Greedy In-laws!!

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

it seems you dont live with your in laws..so my question is why dont you live together?

2nd question...how is the financial situation of your in laws?

well its your husband duty to look after his parents financial needs...If a guy get married and have kids that doesnt mean that he should stop supporting his parents financially...well its your husband's money so you shouldnt get worry about it..its him who is supporting parents and his wife n kids..If he thinks its difficult for him then he should think about the solution not you...

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

^This. I don't understand why couples CHOOSE to make terrible financial decisions and then blame others for their lifestyle. OP married someone either with or without discussing future financial issues with them. She either knew before marriage that he supports his family....OR married him without asking him his values/beliefs/plans regarding future finances. As 2 adults, they choose to buy a house instead of renting an apartment or house, DESPITE both having student loans. On top of that, they choose to have 2 children back to back (If the OP got pregnant despite using birth control properly, my apologies for the above statement). So now she's staying home to take care of kids, her and husband are having financial problems. The husband CHOOSES not discuss this with his parents.

Yet HIS parents are the ones at fault?!

Oh, and whether or not his sisters help the parents out or not.....his SISTERS had nothing to do with the couple getting themselves into this financial mess to begin with.

Sorry to be harsh but it's aggravating when people make stupid financial decisions and then take out their frustration on others who played no part in their decisions to their financial ruin.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

What are some of your expenses?

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

Do your parents need the financial support? If so, then he should be helping out and you all need to talk together about how to live within your means. If they do not need the support, then he needs to speak to them so that he can provide for you and your children sufficiently.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

Word greedy comes to play only if they are asking money for their extravagant life style.

If they really need the money, then consider it as a joint family expense. Work on both fronts:

1- Save money. Do not spend on unnecessary items.

2- Make more money if at all possible.

Difficult time require patience and it eventually brings good results.

Consider this as a test.

Never talk to in-laws yourself in this matter.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

How come desi parents nearly always need support and non-desi parents nearly never do?

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

Not true.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

Why would you say that?

:k:

Noor, I dont mean to be rude here but is this the solution? What is the solution? What can you do so you live more comfortably? Maybe pay off your student loans and then buy a home? Dont think about what you cannot control…think of what you can make of things that ARE in your control.

This is not true.

In non-desi culture, there is no joint family system and the concept of supporting one’s parents financially is a foreign idea entirely. The kind of pressure our men feel since the day they’re born to one day be capable of supporting a wife, kids, home, parents, etc, non-desi men dont feel. In desi culture, children are the 401K…non-desi parents really have no choice in their old age so worry about their own future.

Its not right or wrong…just the way things are.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

seems like a bit of disheartened feelings you've got bottled up there, noorqt..im assuming you are trying to point fingers at his sisters with that statement.

anyway, so you implied that daughters/girls DO have responsibility, and in this situation it being FINANCIAL responsibility. so basically you are saying his sisters should be pitching in for the parents. let me ask you, how much do YOU, being a DAUGHTER, support YOUR parents?..notice i said YOU - not your husband. and im sorry, 'supporting' does not include gifts :) nice try though.

just as you have circumstances, others do too. and it is not necessary that you be informed of all of them. im sorry you feel unfortunate and ungrateful being married to an only son. maybe if you start looking at the glass half full you just might be able to come to a just and humble solution. seems like your attitude is the problem.

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Hats off. Why are there so few women like you?! :(.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

There is nothing you can do about his parents so let it go.

But you can do something about your husband!! Talk to him directly with all the statements and your monthly budget on the table. Open up communication between you two and see if he has legitimate reasons for acting the way he does. See if it is possible to drop a 100 or 200 pounds to start with, while keeping in mind how this drop effects his parents.

Also because you guys have a tight budget his parents also need to have a tight budget. If you're unable to make your husband understand that then you are also a part of the problem.

I can guarantee you he has just as much or more stress then you, because which man wants to be a fail when it comes to financially supporting his family. NONE! So you must be his guider and partner through this problem.

You have the upper hand here to help him make the right decision, so be his best friend, don't cut yourself off which is very easy to do in a situation like this. Since he clearly doesn't have support from his parents, you be his emotional support.

After you and your husband are on the same page, you both need to have a meeting with his parents, and use the grandchildren as the base for starting the conversation. You don't need to go into depth of your financial situation, since it may embarrass your hubby, but just a general outline of the situation. Again use the kids and their future as proof of the much needed change.

good luck!

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

Mean thing to say, regardless of their 'demands'.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

£500 itnay ziada tu nahi hain esp when they r in uk. a son can do atleast this much. i'm surprised u called them greedy just coz they need some help on monthly basis. may be u hav increased ur debt a lot. u should think of ways on cutting down unnecessary expenses rather than cutting down on ur inlaws rights. or else u can go back to work and leave kids with inlaws

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

Wonder when you'll be old and fragile and will have no way to support yourself financially..will your daughters financially support you or tell you they have their own financial problems :p

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i don't think a family of four( mil, fil and 2 sil ...i'm assuming they r 4) can survive on just 500 pounds. they are asking a meager amount imo. how do u know the sils don't help at all. what other resources of income they hav? and how much ur husband earn monthly btw? well i agree with bint naeem here abt the barakat thing...the more u give away(to help needy) the more Allah grants u.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

You husband has a responsibility towards his family. If they are taking some money from their son that does not make them greedy. However , it's your husband's job to maintain a balance and fulfil needs of his parents and you n children equally. If he is making you and his children suffer financially that is his fault he needs to communicate that to his parents and request them to allow him to adjust the money in a way that he may also be able to fulfil his responsibilities towards you and his children. In my opinion as long as he is not asking you to earn for his parents he is not wrong and can send the money earned by him to his parents as long as he wants.

and husband chahay only son ho ya uskay 10 bhai aur hon this does not reduce the responsibility he has towards his family.

Ask him to communicate and maintain a balance.

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Re: Greedy In-laws!!

Firstly, i am not married and don't have these similar expenses to deal with (for now anyway) BUT at the end og the day the people that ur husband is providing for are his parents...not some random people who have no rishta with your family! they are his blood parents...when he was young they made him into the man he is today. the same man that married you.

Why do you assume because you live in the UK there is 'no urgency' to give money to his parents? it is surely about their financial situation also?

And you say they would not care about whether you are able to repay the mortage or not...have u spoken to them? hw do u know they wont care if you havent told them...the vast majority of parents want the best for their children and would never want them to lose the family home.

Also, mashallah you have a house and 2 children. if you knew that ur financial situation is not as good as it can be..you could have SAVED whilst you were both earning. and then have been financially able to take on your responsibilities. i know it seems a 'practical' approach to it all but to be honest it is the best way!

I think the problem therefore lies in your husband rather than you ranting on about your inlaws and calling them 'greedy'...he needs to speak to them...and say mum dad i need to stop the payments for a few weeks or months or whatever

Regardless of what parents are like it is our farz as children to look after our mothers fathers and elder in their old age.

Also, if you knew he was an only son did you really think that you were not going to have to support his family? really? are you that naive in this day in age?

i am engaged to an only son...i see it as my responsibility to help him to help his mother and father. inshallah i will try my best and am going into the marriage with my eyes open and also using common sense. even if elders have a pension ..to ask for money shouldn't be siuch a big issue as this. and when you ay his sisters are a 'waste of space' what do u mean?

I assume there is a lot of 'silence' between your husband you and ur inlaws...you seem to assume that someone is going to offer you something without you asking? just as they asked for £500 maybe you could have asked for some help?

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Maham its all about thinking for others the way we think for our own selves :D