How do you feel about buying a few affordable gold pieces for party wear and getting grand artificial sets for the actual wedding and Valima? As we don’t wear these for anyother occasion, I think we can get away with it. What’s your take on it?
Do you know of good artificial jwellery shops in Karachi that have good artificial sets? Here are a few examples:
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
I myself am not sure whether to wear real or artificial, i don't think my mum will agree with artificial lol
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
for artifical jewellary checkout TARIQ center, tariq road.. n gulf..
no harm in wearing artifical jewellary but me n my mom prefer gold coz its like an asset for the rest of ur life..
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
I have no issues earing artificial sets - quite frankly I don't like wearing gold anyway - however my future MIL almost had a fit when I suggested wearing artificial (lovely artificial - not cheap tat btw) on the wedding - hence me having the impossible task of getting my mum's side'sgold to match with what my in laws are going to give me..
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
its all depends on one's affordibility...normally heavy sets suit for brides n if one cant afford then buy a heavy artificial..also depends on choice.
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my parents wouldnt allow me to wear an arfiticial set on my wedding and were insisting to the last minute i get something in gold.. money wasnt an issue at all but i just didnt like the idea of the huge thing just sitting in the locker and me never ever wearing it again. so i asked them to make me smaller sets for the price of that one big one... they did it , not so happily but its all good now.. i get good use out of my gold and wear it quite often.
but no way will the folks do it again for any of their other childrens weddings :D
they believe its an occassion where money is meant to be spent... and gold kabhi zaya nahi jatha.. which is true. but im still happy with my gold sets.
Yeah I'm confused about this as well!!
any other ideas girls? Would you suggest an artificial for the weddinig, something that's not cheap looking ofcourse
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
i would. no one could have guessed mine wasnt gold. everyone was surprised when i did say it was artificial.. just get good quality stuff. :)
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
I believe the only reason most people wear/buy Gold jewelry for their weddings, knowing they will never wear it again, knowing they cannot afford it, is simply to show off and keep face. This is very different from what Islam teaches. Now, if you fancy gold or if you do have thousands to spend and not worry, that's perfectly fine. I see nothing wrong with it. But most families in Pakistan go into debt trying to buy gold just so they can keep face in society. Even parents frown on the idea of artificial jewelry.
Why?
What are we teaching our kids? That just so a few hundred people who mean nothing can see a few more thousands around you neck, you should go in debt? That our society has descended to a level where family values are judged by the weight of the rings on the bride's fingers? That the amount of respect a daughter-in-law gets depends on the amount of gifts she brought with her?
Disgusting. We need to look past shiny objects and gifts to see people as they are.
We should judge people on their values, morals and education not by the weight per gram.
That is all. Nothing else.
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
^Excellent! That was brilliantly put YP! When I got married, I took my fiance shopping. My mother and sister accompanied us. We don't have any financial issues and my mother and sister went all out wanting her to get extravagant things. She did. But not something which she wasn't going to wear ever again and definitely not because we wanted to to show off to the world how much dough we had. My wife designed her jewelry and had it custom made but it wasn't gold. That was her wise choice.
I am very impressed with your thinking YP. It's the thinking of a leader!
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
Everyone in my family has gone for gold, and got plenty of wear out of them, they're set's may not be massive but they're bigger than the average. So bearing that in mind I would go for gold - but just not a set that would be unwearable again, also as its something I'd like to pass on to my children.
I do think the other consideration should be the payment of zakat, as all that gold could amount to rather large annual zakat payments. So though you may bend over backwards to afford the set for the big day, can you really afford to keep it?
I believe the only reason most people wear/buy Gold jewelry for their weddings, knowing they will never wear it again, knowing they cannot afford it, is simply to show off and keep face. This is very different from what Islam teaches. Now, if you fancy gold or if you do have thousands to spend and not worry, that's perfectly fine. I see nothing wrong with it. But most families in Pakistan go into debt trying to buy gold just so they can keep face in society. Even parents frown on the idea of artificial jewelry.
Why? What are we teaching our kids? That just so a few hundred people who mean nothing can see a few more thousands around you neck, you should go in debt? That our society has descended to a level where family values are judged by the weight of the rings on the bride's fingers? That the amount of respect a daughter-in-law gets depends on the amount of gifts she brought with her?
Disgusting. We need to look past shiny objects and gifts to see people as they are. We should judge people on their values, morals and education not by the weight per gram. That is all. Nothing else.
Well said. I just completely dislike those huge gold sets stuffed up on bride's neck. Infact you can get good quality small gold sets to be worn after the wedding in parties etc thats much better... and even pass them on to your children later in life. How much can you do with one big gold set which you will not wear again. ahh specially those yellowish rani haars make me cringe....
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^ another option is getting one of hte double sets, that comes as a choker and a necklace so they can be worn separately. I had always preferred to wear something artificial for the wedding and save the "real" stuff for smaller, easily wearable ones, i'd still recommend that but hey parents had other ideas. Deff agree with how one shoudln't do ANYTHING that will cause them personal harm (financial, emotional etc) otherwise, just to save face. thats not right at all.
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Another thing i dislike is how the other side always tends to look down on the other side, as if someone who wears artificial is themselves cheap or the one who wears real gold is being a showoff. i mean thas not cool.
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I wanted artifical sets for all my events but neither my in laws nor my parents would hear it. Instead they spent a ridicuous amount of money buying my gold, diamonds, pearls and rubies. I don't know when I will ever wear them again?
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
i thought the reason desi people tend to buy so much gold is as financial security for their daughters - obviously an artificial set will not hold the same value down the line that a gold/precious gems set will. i'm sure not everyone out there that is purchasing large gold sets is doing so for the show off factor.
YP, what are your plans for your own upcoming wedding/wedding shopping? will you go head to head with your inlaws if they insist on buying you gold, or is it only an issue if someone is going into debt for these purchases?
at the end of the day, every family's priorities are different- you are marrying into an educated, cultured family so these statements are easy to make, but if you were a parent who weren't as educated and who's daughter was getting married into a similar family, wouldn't you do everything you could to ensure her value/security?
i'm just saying that yes, i agree, this is an issue in our society, but unless society shifts its thinking on a massive scale- upper, lower and middle classes together, these things will continue happening, and for some, it'll be something they maybe don't want to do but have to do, to protect their daughters in their new homes and lives. its a much bigger problem IMO than just one of superficial people and "keeping face". i also find from personal experience and observation that this whole "keeping face" thing is much more dominant amongst the upper classes who already have so much and yet still feel the need to demonstrate to their peers exactly how much they have.
It is nice to own a few real gold pieces, but at the end it's you that will be wearing them. If u don't want gaudy/tacky yellow gold them opt for sumthing subtle with stones/kundan etc. I know how mother's and MIL's insist on having gold only.. but get a few artificial sets for the endless after-wedding parties u'll be invited to! I bought several aquamarine and topaz sets to go with my outfits.. those set's are small but very pretty! U can get really pretty ones for Rs. 9,000-14,000
yp- Your line of thinking is quite culturally insensitive and devalues the traditions cultures are enriched in. The wearing/giving of gold stemmed from the idea of ensuring ones daughters financial security. For, even if she did not work, she would know that she has something to fall back on for her family or herself in the future.
To make statements (broad, sweeping ones at that) is basically saying that the worldview of pakistanis is wrong, and the worldview of the outsider is right. That is a very closed way of looking at things and will get us nowhere.
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
i never owned a gold set until my wedding, and I never had any interest in them, I have never been brought up being told that gold is everything and i dont wear any either - i havent worn any since my walima lol - but my MIL knows im not keen on it bless her! but now i have it my mum says keep it safe as u never know when u may need them through hard times, or to pass them on through generations will also be a nice idea!
Re: Gold V/S Artifical Wedding Sets
People...gold is not not the only means of giving your daughter financial security! A family friend made a down-payment on a condo for their daughter and gave her less gold and joras! That's an investment into her furture and it won't be stuffed in a locker. My own cousin opted for a piece of real-estate over gold! I'm not joking...this was 2-3 years ago. And a year later when her brother got married and her mom and dad wanted to give her a gift (gold set or what not) she opted for a car instead because her husband couldn't afford to buy one. And people were like ohhh...that's all they gave her...one set and 8 choorian..and I was like...hellooo...she chose what she needed not what the world expected her to get based on her dad's wealth!
The point is that YP is not saying that having gold is bad...it's more like you shouldn't feel that you HAVE to HAVE IT even though you can't afford it. I understand that it's a tradition and it's nice to have and pass down but when gold price is at a all time high, inflation in countries like Pakistan is increasing by the minute...and your disposible income is high as well...money should be spent on things that are more essential...IMO! When we speak about gold and expenditure onw eddings we shouldn't confine our thinking to what we have around us. There are ALOT of people who can't afford the stuff that most of us think is mandatory for a decent wedding.