So you have a past. Had legit bf’s here and there (only 1 at a time) and were sexual with them, but did not have sex. So, no bad reputation stuff or any drama.
You know you are a changed person and that past is exactly that, the PAST. And its not a past that will come to haunt you. Your lifestyle now is completely clean. Other than this, you have a clean record.
You have matured and now are in a serious relationship, but you know that to this guy having a past really matters. So you lie, and dont tell him about your past bc you dont want to ruin this and bc you are not that person anymore, so you simply think it is not worth mentioning.
Deep down you feel guilty for lying. But on the other hand you know for a fact that telling him the truth will only ruin everything between the two of you and open a whole new can of worms.
So, ladies, would you spill your beans and tell him anyway, and let him take whatever action he wants and loose him and everything that otherwise could have been perfect? Or do you keep your past to yourself, and think of it as a new beginning?
If I loved him or even cared for him, I would make sure he gets what he wants in his life. And if I can't do that, then the least I can do is make sure he does not end with something unwanted in his life, whether he knows it or not. I would absolutely tell him. In fact, I wouldn't even start a relationship based on any hiding anything or lying.
What's worthy to him or not is for him to decide. It's his right.
In addition to that, our past is a part of us, even if we have changed. I would want to be accepted for who I am and who I've been.
But the bottom line of reasoning for me is that I do not have the heart to take away his right to have or at least pursue the kind of life partner he wants in his life. It's just too selfish.
Every individual has diff way of dealing with their relationships with respect to their priorities.
But what i can say is that if i were in such a situation i know there wouldnt be any other way even if i would like, which i ofcourse wouldnt, then to be honest about my past. You may have changed but your partner has the right to know about your past AND if your bond and trust level is strong enough then it wl stand this test. So have faith in your relationship and there is nothing like honesty so go for it. I wouldnt base my relationships on half honesty as that wouldnt let me have a healthy, comfortable relationship with my partner anyways. If its meant to be, it wl be otherwise you will atleast know you lost on something cuz of your honesty and not cuz of your dishonesty.
How has one matured if she is lying to the one she really likes?
What if you dont tell this person, but someone else might spill your beans.......so isnt it better to do it yourself, especially in this case where it does matter to the guy about the girl's past
a lot of guys or girls... dont necessarily want to know every detail of someones past...
i dont think there is something wrong in not telling him, unless having 'ligit' bf's means loads of relations... not just 1 or perhaps 2...
isnt telling that u used to like someone, but it never worked out, enough?.. i think it is...
It totally depends on the girl, having a bf in the past is not a disaster.. maybe not even mentionable... but having a serie of them.. :s!
^ If its not a big deal then why not just let the person know the whole truth? Why hide any info. If u want to hide it, that tells you also think it ought to have an affect so either dont say it shudnt matter or just come out with the truth and llet the guy decide how he wl take it.
^ If its not a big deal then why not just let the person know the whole truth? Why hide any info. If u want to hide it, that tells you also think it ought to have an affect so either dont say it shudnt matter or just come out with the truth and llet the guy decide how he wl take it.
Every single detail can be more painfull, when in the bigger picture it does not matter....
I mean if uve had a fling some time a go? if it doesnt mean anything for you... y should u be telling something u dont care about..
Same goes for the guy: im pretty sure they dont tell u every fling theyve had... and i dont need to know it either.. it would only make it messy eventough ur staying together...
if it was nothing, ment nothing and still does not mean anything.. there no point sharing...
If there is no physical evidence of what happened in the past and no body can prove anything , there is no need to bring the cat out of the bag. Even if someone who knows your past comes forward and tells him , you can turnaround and tell you SO that this person wanted me to be his GF but I declined so this is why he is saying so. If a women spills your beans you can always say that she is jealous of you and want to break your home. This is how mature adults deals with these kinds of issues. If you are matured enough you would know how to deal with the situation at hand on case by case basis , you will not come on the public forums and ask. You need to mature a little bit more IMO.
Do not kill the messenger , ponder on my advise it is very sensible and practical advice. If someone tells your otherwise they live in lala land. Real life is very different and very cruel. You cannot live a real life being an idealist.
So you have a past. Had legit bf's here and there (only 1 at a time) and** were sexual with them, but did not have sex. So, no bad reputation** stuff or any drama.
no bad reputation? wow
and secondly, why are you assuming that something bad will happen after telling the guy? some guys/girls are really appreciative of the fact that they were not tricked around...
You said the person is matured , if they have matured they would know what I am talking about. Since you do not seem to know then you are good to go and do not need to know any more than you know.
If I loved him or even cared for him, I would make sure he gets what he wants in his life. And if I can't do that, then the least I can do is make sure he does not end with something unwanted in his life, whether he knows it or not. I would absolutely tell him. In fact, I wouldn't even start a relationship based on any hiding anything or lying.
What's worthy to him or not is for him to decide. It's his right.
In addition to that, our past is a part of us, even if we have changed. I would want to be accepted for who I am and who I've been.
But the bottom line of reasoning for me is that I do not have the heart to take away his right to have or at least pursue the kind of life partner he wants in his life. It's just too selfish.
You said the person is matured , if they have matured they would know what I am talking about. Since you do not seem to know then you are good to go and do not need to know any more than you know.
sure...
but there is no such thing as physical 'evidence' ;)
but there is no such thing as physical 'evidence' ;)
Intimate photos , facebook and myspace updates , emails and text messages , recorded phone conversation are some examples and you need forensic science experts to erase those tracks. In some cases you will need to use mafia connections to get hold of and destroy that evidence. No ?
He*** will*** find out. At some point. And better he finds out from you, now, than from someone else later. Moreover, if he cannot get over the fact that you had a life before you knew him, then is he really the person for you? I don't think so. You wanting him to be the guy for you is really your wish to be someone else yourself. And how do you know he has not messed around some before you? He may well have. People do. You're people, too. Find someone who isn't so insecure that he must have a complete naa-daan to feel adequate.
Girls are saying tell. And I do not agree with that. You do NOT have to tell every single thing to anyone. ANYONE. I just want to see how women go about this sort of situation.
Mirch - I could not agree more with you. (Except the part about coming on a public forum doesnt mean you have matured, in my OP 'being matured' was referring to being out of the 'bf' phase.) Everyone has their reasons for telling or not telling things, not to specifically be lying, but just to be practical in one way or another.
I dont understand how you girls are saying that not telling him = not matured or not being yourself or so on and so forth...in my opinion, its actually more of a mature thing to do. No one is perfect, thats why life is about balancing the imperfections. Not be a fool and put everything out there. Im sure there are things we have to tell that can not otherwise be kept away, but not in the sense of 'hiding' or 'lying' but in the sense of them being or not being worth mentioning.
So you have a past. Had legit bf's here and there (only 1 at a time) and were sexual with them, but did not have sex. So, no bad reputation stuff or any drama.
Please shed more light on this. Does this include dry humping...?