I’m currently off work due to having two children (one after the other…mashallah), my eldest daughter is two and the youngest is 8 months. My hubby is the only one working, we have a large mortgage, student loans, home loan and many expenses but my in-laws are still demanding that my husband pays £500 each month to them on a regular basis. My husband does so, each and every month, regardless of the fact whether we have any money for ourselves or not.
We are living in the UK, so there is no great urgency to give this money to my in-laws. They have never asked how we are coping or whether we have the money or not.
We have had to put our mortgage on interest-only as we cannot keep up with the repayments but I am not allowed to say anything to my in-laws and even if I do tell them, they wouldn’t give a dam!!
How do you know that if you tell your in-laws about it, they would not ask him to stop sending them money or just ask for min they can survive with? Did you hubby tell his folks about the difficult times you guys are going though?
I am sure your husband understands when and where he needs to adjust so i think you just need to relax. Just like his other duties, his duty towards his parent is also very important so let the guy manage the way he wants to.
Ofcourse you are in no place to ask your inlaws to stop asking for money or whatever. It's your husband's call if he wants to discuss this with his family or not.
Parents sometimes can be very demanding towards their kids. In this situation i think your husband needs to take a stand and speak to them about the financial conditions. Unless they need money to survive I don't see why they should have an issue. Before anyone jumps on me and starts yelling.. I don't have any issues with my inlaws, infact they are great! I just think parents need to understand these situtations as sometimes men feel embarrased to discuss such issues with their parents. Now if they are doing worse then you and can use the money for food and shelter then i think your husband should be supporting them to the extent he is able to without putting his wife and kids in bad conditions.
Why does your husband not want his parents to know about his financial situation? Is it due to pride? Or is it because he doesn't want to worry his parents and wants to continue giving them the same amount of money? It's not something to be ashamed about.
Your husband is the one earning the money and they are his parents, so if they are any concerns, it's best if he (rather than you) discuss the issue with his parents. I'm also wondering what makes you think that your in-laws won't give a damn? It's hard to imagine that they wouldn't be concerned about their son and grandchildren.
Since your husband doesn't want to talk to his parents about this, you can try to reason with him a bit. Talk about the issue, see if you both can agree on an amount to be given. OR....if your brother has other adult siblings that are working (brothers, for example)....maybe he can talk to them and work something out. OR....you both can also take a look at your expenditures and decide where you both need to cut back. Some of our spending can be unnecessary.
Some sort of positive discussion needs to take place. If not between your husband and his parents...then between you and him.
My in laws are also in the uk. my hubby will never ever tell them he's got problems and they have never asked.
That is the root of the problem here. Your husband's parents are **not **mind readers. If your husband is going to give his parents the impression that he's doing fine money-wise.....and that it's not a problem for him to give him 500 or so each month...............then OF COURSE his parents won't suspect that there's a problem....and that could be why they haven't asked. Seems like a pride issue.....and I've seen that before.
It's a sticky situation to be in because your husband has an obligation toward his parents AND his own family as well. If this is putting a strain on the marriage.....then you need to talk to him about it. If he insists on not telling his parents, then maybe you both can come up with other ways to make things work.
Maybe the reason he is pitching in is because his parents need it? Maybe he feels he is young, strong and can make money but how will they survive? Do you know about their expenses and what kind of bills they have?
I am not saying you're being unreasonable. But I will say you might want to know more before jumping to conclusions about your inlaws being selfish and not caring about you. Maybe they really do not know how you all are doing financially and are also strapped themselves?
Talk to your husband about this but not in confrontational manner, be nice.
Come on guys............. one person supporting two kids a wife and his parents, mortgage and bills, No other income stream. I shouldnt have to tell my in-laws they should understand that in this day and age couples can't even manage their own expences but on top of that we are supporting them on a month-on month basis plus gifts and paying for their home insurance. Yet my FIL will still compare my husband to other sons saying that he never does anything!!
Hubby is an only son and has two ther sisters that are a waste of space. to all those single girls out there........ DO NOT MARRY AN ONLY SON!!!!!!!!!
You seem to have so much hate gathered up. Are you sure, money is the only problem?
Firstly, calm down.
Secondly, what may seem logically understood to you may not be the case for your inlaws. Your husband needs to talk to his parents **IF **he feels the need. Your example (see the bold part) is not unachieveable. Many people are able to live good lives on one income stream. So again, your husband needs to tell his parents about the finances or crisis. You cant blame everything on your inlaws. You and your husband play an equal, if not bigger, role.
"**Come on guys............. one person supporting two kids a wife and his parents, mortgage and bills, No other income stream. I shouldnt have to tell my in-laws they should understand that in this day and age couples can't even manage their own expences but on top of that we are supporting them on a month-on month basis* plus gifts and paying for their home insurance. Yet my FIL will still compare my husband to other sons saying that he never does anything!!
Hubby is an only son and has two ther sisters that are a waste of space. to all those single girls out there........ DO NOT MARRY AN ONLY SON!!!!!!!!! "*
Come on guys............. one person supporting two kids a wife and his parents, mortgage and bills, No other income stream. I shouldnt have to tell my in-laws they should understand that in this day and age couples can't even manage their own expences but on top of that we are supporting them on a month-on month basis plus gifts and paying for their home insurance. Yet my FIL will still compare my husband to other sons saying that he never does anything!!
Hubby is an only son and has two ther sisters that are a waste of space. to all those single girls out there........ DO NOT MARRY AN ONLY SON!!!!!!!!!
Plus gifts? You make it sound like you give gifts to people/your in-laws every single week or month. If so, then that goes back to the point that I made earlier: Examine your spending. Maybe there are things that you're spending money on that are not necessary and some cutting back can help. Perhaps your husband's sisters are financially tight as well and can't contribute. Or maybe his parents feel awkward about taking money from their daughters. You can complain all you want, but you have to talk about things to help change them.
I'm a guy and I believe that it is a son's obligation to take care of his parents when they are old... i've been raised in Canada since i was 11 and I have these values. My dad has always told me that he wants us to be established and doesn't require us to contribute anything as he's very well off but I believe I should. I'm not married yet but I don't plan on isolating my parents once I'm married, I'll still be their son... and if God forbid, I run into any sort of financial crisis, I know I can go to my dad for any assistance. You husband is following the first portion of my values but he should know that parents will support their kids no matter what, so go talk to them. I'm not even sure why he's putting his pride in front, its his parent for God's sake! You should be supporting them financially because you want to not as a burden! overall... you husband needs to talk to them, I'm sure they'll understand!
If it was a give and take relationship then I wouldnt mind, but there have been numerous times that my husband and me have needed help (like when we wanted to buy our house), no one helped or even offered to help!!
Your other half needs to put his pride aside and bite his tongue and address the issue with his folks, he can start by flappin his gums and let em know how tough it is for you both and that a little give and take goes along way.
If it was a give and take relationship then I wouldn't mind, but there have been numerous times that my husband and me have needed help (like when we wanted to buy our house), no one helped or even offered to help!!
Did your husband ask for help when you were buying a house 'cause i get a notion that your husband is kinda' guy who'll drown in his pride (not in a bad way)... because he really needs to discuss this issue with his parents. I'm not sure how you can call this give and take relationship, when they raised you, spent massive amount of cash on you, they didn't ask for any return than... when its your turn, how do you claim this is give and take relationship. But again, I believe your husband is totally at fault and ruining the situation by not discussing this with his parents, I'm sure they'll understand. You have to talk your husband into doing it if nothing else because nobody can sense any financial trouble if you are giving them adequate amount of money every once in a while.
so do parents only spend money on raising the boys of the house and the girls just drag themselves up???
Why is up to the son's to give all their life (whether they have it or not??) and the girls have no responsibility over their familes what so ever.
Yes i know my husbands problems is his pride but what im trying to say is that my in laws know we are having financial difficulty (we've just had two kids and lost my income coming in), they know we've had to down grade our car, had bayliffs coming to the house etc but they still won't offer to help or say that they don't need the money (some months).
^Just have your husband confront them and tell them your guys financial situation
Instead of having your husband get over his pride, you keep putting the blame on his parents
I agree with what has already been said, you do really need to talk to your husband about it, as he is the person that can reach a common ground between you and his parents. The lack of communication in so many of these kinds of situations really amazes me, I may be naive, but why can't people just tell others (in this case parents!) how they are feeling and that they are struggling?
This son and daughter thing does really get to me too, yes girls do have a responsibility to their parents, but I think the way things are, parents don't accept things from their daughters, likewise op would your parents accept help from you? I think it is because parents feel your husband and resultantly you, will have more of an obligation to his parents?
When you two had student loans and another family to support ( his parents) and planned to have kids , why did you buy house ? You cold wait till the student loan was paid. He needs to support his parents on a regular basis. They need money to survive that is why they ask and he pays. It is a life long commitment. Your whining is not going to help . Live with it.
Come on guys............. one person supporting two kids a wife and his parents, mortgage and bills, No other income stream. I shouldnt have to tell my in-laws they should understand that in this day and age couples can't even manage their own expences but on top of that we are supporting them on a month-on month basis plus gifts and paying for their home insurance. Yet my FIL will still compare my husband to other sons saying that he never does anything!!
Hubby is an only son and has two ther sisters that are a waste of space. to all those single girls out there........ DO NOT MARRY AN ONLY SON!!!!!!!!!
Apart from everything you mentioned. Please don't say this. I am married to an only son & don't feel burdened at all. Although we send money to his parents every other month or a little extra on Eids & special occasions. Just because he doesn't have any brothers to share the responsibility doesn't mean I am an unlucky wife or daughter in law.
Think of all the duas you guys get from his parents & the "barkat" it must put in your own earnings.