Re: Gold Sets- Baree and Jahez
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ok girls one more question like how do u take ur jewellery with u do u own a locker where u keep. I mean after the shadee day who is responsible to keep all this jewellery?
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I only keep a few small sets and bracelets at home, everything else in the bank and then when I know I will be needing them I take them out beforehand. I dont like to keep too much at home with me
^ where did you get the white gold sets made from? does anyone know of any shops in ISB/Pindi that sell white gold and diamond jewelry?
back to the topic, i got one big set, one small set, 10 bangles, 2-3 rings (from my parents) and two small sets from relatives (nani & khala). one big set, one pearl necklace and two kare from in-laws.
Re: Gold Sets- Baree and Jahez
As to the question normally the wedding sets are from ur Parents, where as Valima sets are from Susraal, but it depends on the family..
Every parent, specially South Asian parents since the concept of jahez is still very much there, goes above and beyond their budget and financial limitation when it comes to giving away jewelery in jahez. However, in my opinion, no standard should be set or it will be very hard for many people who aren't financially stable enough to give away kilos of jewelery to their daughters. And considering the current economic situation of Pakistan, that time isn't very much far away when many people won't be able to marry their daughters off because of crazy high cost of absolutely everything. It's sad :(.
You may disgaree but that is what I feel and wanted to share my two cents with all of you.
ok girls one more question like how do u take ur jewellery with u do u own a locker where u keep. I mean after the shadee day who is responsible to keep all this jewellery?
I keep mine in the locker at my bank.
so there is no defined how much of anything u should be getting at the wedding. and u only have right over what ure side is doing.. i dont think girls should interfere and say they want this much of this and that much of that when it comes to the bari. unless they are asked.
I think this is a really important point.
Shay, this is a topic that can cause a lot of anxiety, hurt feelings, passionate rage, and more. These are all materialistic things. It is the marriage that matters. It's fine to ask about others experiences, but don't let a preconceived notion of what's "right" ruin your relationships.
Re: Gold Sets- Baree and Jahez
agree...why accumulate zevar...after all you are not going to be wearing it all at once....plus you are going to keep buying things all your life...the tradition of accumulating and sending it off with the bride had a security purpose...now that we as ndependent women....like to buy things as we see...this tradition of bari/jahez..doesnt hold the same value...
agree...why accumulate zevar...after all you are not going to be wearing it all at once....plus you are going to keep buying things all your life...the tradition of accumulating and sending it off with the bride had a security purpose...now that we as ndependent women....like to buy things as we see...this tradition of bari/jahez..doesnt hold the same value...
If you like it and can afford it, I think it's fine to accumulate it -- but I'm just concerned that sometimes when we share this info, there's a feeling that each person has to get more than the last, or that your worth as a bride is measured by your gold, and that's just not true. There are different traditions, customs, and perspectives in each family. As long as no insult is intended, it's best to honor these diverse perspectives, rather than feel insecure about them.
I think this is a really important point.
Shay, this is a topic that can cause a lot of anxiety, hurt feelings, passionate rage, and more. These are all materialistic things. It is the marriage that matters. It's fine to ask about others experiences, but don't let a preconceived notion of what's "right" ruin your relationships.
The thread is not to give myself a heart attack over what I am getting or how much gold to get out of my inlaws. I don't even like gold, have asked my parents and inlaws to keep it minimal because neither do I wear jewelry often nor do I need something just sitting there for years. However, my mom is insisting these are traditions so I want to see how it's done.
so there is no defined how much of anything u should be getting at the wedding. and u only have right over what ure side is doing.. i dont think girls should interfere and say they want this much of this and that much of that when it comes to the bari. unless they are asked.
again, this thread is not to find out what everyone's getting and then call up my mil to say, so and so got 8 sets so make sure you send that many my way. as for the bari, i don't think it's appropriate to demand stuff from inlaws, and i wouldn't do that because i can ask my parents to make me whatever i want. however if the inlaws start interfering into our side and telling us what my parents should be giving me then that's an issue.
Re: Gold Sets- Baree and Jahez
i had one big set and a small set from parents plus a 2 rings and 8 chooriyan and one big set and small plus 6 chooriyan from in laws and i am perfectly happy with that
to be honest i was a bit shocked that ppl recieved 8 - 10 sets from parents or in laws , but ofcourse if they could afford it and are happy that way why not
however i thought the norm was just 2 sets chooriyan and some rings
i think whatever someone is able to give you should be accepted with a happy heart as its given with love whether its 1 gold set or 10
Re: Gold Sets- Baree and Jahez
Demanding...not demaning...it all depends on the relationship you have with your inlaws. If someone feels comfortanle enough with their FIL/MIl to ask for something specific or ask for a lot of it...then let them be. Most people don't develop that type of relationship with thier inaws but some do! To each their own :-)
I agree with chanda_kh about not accumulating jewellery for the hell of it....and I repeat...for the hell of it!
The thread is not to give myself a heart attack over what I am getting or how much gold to get out of my inlaws. I don't even like gold, have asked my parents and inlaws to keep it minimal because neither do I wear jewelry often nor do I need something just sitting there for years. However, my mom is insisting these are traditions so I want to see how it's done.
nothing wrong with asking. That's what this website is about: gupshup. If you don't want to say, you don't have to... i was quite intrigued by this thread.
to be honest i was a bit shocked that ppl recieved 8 - 10 sets from parents or in laws , but ofcourse if they could afford it and are happy that way why not
Actually most parents start collecting/saving for years before hte wedding. it's just easier that way, different designs, especialy when prices keep changing and then when time comes, they can have it changed into a different design or give it as is. Another option i've heard ppl doing is buying gold bricks and saving those til they need it make into jewelery. Sounds like a good idea but i'm sure others would know better.......
Re: Gold Sets- Baree and Jahez
I don’t really wear gold much, although my nani and my phupo tend to get me little pendant and earring sets for special occasions.
I quite like artificial jewellery and tend to wear to stick to wearing chooriyaan and earrings for special occasions.
On a day to day basis I wear a diamond ring and some diamond studs. I have already decided and told my mum when it comes to me getting married, I just want to borrow her jewellery. Mashallah she has some really stunning pieces e.g. emerald and ruby sets which are lovely and are timeless. Even my mum hardly gets a chance to wear her jewellery and it would be pointless for me to get additional pieces just for it to sit in the bank:smack:
The only thing I would want is a jhoomar and I will be more than happy. My 13 year old sister told my nani she likes rani haars/saat laaras and next thing you know my nani gave her rani haar set thing to my sis. She doesn’t even have her ears pierced! 
My mum got most of her jewellery from my nani. Dad got Mum some sets after their wedding. Daadi got Mum some karay, a ring, a medium sized set and a pendant set.
I think Dad used to feel as if my Daadi had been a bit harsh on my Mum hence why he bought her quite a few pieces at a later date. Mum never minded and even to this day never complained or anything.
I suppose bari/jahez traditions are something which are relative to each family. In our family there is no set tradition, it is based on an individual basis and dependant on where you live, the type of person you are, whether you will wear get wear out of what you are given etc etc.
How many gold sets are you suppose to get for jahez and baree? Which side do the wedding/valima sets come from?
You don't even have to have any gold sets at all! What do people less fortunate do? Nothing, they just marry and enjoy! :)
It all depends on what each fam' can afford, what type of person you are and on personal choice/ understanding. Even one set from inlaws is generous enough considering how expensive gold has become! Lol! Remember that you have to pay zakat on all your gold too! Lol. I have noticed many times how my cousins, friends, Bhabi's etc have sold their gold to pay off their yearly zakat.
I had a few sets made by inlaws.
My cousin on other hand married into a very rich Multani family. She was given 74kg of gold. Oh her wedding day she wore a 50 lakh typical Multani necklace which was so heavy that she had to have a special weight put on the neck-side at the back to balance the necklace so it wouldn't hurt her neck - which it still did anway. Her dress was made out of material and 6 lakh of gold in it!
You see everyone is different...everyone has different balance in their bank accounts and everyone has different thinking on what they should do with their money! Shocking for some but expected in some families!
So don't worry about how many sets so and so gives...just try to enjoy your married life and life with inlaws. :)
Re: Gold Sets- Baree and Jahez
Oh Lord, what have I started :D
Why is it impossible to start a thread and look for some relevant answers? Why do people assume I am here worrying about my bari/jahez and going to put a gun to my mil's head to give me more gold or that I am giving importance to materialistic things more than the marriage?
:p
No set pattern Shay, u're MIL may have a lot of "armaan's" and might want to give u whatever she wants, same thing with u're parents. My mother's been collecting for ages, and i've always made it clear I want small wearable things instead of heavy sets that are hardly worn.
It’s ok Shay:hugz: I understood your question. Just read the necessary bits and ignore the bits that you don’t need to know. For those who think you are doing it because you are worrying about your jahez/bari, let them; you just want insight into family traditions and how other people interpret the concepts of jahez/bari. 
