful about his past! You’re right, many would hide it, and that’s ridiculous! I shouldn’t punish him for his honesty. I should instead give him points for being honest and trustworthy. :bulbuli:

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Re: Guy problem please help

have you told him about the awesome guy who is awesome from before, for who you pine over and start threads for hither thither and yon?

no?

y u no tell?

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Re: Guy problem please help

well.....there are different sorts of people in the world out there.......

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Re: Guy problem please help

Queer, this guy knows about that other guy. :chilly: NomiCA - you are right. There can very well be guys who are over 25 and who have never been in past relationships. BUT that could be because of their lack of need for a girlfriend (in which case I’d be worried about their capacity to bond/connect well). However, if it’s for the fear of God/discipline and controlling desires, then that’s appluadable. But I think those kinds of people are hard to find. -_-

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Re: Guy problem please help

What she really means is that this guy knows of the other guy. :hehe: