I guess for all the rest of your life you both will do things your way. So for just one day if something is going to make your parents happy let them do. Once you leave, those pictures and those videos will make up for your absence. And bano singhar is allowed in islam. Have you read that Bibi saiyjda(a.s) ki kahani, where Allah sends her pretty clothes, itar, and jewelry from janat so she can wear them on the wedding of that girl (whose father was a jew ).
And you dont need to have too much make up or jewelry, if little jewelry and make up makes you comfortable then wear little bit.
Talk to your parents hopefully they will understand you. Wish you both good luck and best wishes.
I think if we want to change anything in our culture we should try to change it gradually unless it needs imminent change like swarra, kari karo or honor killing.. we dont spend our lives indeendly but in society.. even slam didnt broke tribal systems.. slavery was abondoned in some time..
Marriage is a union between families.. if it isnt what the need in first place to invite ones own parents in it.. Islam calls for just 2 gawahs! Parents have a great right and unless they ask for some unislamic thing that should be opposed outrightly.. now Islam clealy call for a middle path in all aspects of human life.. we should not go to extremes.. either too much pomp and show or outright negation of every norm and culture.. wat one can do s to change to simplicity gradually and try to apply that to future generations.. my grandmom could only go to grade 5 as she wasnt allowed to study firther.. my mom was able to become doctor after great struggle and oppostion from family but my sister was ableto beome doctor and even go abroad for studies..
If we outright try to run from every family union and tradition we would be turned into narcissist and self-rightest arrogant individuals..
hmmm Sarah.. find the middle way.... make 2 lists.. things u dont feel very strongly against.. adn things u feel very strongly against.... for example.. maybe the venue dinner guests etc can be according to ure folks wishes..... the way u dress, make up... video and pics can be done how u want to do them... less make up... moderate dressing.... for video its always so boring to just have the camera focused on the bride and groom.. maybe u can have a family member volunteer... they can go around "interviewin" guests.. ask them how they know the happy couple... they can give u their duas etc.... we did this last part for a cousin who got married last yr... teh birde is usualy so non social at her own wedding.. she doesnt get to talk to anyone other than whoever ends up sittin next to her .... so after teh wedding the cousin enjoyed watchin the video... with guests giving her duas and well wishes.... and tellin soem funny stories of the bride (or grooom, depends on who was doing the talking)... rather than have her face pop up in the middle of some flower every 20 seconds like they normally do in wedding vids .. this way teh camera wont be on u 24/7 .. ure happy ( i hope).. and ure folks are very happy....
Whoever said the wedding day was for the bride and groom?! Firstly, as loads of people have said, let your parents do what they want. In these situations it's sometimes easier to think whatever makes them happy makes you happy instead of what I want vs what they want. Thats not to say you have to be a total pushover. Get a third person involved in your wedding planning, i.e. a professional wedding planner, if you can afford it. It will remove the frustration and take the sting out of confronting your parents over every little detail, and you can give your input too. Basically it allows for greater compromise more easily with someone else involved. So hopefully in the end everyone will be happy with arrangements. And don't forget to be creative with what you want or don't want.
Sarah one of my first cousins also got married with zero makeup, her brother (also my cousin) and my cousin's husband are both in tableeghi, and my cousin observes niqab
the shadi was in a wedding hall here in karachi
they did not have any camera men or movie makers at the wedding as they dont believe taking pics is islamic
but she did wear a fancy dress....not extremely heavy but it was a proper dulhan's outfit..
maybe if u dont want a professional movie made, your sis and mom can jus take your pics on the home camera?
i'd agree with what everyone else said..if you can talk to your parents nicely and they happily agree to find a middle way and they really wont get hurt about it, that'll be awesome...jus bring it up lightly at the breakfast or dinner table...dont make it look like a real big deal...jus bring it up lightly and mention it lightly and talk really calmly and nicely...and be compromising in ur attitude, dont be stubborn....im sure they'll listen to u....but if they might be a lil bit hurt coz they have been really looking fwd to this, and if they really want a big wedding and are not happy about the changes you propose, then just let em do what they wana do, coz in the end it'll give you a bigger happiness knowing you have just given in to your parents wishes than having your way...dont be too hung up on what you want coz in the end you'll feel happiest when everyone is happy
also as Destinee said, u r leaving them anyway, let them have that last happiness that they vidaa'd their dee according to how they wanted..
p.s. to be honest my first reaction to this thread was: Maniac and Sarah, stop being like ziddi and nakhreelay kids now :D just be good and listen to ur parents :D u'll get lotsa time to do ur own marzi after u r living by yrself and have ur own family.. :)
Sarah, Just talk to your parents like you are talking to us here on form. Try to convince them politely. Let them know about your likes, dislikes and feelings. Try to talk them to some middle way where you and they can be happy. Divide your likes and dislikes in 2 categories. May be you can make them happy by compromising on little things. Sometimes we do make things more difficult for our selves than things are. May be your parents agree with your views without any (or very little) problem.
I don’t think you want your Hubby to talk to your parents too. It’s quite possible (and natural) that they will take it negatively thinking that you are giving your hubby more importance than them (well…). Everyone needs time to get adjust with the new member of the family.
And if even after talking to them things don’t seem to go your way; it will be exclusively your call. You can simply deny them their wishes/happiness (of course you are a GROWNUP and INDEPENDENT girl) but hey I have not seen people living happy life if their parents wishes are not with them and I would not do that at any cost and will even ride the horse if they want me to on my Barat’s day !
if you really dont want to hurt them just do it.. go with the flow..
one you may regret it later when all the aunties ask why or when you feel like you didnt really have your day ...
and the other thing is parents look foward to this all thier lives.. jsut let them have it.
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*Originally posted by ~MuNiYa~: *
why does it make you uncomfy?
if you really dont want to hurt them just do it.. go with the flow..
one you may regret it later when all the aunties ask why or when you feel like you didnt really have your day ...
and the other thing is parents look foward to this all thier lives.. jsut let them have it.
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I really don't care about aunties, they can talk behind my back all they want but they better not do it in front of me.
Everyone gave really good advice. I'll send papa what I wrote here over email. Thank you. I'm gonna compromise, they can do whatever they want but the clothes are my forte and my choice of venue and no video cameras and pictures whatsoever are gospel.
Who the heck are you to even bother offering your opinions on this thread ?
First of all, i am her husband because we have had our nikah. Read her post carefully, she mention its just Rukhsati. You know islam well enough to know that i am her husband, not a bloody boyfriend.
Second, why do you go about blabbering your mouth about her pretending to be simple ? Simple does not mean one doesnt use the internet and follows the cultural norms.
Both me and her want it to be a simple 'rukhsati'. That is no dhol dhamaka, no expensive dinners and huge splashy events. There's nothing wrong with it.
It really pisses me off that you come about saying that she's just 'pretending' to be simple. I know her better then you ever will....
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Sarah has nicely answered to Madhani below ur reply.. its not ur thread but Sarah's.. r u going to burst everytime some one doesnt agree with Sarah here? shes been posting here for a long time.. and this is a public forum..should we all have to go thru ur screening for repies to her threads.. we may not agree with what Madhani posts but each guppie has her/his own style.. and we r used to it.. for compalints there is a feedbak section or moderators and admins emails..
It's not about whether a month-long bhangra party or an intimately set reception is the way a wedding should go. It's your wedding, you have the final call- but I'd definitely advise talking it out before finalizing anything, considering ur parents' wishes to some extent as well.
Like some have already mentioned, try communicating ur ideas with the folks about how you think the festivities should be carried about, but dont bring it on too strong. Try to get a feel of what they would like to see as well, and how enthusiastic /disinterested they are about particular aspects of it. They may not necessarily express/display their dismay if you say ur not interested in carrying out some things the way they want to, but they may well feel it.
You may/may not have to make some compromises on ur part and I'm sure they'd be open to listening what you have to say as well. If they want to do it with more halla-gulla, it's only natural. In the end, try to reach some sort of middle ground, you give some, you take some, it's the way life goes.
Besides, it's a wedding, you're starting a whole new chapter in ur life the day after. Giving others a chance at expressing their hapiness for you the way they'd like to for those few days will only make for fonder memories on their part as well. :)
btw, I've been away from GS for a long time and had no idea about your hook-up, mash'Allah. Many congratulations to you and Maniac bhai, wishing you many happy n succesful years ahead of you both. :)
Sarah has nicely answered to Madhani below ur reply.. its not ur thread but Sarah's.. r u going to burst everytime some one doesnt agree with Sarah here? shes been posting here for a long time.. and this is a public forum..should we all have to go thru ur screening for repies to her threads.. we may not agree with what Madhani posts but each guppie has her/his own style.. and we r used to it.. for compalints there is a feedbak section or moderators and admins emails..
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Look degas, i have no arguments with you and would rather you stay out of it.
Madhanee's comment about Sarah pretending didnt go well with me and i responded as i saw fit.
As for complaining in the feedback forum, to what end ? He's here to stay and i just have to deal with it.
one thing i learnt Sarah, the wedding is not YOUR day (sighz)
i speak from experience, let your parents have their fun, i mean they want it to be memorable, the day wont come back again, so let them give it as much shebang as they want - and enjoy it!
:biggthumb :bhangra: 
:bhangra: 