So this friend of mine tells me that a few months ago she was having some issues with her husband and during that time, she confided in a coworker who patiently listened to her tales of misery.
Anyhow, things have gotten better between her and her husband but this coworker dude is “in love” with her.
By the way both these people are white Americans and my friend comes from a very educated and conservative family. Her reaction to this was obviously, ummm, heck no way, but this guy keeps reminding her of all the “bad” things her husband did to her. He openly confessed his feelings for her and she is in such an awkward situation now because he works in the same office and she runs into him every day.
She has told him that things are better now in her marriage and would like to request this guy to limit his communication with her and has started giving him a cold shoulder.
Now, he sends her emails reminding her of her past and promising a great future for her.
I had my fair share of propositions in my workplace , where the ratio of women to men was 50:1.... so i know what it's like to be a married woman in this situation... i would really suggest that she informs her superior...some people would find the attention flattering on some level, but as your friend has outrightly refused and said no, he should get it. Obviously he has not, and he's now harassing her... the company needs to know....before it turns into something really ugly....
The problem is that she could get into trouble as well if he were to produce the emails she shared with him when she was going through rough times and using company time to "vent" to him.
Nikki, I wouldnt take drastic steps as reporting him to HR at this stage ... plus as PM mentioned somewhere both are responsible ... I would suggest first strictly letting him know that she is more then happy in her marriage and doesnt appreciate him interfereing in her personal life.
And after that she should continue to give him a cold shoulder and keep it strictly professional.
If still he continues to do it , then she can let him know that she is getting extremely disturbed with his behaviour and if it doesnt stop immediately she will report it to the manager/HR
In most cases the harassment should stop when he sees that she is totally ignoring him.
I don't think its fair to blame the guy for every thing. But sure, now we do have a situation to deal with.
No, its very fair to blame the guy. The girl came to him probably because she trusted him and wanted a male perspective on her situation. That probably does not mean that she was hinting that she is over with her guy and seeking a replacement.
The guy was stupid to get a different message out of her talk.
Instead of going to the HR, she should talk to a senior manager/director first and have them speak with the guy. Senior manager should advise him that an action will be taken with HR if he continues to get personal with her. Give him few days and see what happens, if he bothers her again, then HR should be notified.
HR can be a very serious issue and both can be fired. It is advisable to have someone senior speak with him first.
No, its very fair to blame the guy. The girl came to him probably because she trusted him and wanted a male perspective on her situation. That probably does not mean that she was hinting that she is over with her guy and seeking a replacement.
The guy was stupid to get a different message out of her talk.
hmmm
was that woman's first time being on such bad term with her hubby ? Because women have tendency to think its end of the world when they are on bad terms with their hubbies.
Its absolutely natural for woman every one does that. I am also assuming women don't have kids yet?
Now just hope guy don't go cry on every ones shoulder, Cuz that will give woman bad name.
Nothing much can be done.
Except woman talk to the guy in friendly manner. And make him understand what she was going though when she shared that info. AND ask that guy for help again. This will make the guy feel important in woman;s life. Chances are he will understand!!
No kidding I have been on hmmm 2 girls waiting list for a long time. When ever their hubbies make them cry then will call and check my status.
Till they had babies.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who is responsible for the tense workplace situation - her for oversharing about her personal life or her male colleague for not taking no for an answer - working with someone who knows too much about your personal life and has their own agenda is a toxic situation.
I'm curious - has your friend told her husband that she disclosed personal information about their relationship to an outsider - and better yet, how did or will her husband react to such information? Given that she's just getting her marital situation back in order - she doesn't need the added hassle of dealing with a guy who's in love with her and is trying to poison her mind against her husband. She needs to get away from him however she can manage - this may mean changing departments or looking for another job altogether - her main focus should be her marriage. A job is never worth losing a marriage over.
I would ignore completely as CB suggested, then speak to him directly to make sure he understands she is serious and not playing hard to get or something...if he still persists then a manager should be notified. If all else fails, go to HR.
Its never a good idea to confide too much in people about your personal life no matter how bad things get. You always end up regretting it later on and wish you had kept it to yourself. She has to get rid of him and quickly so he doesnt get too attached to her.
