I am not sure if it has been asked before on here and talked about, but I just feel like discussing with all you wise parents out there, what are the tips for what we call “good parenting”. My query basically ranges from where does it start like at which age of the baby do you think you need to be conscious about how to parent and train them into a well behaving, well mannered child really. What are the trivials that should be followed and avoided to make your life better and ttrain your child into a person who would become a useful member of the society they live in.
I wonder if it all is genetic or parents do make efforts, I am clueless hence asking. The naughty and unruly kids scare me. Those who just refuse to coperate with their parents especially moms in front of guests and create a scene. We had a guest a while back who had a toddler, and he would just slap his mom’s face every now and then and do such things that were really embarrassing. Honestly I dont want that to happen with me. And at the end of the its the parents who are always blamed for the behaviour of the child.
So please share your dos and donts and tips regarding good parenting.
Consistency. If something is wrong, then it will not be tolerated regardless of the setting, how bad a day you or your child is having etc. ive seen many cases where parents allow something like hitting, swearing, etc at home cuz ofcourse the baby doesnt mean any of those things. But in a public setting that behavior is embarassing and by then the kid is confused abt why he is allowed to hit his mom at home but not at a social gathering.
“Good Parenting” is very subjective. You can’t really find a cookie cutter one size fits all answer or code of conduct/rule book.
IMO, you have to really enjoy it and not dread it. Once you view pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing as a chore or task or something to be scared of, nothing anyone else advises you will make a bit of difference
^ I dont think good parenting is subjective really. Unless it lets you allow the things which are below the mark of “good and acceptable behaviour” of the child you come across. And I guess the definition of good is same everywhere and doesnt vary.
Actually this is too much of “enjoying” factor that spoils the kids actually. Have seen how the parents actually enjoy and kids just get away with whatever they do. I see the rearing of a child as a responsibility first and enjoy the outcome.
And well, a well given advice does make a difference, obviously I didnt come to beat about the bush. Thanks for the link.
I don’t think you’re understanding my point. By “enjoying” I mean you have to really be comfortable and happy about being a parent, not fear it. Enjoying parenting doesn’t mean that you give your kids free reign to run around like animals. It means you don’t fear raising them. It means you are confident and secure in your decisions. It means you don’t loath every aspect or potential pitfall. Enjoying being a parent does not spoil kids, if anything it makes you a better parent with a stronger bond with your children.
If your mind set is all fear and doom and gloom, no amount of advice will ever help you.
And yes, it is subjective. What I consider good parenting obviously is not what you consider good parenting, so who is right and who is wrong?
I believe that losing it on a child … teaches the child “how to lose it” … The more composed the parents the more composed will be the child. So when in public and we see parents all composed and proper, but the kids are manic … the chances are that the parents must be putting on a show … And the home environment is actually different.
children will seek attention … And the way to give back attention is to listen to them, keep them occupied or busy or if they want your time give them it and best result are when they are tired. Reward for good behaviour with little sweets every now and again.
khatti, enjoying parenting is one thing and adopting good parenting is another. And this thread concerns the latter. I am not sure who is not understanding now. All I want is not to have my kids called “badtameez” by the ppl who meet them. And it doesnt really mean one’s mind set is all fear and doom and gloom, or is it?
Agree with khatti!!! There really isn’t a correct way to raise a child. Every child is different and they react differently to how we set boundaries. I have a few family members who have raised kids by parenting books and timetables and some who just winged it. They all turned out fine but I think the happiest ones are the one who grow up in environment where the parent raising them followed their guts and listened to their child’s cue than a book’s guideline. Being a parent is about loving the job and enjoying the responsibility. When you start dreading your parenting skills or when you start wanting your child to become or turn out something he or she is not, that is when a parent should reexamine themself, not the child or where they went wrong.
I agree wth khatti and moodie, you cant categorize it as good or bad parenting, evry kid is different even siblings are different everyone has different sets of rules, every kid demand is different, you just cant say this is good n this is bad. I never followed any technique just followed instincts being her mum I know how to deal wth her, may be my approach gets different wth other baby.
I have no clue what I am doing, but for now, the basic purpose is making my kid feel secure in himself. I do try to adopt small little things like saying salam to him when he wakes, saying NO when he slaps me accidentally, not allowing him to yank on hair. Surprisingly, even though he is only 6 months old, he does not grab my hair like he used to. I say no and he opens his hands. I am not sure if that is evidence of it working or just coincidence.
^ You are not “enjoying” him pulling your hair? I am surprised.
I agree babies are babies after all, and they do not know right from wrong, but there is an age where there should be an effort to begin. I was reading the thread khatti gave the link of, and Muzna’s post there in really made sense. I loved to know that its better to convey your message in a positive tone to a child instead of just thrusting your set of rules on them. I also agree with the thought that babies learn it from their parents first, and that they should be given a secure environment. See, this is what I need help about. Good to know how you can help your child become a better person instead of just going random and enjoying. Ofcourse every mother enjoys motherhood, but it shouldnt ruin the child.
Funny thing is, everyone thinks they are the best parents, even when they are criticized otherwise. This is where others know better whether we are doing our job correctly or not. Children make an expression and the world is not too naive to be fooled. Better to open your eyes and learn instead of living in a fool’s paradise.
I’m very confident in my abilities as a parent and mashallah they’ve already made an incredible impression on this world as well adjusted, well behaved boys. And I managed to accomplish that by “enjoying” every single second of their lives thus far. A fool’s paradise indeed.
I didnt even hint at your abilities as a good parent khatti. You dont have to compare yourself with every tom dick and harry to prove how perfect you are. This thread is not about you. I agree anyways that you are a perfect parent, may you continue to be so. The “digs” were not even aimed at you or anyone in particular, lol. You didnt claim in any prior post that you are a perfect parent for me to point at “you” in the very first place. We all have a right to agree or to agree to disagree. Dont take it to your heart. Chill out.
I’m no where near perfect, nor have I ever professed to be such. When you keep using my words from my posts against me in " " marks, then of course I’m going to take it personally.
Every child is different. A 2 year old throwing fits and screaming her head off every time she hears no is not necessarily a “badtameez” kid. That is just a phase, which will pass. It will not define her. She will not throw those tantrums when she’s 12.
I don’t think we have to go out of our way to discipline our kids. Just be yourself. Do what you normally do. Your child will learn from you, so if you are respectful towards everyone she will be too (iA). Most importantly I feel like we should let them be kids. Let them run around in their underwear if they want to. They will have plenty of time to be all proper when they’re older.
I dont want anyone to compliment me tht i am doing good my result be in front of me when i see my baby behaving in front of me Thts enough for me, i will never like ppl judging me. I will never take it aS responsibilty i want to enjoy like khati said these realtions are so puré n beatiful its not responsibilty its like you are living these moments n if you dont enjoying it tu Phr kya
A two year old doesnt come under a category where the behaviour can be controlled, (I hope now this doesnt trigger another argument coz some people just love to argue and beat others for the sake of it, phew) AND I very much agree that phases pass. But if a six year old is pulling his mom’s hair and slapping her and telling her “main apki watt laga donga”, in front of me, it be our very first meeting, I will definitely wonder if this is the way of speaking to parents. And that DOES look bad tameez. Honestly I am not sure who is to blame more, the class mates, siblings or parents themselves. Not all six year olds use such a language to their parents. Do they? I am NOT necessarily assuming that every child or my children will grow this way, but definitely no parent wants this to happen to them. I think achay bachay differ from bad tameez bachay, and there must be some reason they do. Some line to draw. When I said “wise” parents, (Khatti I just put inverted commas on my own word here, am I digging at myself here? ) it was to those who have somehow had the experience of rearing their children, and successfully too. Ofcourse compliments prove and I believe such parents are lucky to recieve such compliments, a reward of lifetime. Toddlers’ moms dont even qualify here (tho I sincerely wish and hope same for you when D and Y growup )
I agree with each one of you about enjoying the time, BUT that is something else. I still believe “Good Parenting” needs an effort, even if any of you thinks it is only an allusion.
Why cant a parent enjoy being a parent and still discipline their kid?!? Enjoying parenthood doesn’t mean you let nature rear your children because discipling is just as important as any other parental responsibilities. Yes children go through phases and toddlers are difficult because they overwhelmed with needs and wants and they can barely differentiate
between the two so of course they may throw tantrums but its how you deal with it as a parent knowing YOUR kid that matters. Not every kid is the same and not every tantrum is the same. Lets not confuse a lazy parent with a parent who enjoys parenting. I know plenty guppans and mothers who are chilled laid back moms who dote on their kids and understand their children will have a meltdown here and there and their beauty is that they are not overwhelmed or panicked by the challenges. They relish in the good and the bad and mom on!!!
) it was to those who have somehow had the experience of rearing their children, and successfully too. Ofcourse compliments prove and I believe such parents are lucky to recieve such compliments, a reward of lifetime. Toddlers’ moms dont even qualify here 
(tho I sincerely wish and hope same for you when D and Y growup 
)