Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
There is no positive advice people can give you because the problem is with him and he has to fix it.
I remember you writing a while back that you have kinda given up caring and trying to focus on your own stuff so that you don't keep dwelling over his ignoring.
Seeing as you are committed to this, there is really nothing you can do except be patient and hope that he will be more attentive after the rest of the wedding and when you live together.
What I do not like hearing is that long distance relationships are like this. My hubby and I were long distance for 6 years, 4.5 were before marriage. Okay it wasn't arranged but we never had problems like this. We would have disagreements and get angry with each other on occasion but no matter what we'd talk every single day. So to me, this is normal behaviour of two people who care about each other.
He's not just your bf/fiance any more, he's your husband, he needs to start acting like one.
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
^ exactly. He has a responsibility as a husband to make you feel loved. So all I can tell you is maybe, he is not a long distance type of a guy and maybe after marriage when you two are together it will get better!?
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
Ask yourself what it is you really want in this long distance relationship ... otherwise teach yourself to be patient with him ... if you do have expectations then you need to tell him what they are without getting him to react negatively ... so think about the possible things that could wrong and ensure they don't and find a way that he can work out without feeling pressured to see what things are like from your side ... if not then just be patient.
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
I don't get a good vibe about this. Yeah, I understand that he's busy, he has a job, committments, etc. We all have 24 hours and plenty of obligations...but you MAKE the time (even if it's just 5 minutes) for other people. It's a conscious effort. My parents have been married for so many years....and when my dad worked overseas....he called my mom practically every day....he called during special occasions....and during travel if he couldn't call, he sent an email letting us know when and where he can be reached, etc. And this is after decades of marriage...............and here you have a couple who is in the BEGINNING stages of their marriage where things are more (should be more) lovey-dovey, romantic, etc. So, I find it disturbing.
I'm curious as to whether the guy was like this even before/during the engagement. If they used to be closer...and now there appears to be a drift....then she needs to reflect upon what could be the reasons and if she's unknowingly doing anything to fuel it.....talk to him about it (rather than letting it go and giving him the idea that it's okay)....and then give him space to think. Just like his job and being financially stable are obligations.......he also has obligations toward his wife...somebody he'll be living with for the rest of his life. Something is off.
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
Some guys are just pretty clueless when it comes to communication with their s/o. They don't understand the need/desire that their s/o has , even if it's a brief message or a simple "thinking of you". Your husband may fall into that category, and if you can explain that to him in the best way possible that you know, then do it. In this day of technology, there really is no excuse not to send a text/email etc because it only takes a couple of minutes.
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
im sorry but i disagree
Guy perspective:
Your post is too long.
Do some thing constructive with your time, till you finally get together.
other guys are up to something else ... maybe for the time being
LDRs are hard
Some guys are just pretty clueless when it comes to communication with their s/o. They don't understand the need/desire that their s/o has , even if it's a brief message or a simple "thinking of you". Your husband may fall into that category, and if you can explain that to him in the best way possible that you know, then do it. In this day of technology, there really is no excuse not to send a text/email etc because it only takes a couple of minutes.
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
There is no cookie-cutter way to express love or affection for your partner. Everyone is different and everyone is capable of and used to different ways of interacting with one another.
Abra, unfortunately your guy is not very talkative or a good communicator. He may change once the two of you are living together OR he may not change. Don't look for signs of love as you measure it. Understand him and see if his actions express his love in the ways he's used to expressing it.
Everyone is capable of change and if you want him to be more communicative, you need to lead by example. Don't stop communicating with him - sometimes, a woman's presence becomes such a habit for a guy, that until he doesn't have it around, he doesn't appreciate what he has.
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
she wants to know what he's thinking and why he is behaving this way. you guys are avoiding answering this because you know that a person who cares will make the time and effort.
like pslims post is just tryna make her feel better coz she said she wanted positive responses. yeh, guys are no doubt clueless but talking to your other half is pretty basic a desire most people in a relationship have.
now see if anyone can see what i'm trying to say between the lines.
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
she wants to know what he's thinking and why he is behaving this way. you guys are avoiding answering this because you know that a person who cares will make the time and effort.
like pslims post is just tryna make her feel better coz she said she wanted positive responses. yeh, guys are no doubt clueless but talking to your other half is pretty basic a desire most people in a relationship have.
now see if anyone can see what i'm trying to say between the lines.
That I'm awesome and stuff. Thanks :-p
j/k j/k
The cold hard truth is that if you are mature enough to be in a relationship and getting married, there really are no excuses not to be in touch on a regular basis. Unfortunately this type of behavior does not bode well for the future, but yeah, I was trying to keep things positive at the OP's request. If I'm in a relationship, I communicate my thoughts/feelings very clearly and do my best to make my s/o feel secure as well. Communication is key in a relationship and if it's starting out this way, you better find out what you are in for in the future as well.
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
the thinking has been explained by many posters.........
if something 'useful' or 'positive response' means validation of unrealistic expectations sure...........its going to be not useful things being said.
"person caring making time and effort"
not every person / relationship can be same as others..........talking is basic desire....but the extent/magnitude varies.......... if xyz talks every few minutes...doesn't mean her husband is that sorta person..... or he has to show care exactly the way she wants him to show it........... different people again...
Re: Guppies, I want to understand the male's perspective on this!
Okay, so what is the husband doing instead? I don't believe for a second that he's not sharing his life with others around him - talking to people, hanging out with people. If you can do that with other people, you can spend a little time to do that with your spouse everyday. Don't tell me he's not going out and enjoying himself with other people.
And she clearly said she lets him have his space. How is not contacting him for a few days = talking every few minutes?
