Let me set up the scenario and I’m borrowing some real details from some friends’ lives to make this realistic.
Let’s say you dated/met a guy (girl) for rishta purposes and spent months getting to know them. Both of you were quite emotionally involved and saw yourself married. It didn’t work out for whatever reason (let’s say an evil MIL who didn’t think you were good enough to marry her son/daughter) and you’ve never spoken to that person since the end of your relationship.
You’ve gone on to marry someone else. Your ex is better-looking, more educated, funnier than your current spouse and your current spouse is a bit of the suspicious/jealous type who hates to hear about there having been anyone in your life before they entered it. Your spouse’s cousin is getting married and guess who they’re marrying? Your ex! So there’s absolutely no getting out of this wedding invite.
Your spouse knows nothing about your ex and not going to wedding would raise some eyebrows.
What do you do? Tell your spouse about your ex and go the wedding? Avoid the wedding? Discuss.
If you're not emotionally involved, you've moved on etc etc, then it's just a moment of awkwardness.
It's when you start making excuses/lies/avoid the wedding that it becomes more of a big deal than it should be.
Well what maddy sweet bunch said..if ya have moved on then there is not an issue. However..though there is bit of feeling of involved (which is suspect there is) then make an excuse. Yo!..if it was my ex..i wouldn't go though.
If you're not emotionally involved, you've moved on etc etc, then it's just a moment of awkwardness.
**It's when you start making excuses/lies/avoid the wedding that it becomes more of a big deal than it should be.
**Just splain it to the hubby and go.
Well put. If it's really the past....then it shouldn't be problem. Hiding it from the current spouse (especially since you're good friends with the family that the ex is marrying into) is a bad idea. Its better than the spouse find out from you about your past then hear "things" from other people.
I went to my fiance's ex-gf's wedding last year so I'm speaking from personal experience. It wasn't a big deal in my case. Now if I had found out who she was from someone other than my fiance...then it would've been a different story. But he told me everything himself and left it upto me as to whether or not we would attend the wedding. I decided we should go and have no regrets about my decision.
Apparently my scenario isn’t chaskay-daar enough :hinna: What additional details can I add to help create a spicy Life1 thread that runs at least 5 pages (that’s my goal for today)
The ex is better-looking, more educated, funnier than your current spouse and your current spouse is a bit of the suspicious/jeaous type who hates to hear about there having been anyone in your life before they entered it.
Would this make a difference in whether you would tell your spouse about the ex and go to the wedding. Oh, and let's make it a mandatory. The girl/guy your ex is marrying is your current spouse's cousin - so absolutely no getting out of this wedding invite.
It really depends on the person I am married to and if I know he will never let me live in peace, throw my ex in my face every chance He gets then I would quietly fake a stomach bug and stay the hell home. If hubs is hey no problem so what if u have an ex, I have one too and yours happen to be marrying mine, then I would put on my dancing shoes n go have a ball!!!
I'd still go. To make the point that I'm married to hubbyface now and the ex means nothing to me.
If I broke up with the ex because things didn't work out, I would assume that I picked someone open-minded enough to understand that I have an ex and that it's in my past.
If I start cowering at the thought that he'll get jealous/upset then it won't help to tip-toe around the issue and make things worse by not going.
Plus it's mandatory that I go anyways, so might as well get the sparkly tinsel outfits out!
I'd go to the partaaay drunk. That way my own mediocre looking spouse will look more like a 10. The ex's husband will look more like a zero. And who doesn't like drama?
The ex is better-looking, more educated, funnier than your current spouse and your current spouse is a bit of the suspicious/jeaous type who hates to hear about there having been anyone in your life before they entered it.
Would this make a difference in whether you would tell your spouse **about the ex and go to the wedding. Oh, and let's make it a mandatory. The girl/guy your ex is marrying is your current spouse's cousin - so absolutely no getting out of this wedding invite**.
This doesn't make sense. If you were invilved with the ex during a formal rishta talk...that means your parents/ex's parents and other possible family members are aware of it. And if there is no way to get out going to the wedding....and in fact, the ex is marrying a close family member.....then sooner or later, the current spouse WILL find out about the past. In this scenario, you don't have a choice as to whether or not your spouse finds out. B/C if you don't tell him/her....sooner or later....one of your loving desi family members will.
This doesn't make sense. If you were invilved with the ex during a formal rishta talk...that means your parents/ex's parents and other possible family members are aware of it. And if there is no way to get out going to the wedding....and in fact, the ex is marrying a close family member.....then sooner or later, the current spouse WILL find out about the past. In this scenario, you don't have a choice as to whether or not your spouse finds out. B/C if you don't tell him/her....sooner or later....one of your loving desi family members will.
It is possible. I just threw the rishta scenario in to legitimize it for the conservative people who haww-hayee over dating.
But even in a rishta talk, maybe future MIL was initially keen and then when her son/daughter went gaga over the girl/guy, she cancelled the rishta because she was afraid of losing her child. But only your own and your ex's immediate family know about the failed rishta.
Now the situation is more sticky because the mil will be sizing me up if I did better than her son? She won't get to relish in the sauce of sheer joy that someone could make me happier than her son and that would make this shaadi even more awkward!!!!!!!
