I am engaged to PakistaniCanadian man and I am gori. He proposed recently, without his family’s involvement because they had refused to accept it or even meet over the past yr.
It seems that after he proposed, they have come around a little bit and are more willing to meet me. They’ve stopped telling him to leave me etc.
They are planning to invite me for Iftar in a couple weeks. This will be the first time I have met his father. I briefly met his mother twice (10 mins each time only). His siblings I also do not know. I have also never even seen his house so it’s a lot of new stuff all at once.
I think it would be nice of me to bring them a gift. What should I bring them? My fiance suggested a cake. In Canadian culture, it would be considered more heartfelt to bring a homemade cake in such an instance but I am not sure if to a Pakistani family, a homemade cake would seem cheap. What do you all think?
Beside bringing a gift, do you have any suggestions as to what I should do and or say? I really need to make his family feel comfortable with me and more confident in their son’s choice of wife. I will wear shalwar kameez since I like wearing it and it might help them see me as less alien!
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be... gift?
awww how sweet. U will rock in the shilwar kameez i bet :)
I dunno... every fam is different. I love home made stuff, but something from a sweet shop wrapped in a box is a nice thing for a first time visit. Maybe later you coudl take something homemade?
Are they a fairly modern family or a bit more traditional?
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be... gift?
I think a store bought cake, or a box of sweets/mithai is good for the first visit. I think Pakistani families dont appreciate a homemade cake as much as Canadians. do.
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be... gift?
Thank you! I love wearing shalwar kameez.
Do you think I should bring them mithai? It is the only type of dessert that I know of that will be packaged in a nice box. He said they really like fancy cake so maybe I should just bring one of those? I am a good baker. I love baking, have gone to culinary school and have taken a number of cake decorating courses. I know I could probably make and decorate a tastier, more visually appealing cake than I'd find in most bakeries (if I do say so myself) BUT I don't want them to think I am being cheap. His family seems to like to make semi-grand displays of wealth and buying things for people so I'm concerned that a home-made cake would seem cheapy...
I have no idea if his family is considered traditional or modern. They are modern in their appearance. They left PK in the 70s. Gave birth to their kids in Saudi and then moved here to Canada in the 90s. I think they hold on to the Pakistan they remember from the 70s though. They also allow fear of what the community will think of them dominate their lives.
I just really want them to like me and see that Im not a floozy white girl who is going to divorce their son. I was attracted to him in the first place because of his family morals- they're important to me too. I just don't know how to make them understand that I am a good person and will love and take care of their son to the absolute best of my ability, forever.
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be... gift?
I think you should pick something up from a nice bakery. Shalwar kameeze is a great idea. Good luck!
p.s I think once they actually get to talk to you and get to know you, they wont think of you as some " floozy white" girl. Right now they have no idea who you are as a person, so hopefully this meeting will change all that.
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be... gift?
Okay- thanks for all the responses. I'll go the bakery route and save the eclairs for later. hehe
My fiance explained about the homemade=cheap thing about Pakistanis by saying it is because many Pakistani women never really learned how to bake at least not in the Euro style that western baked goods are based off of. I guess due to that, if something is homemade, it is equated with a mix and mixes are considered cheap?! Do you guys think he is correct?
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be... gift?
I always prefer home baked goods to store bought, and it also shows the hard work that went into that. But your fiance obviously knows his family better so stick to his suggestions.
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be... gift?
Okay- thanks for all the responses. I'll go the bakery route and save the eclairs for later. hehe
My fiance explained about the homemade=cheap thing about Pakistanis by saying it is because many Pakistani women never really learned how to bake at least not in the Euro style that western baked goods are based off of. I guess due to that, if something is homemade, it is equated with a mix and mixes are considered cheap?! Do you guys think he is correct?
dont agree... some of us desi people make mad homemade cakes and other homemade things as well..
i dont think its cheap at all.. but having said that, as its the first visit.. maybe it'd be good to take something special from some nice bakery..
i wouldnt go with mittai.... do u have nice cupcake shops? they have awesome things there to take and they gift wrap them too. Well i know they do here.. not sure abuot canada..
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be... gift?
I was in your shoes not too long ago. When my SO took me to meet his parents for the first time (they live in a different state), I asked him to help me pick out a gift for them. Even if not for "them", I definately wanted to take something at least for his mom. I was super nervous. SO told me how his mom LOVES crystal decorations...especially brand name stuff. So I picked out a decent priced Waterford crystal vase for her with my SO's help. Gues what? His mom loved it! During that weekend I was with them, my SO told me at one point he was alone with his dad...and his dad told him how much his mom loved my gift. And after returning from a recent visit to his parents, SO told me his mom is keeping my vase in their family room.
Moral of the story: The best person to give you ideas on gifts is your fiance! None of us know your fiance's family. Every family is different. Your situation is more "delicate" b/c you're gori and his family is essentially being "forced" to accept you.....so you need to be careful not to make any "mistakes". The salwar kameez idea is brilliant! Ask your SO what he thinks you should take them.
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be… gift?
LOL… our desi mums love little crystal things.. especially branded ones Waterford, Wedgewood.. i dont know many.. but ive heard these names being thrown around. But yeah, u can never go wrong with those kind of things.
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be… gift?
I hope they’ll appreciate the hard work you are putting in to it . :k:
Btw if you’ll bring something Islamic then that might be much closer to their heart . i.e. Tasbeeh , Prayer rug , Quraan , etc . This will also show your willingness to get closer to Islam .
Re: Gori finally meeting the new Pakistani inlaws to be… gift?
Hahahaha…my mom must be weird b/c she’s not into these things! While looking for something for SO’s mom…lol I became an expert at these things! Apparantly Waterford is “#1” followed by Lenox…or so it seems. But to be honest without my SO’s help, I don’t know what would’ve done.
Waterford, Wedgewood.. i dont know many.. but ive heard these names being thrown around. But yeah, u can never go wrong with those kind of things.