So I was speaking to my Arab friends & they said they want their husbands to pay for the entire wedding. I said in this day & age, that’s not very realistic because no one has a small, simple wedding. I think it’s more fair to split the wedding up (unless your husband is a millionaire and offers to pay for everything!). Don’t you think pressuring him to pay for the entire wedding is a bit unfair? Do you really think a marriage that has started off like that will last? Your thoughts?
Also, Arabs do a nikah when they get “engaged” - your thoughts?
Where did you get that Arabs do a nikkah when they get engaged?? It’s not entirely true.
And yes, in arab culture the groom’s side of the family is expected to pay for the entire wedding. But their weddings are not like desi weddings, they only have a one day celebration. No mehndi’s or dholki’s. That’s their culture.
And what does him paying for the wedding have to do with the marriage working or not? Not getting what you’re trying to say
If he's paying for the wedding then he should plan a wedding as elaborate or as simple as he wants. She shouldn't expect him to splash out a fortune and make all her girly wedding dreams come true. No Bunto for her!
I work with a lot of Arabs, from all over the Middle East (Jordan, Palestine, Egypt etc) and from what I have seen it is the groom who pays for the entire wedding. Sometimes the grooms family helps out, sometimes it's him on his own. So yes, that does dictate how big or small of a function it will be. In Arab culture, the nikkah is called "katb el kitab"...and I have seen that done at the time of engagement, much like in desi culture where the nikkah is performed, but without ruhksati. In fact, one my coworker's sons had his kitab done earlier this year at the masjid , but the actual "wedding" is in April 2013..he wanted more time to be able to save money and buy a house. There will be a henna party for women, but none of the other bajillion rasms we have
So I was speaking to my Arab friends & they said they want their husbands to pay for the entire wedding. I said in this day & age, that's not very realistic because no one has a small, simple wedding. I think it's more fair to split the wedding up (unless your husband is a millionaire and offers to pay for everything!). Don't you think pressuring him to pay for the entire wedding is a bit unfair? Do you really think a marriage that has started off like that will last? Your thoughts?
Also, Arabs do a nikah when they get "engaged" - your thoughts?
Well, if a marriage where a woman brings in pounds of jahaiz can last than I think this has a good chance of lasting. Furthermore, this tradition has been around for about a bazillion years now...to find out how those marriages are lasting you should speak to more people.
I work with a lot of Arabs, from all over the Middle East (Jordan, Palestine, Egypt etc) and from what I have seen it is the groom who pays for the entire wedding. Sometimes the grooms family helps out, sometimes it's him on his own. So yes, that does dictate how big or small of a function it will be. In Arab culture, the nikkah is called "katb el kitab"...and I have seen that done at the time of engagement, much like in desi culture where the nikkah is performed, but without ruhksati. In fact, one my coworker's sons had his kitab done earlier this year at the masjid , but the actual "wedding" is in April 2013..he wanted more time to be able to save money and buy a house. There will be a henna party for women, but none of the other bajillion rasms we have
the way my friends do it (and they're gulf arabs so it might differ for other arabs); the guy pays for the wedding function because technically they count it as the waleema since its after the nikaah. They don't usually have any other major functions except sometimes there's the milcha where either they'll do the nikaah or its more typically like a small engagement party. Since the guys side pays for the waleema anyways and thats their main celebration thats probably why your friends are expecting their future husbands to pay.
the way my friends do it (and they're gulf arabs so it might differ for other arabs); the guy pays for the wedding function because technically they count it as the waleema since its after the nikaah. They don't usually have any other major functions except sometimes there's the milcha where either they'll do the nikaah or its more typically like a small engagement party. Since the guys side pays for the waleema anyways and thats their main celebration thats probably why your friends are expecting their future husbands to pay.
This perfectly sums it up.
Please note that in desi weddings , its the brides side that is under immense pressure by the bride as well as the grooms family to pay for the hefty bills !
Expensive jora's , non ending list of rasams , each one has the bride in a new designer dress and designer jewellery and loads of jahaiz .. erm did I mention the rasam of gifting every phupa chacha taya and their neighbours and their neighbours kai susral walas and .. yeah you got it right?
In Arab culture , all this crap is cut down and shadi's are much simpler. They go by the proper islamic way of conducting a wedding. I believe its perfectly fair because at the end of the day he is decision maker on how much he wants to spend and he does it wisely knowing that its his hard earned money with which he is starting his new life .
Please note that in desi weddings , its the brides side that is under immense pressure by the bride as well as the grooms family to pay for the hefty bills !
Expensive jora's , non ending list of rasams , each one has the bride in a new designer dress and designer jewellery and loads of jahaiz .. erm did I mention the rasam of gifting every phupa chacha taya and their neighbours and their neighbours kai susral walas and .. yeah you got it right?
In Arab culture , all this crap is cut down and shadi's are much simpler. They go by the proper islamic way of conducting a wedding. I believe its perfectly fair because at the end of the day he is decision maker on how much he wants to spend and he does it wisely knowing that its his hard earned money with which he is starting his new life .
You're funny. Ask white guys how well that works out.
What if the desi girl cannot afford the 50 000- 100 000 dollar wedding??? A guy, if affluent enough to afford the wedding doesnt mind paying then why not? Oh well.
I like the idea of having nikah on engagement day. Just because the couple would know that they are in a serious relationship as the nikah has been done. I dislike the engagements that last years and end up in getting broken. Nikah prevents that.
If he's paying for the wedding then he should plan a wedding as elaborate or as simple as he wants. She shouldn't expect him to splash out a fortune and make all her girly wedding dreams come true. No Bunto for her!
Never thought of it that way - since the nikah is done at the engagement, I guess they look at all the other cermonies/events after that just how we look at walima... so the guy pays.
And btw, even though they're nikah'd and all, they still consider it disrespectful to engage in anything sexual... & from what I've been told, they get engaged & nikah'd for the purpose of "getting to know each other better" , so what if you get to know him and you decide this isn't the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? You decide you break the engagement off but you're still considered as divorced (even if you didn't do anything sexual with the guy)
Another thing they do, not sure if all of them do it, but some of my friends told me this and I found it really weird. On the day of their wedding night, they place a white cloth and if consummation happens & the girl's a virgin (she bleeds), they show the cloth to the mother in law. :| I found that very odd. :S Something like that is very personal and should only remain between the husband and wife... granted she's your mother in law but that is just WEIRD. She is no one to ask you/your husband to prove you're a virgin. :S
third paragraph : this used to happen in the olden days (and probably who knows maybe in 70s-80s) in the indian hindu and alot of desi/muslim cultures. i also have read that the stained white sheets were proudly exhibited around the house the next morning.
I have a very close Arab friend that I have known for about 18 years. I've been invited over to her family weddings, dinners and religious events. And I have to say I Thank God I am a Pakistani.
They not only ask for the guy to pay for everything, but he hardly any influence over what he is paying for. It is unfair. Also in Pakistani Muslim marriages the guys don't pay our haq mehar, only if asked by his wife once the marriage is consummated or in the unfortunate event of divorce. But to what I have seen on the day of the nikkah it's more like a business transaction, money, jewlery and gifts have to be paid in full after the nikkah before the wedding ceremony ( can be even in the same day).
I have yet to meet a Pakistani Muslim girl who is married to her husband and still asked for her dowry.
I went to Egypt for a family wedding the guy was Pakistani (my couzin) and girl was Egyptian.
He spent over $200,000 for all the ceremonies and her dowry!!!!!
Her family was talking about her like she was been sold, I came away from that experience shaking my head!!!
Pakistani guys don't know how good they have it, marry an Arab girl and you'll know, she will keep you in your toes!!!
Incedently, my close friend eneded up marrying a Pakistani Muslim, and is incredibly happy!
Another thing they do, not sure if all of them do it, but some of my friends told me this and I found it really weird. On the day of their wedding night, they place a white cloth and if consummation happens & the girl's a virgin (she bleeds), they show the cloth to the mother in law. :| I found that very odd. :S Something like that is very personal and should only remain between the husband and wife... granted she's your mother in law but that is just WEIRD. She is no one to ask you/your husband to prove you're a virgin. :S
My sister just had her Nikah...her husband is an Arab. He considers himself her husband...I've heard him say it and they don't act like they're engaged and just getting to know each other. They take the Kitab very seriously and once that's done...its a done deal and now all they're doing is planning for the big blowout function.
About the above para...........that is not an Arab custom...............that is also a desi custom in some areas/families.
