I don’t know if this is common in others househoulds.
Let’s say someone comes over to give an estimate for some service, or some guys are doing renovation work in the room near the garage. I sometimes want to listen in on what is being said about the estimates being given, or to see how the work is coming along in the room, because sometimes I may notice something or have a question that may be valid or important. However, I am usually told to go to my room and stay there until the people have left. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am a little girl, but I still listen and do it. Do your parents tell you the same thing?
I wonder if its because I am a girl. Today we had someone over for something, and I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Ammi told me to wait, then gave me water, and told me to go to my room because she doesn’t want the guy to stare at me. I was thinking to myself that this is very peculiar. I dont consider myself to be someone people would want to stare at, so why would anyone want to stare? Is it regardless of the way I look and just because I am a girl, that parents think someone will stare? Are your parents like this sometimes? I know parents have good intentions, and thats great but I feel alienated sometimes.
Majority of the time I don’t mind staying in my room because I am usually quite shy with strangers, but today I really wanted to hear what the guy had to say. An interesting thing is that a lady also came to the house, and I was allowed out at that time, but my brothers were not sent to their rooms. hmmZ
Later I am usually asked my opinions on things by family members and I don’t know what to say because I didn’t get to hear the entire conversation in the first place, I only hear tidbit leftovers. Kya kareiN? Are your parents like this as well? Why are they like this? Would you do the same to your kids?
Yeps, my parents tell me the same thing. n if once or twice i have gone to the kitchen to get something to eat cuz i wuz starving to death my mum flips out so now i dare not go outside when some guy is there to talk to abbu cuz i really don’t wana witness my ammi’s wrath
lol i hate it though cuz it’s like im trapped inside my room for hours if the guy doesn’t leave or if like i really have to do sumthing or need something i can’t even do that. I my self don’t go out when someone’s over cuz i don’t feel comfortable obviously n feel awkward but ur not the only one i guess, desi parents r like that
I guess it’s not really about staring but about how our culture is. In pakistan too it was like if i was waiting outside by our door for my uncle to come out, i would get yelled at n b like y r u standing by the door bla bla bla. or if someone came over i’d have to hide somewhere, i guess they juz do that with young girls or girls in general cuz men don’t want them to be out when a guy is there or something, i dono it’s a desi thing though.
there was a time, but I think with time my parents grew out of that phase I guess, or they have accepted the culture and ppl, although there are still few restrictions. But this is not one of them, as they know that we do go out on everyday basis and we know how to handle ppl and that we should know how to manage a household and how we are suppose to make sure everything is perfect, and to make sure that they are doing a good job, one of us have to keep an eye on that, although its not necessary, but neways.
I'm not told to go to my room but I stay there anyway, I don't even know why. There was only one time not long ago, there were going to be men over working all day, my dad sent me to my uncles house and told me to stay there until they were finished.
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*Originally posted by lussi: *
haha munni, so first someone gives u a rose and now u got construction workers oogling at ya...r u trying to drop subtle hints that ur a looker? :p
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Thats the thing lussi. Everyone pretty much tells me I am ** not ** a looker due to my weight , so why would my parents think someone wants to stare at me? I didnt say the worker was oogling me, he didnt see me, my mom said he will stare and I dont understand why my mom said that. My guess is because I am a girl, regardless of what I look like. I am wondering if others experience this as well, and why they think their parents do that to them. Gender, custom, culture, religion, or what?
Thats the thing lussi. Everyone pretty much tells me I am ** not ** a looker due to my weight , so why would my parents think someone wants to stare at me? I didnt say the worker was oogling me, he didnt see me, my mom said he will stare and I dont understand why my mom said that. My guess is because I am a girl, regardless of what I look like. I am wondering if others experience this as well, and why they think their parents do that to them. Gender, custom, culture, religion, or what?
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because of their crazy head ideas or I should say over-protectiveness. It comes with the culture and religion, as this is their job to protect you and in their eyes any men who is not related to u will have an evil eye toward you. However, its beyond my understanding, cuz if we are living in this world, we are part of the society and now that men/women are working side by side, then why this diff. And mostly this diff keep us (mostly asian women) away from success, just because of these restrictions we don't go too far.
munni, tell your mommy you are grown up now and can take care of yourself. unless you tell her she wouldnt know. posting here wont help much other than get you sympathies from others in similar situations. its up to you. good luck.
because of their crazy head ideas or I should say over-protectiveness. It comes with the culture and religion, as this is their job to protect you and in their eyes any men who is not related to u will have an evil eye toward you. However, its beyond my understanding, cuz if we are living in this world, we are part of the society and now that men/women are working side by side, then why this diff. And mostly this diff keep us (mostly asian women) away from success, just because of these restrictions we don't go too far.
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I just think its so weird that I am allowed to go to college, work, etc, but I cant go in my kitchen when someone is giving a quote for remodeling it. I really want to ask Ammi but I think she will get very upset at my question.
queer, I dont want sympathy from guppies, that is almost a given. I want to know if others can empathize with me, if they have been through the same thing and I want to know why they think this happens.
I do not get it :-s Why do parents tell their daughters to go to their room when some men are at home? I would like to ask these question to those parents:
Did your daughter not go to a school/middle school/high school?
Did your daughter not go to a college/university?
Has your daughter never been to a mall or a shopping center?
Has no 'na-mehram' ever seen your daughter?
and etc. etc. etc.
I am sure all the girls have done the things listed above. I can understand if no girls has ever done any one of the items in the list above, then yes parents may try to tell them to go to their room because they don't want any 'na-mehram' to see them. But if people look at you when you go out for shopping, in school, or college etc., then why do you tell girls to go to their rooms. It's not like (some exceptions) they go to the kitchen or the room on purpose so that the men can notice their beauty :-s
I am not trying to pick on anyone neither do I intend to offend any lady by any mean but this is what I think: In most case, the more you try to control someone from doing something, chances are that the person will turn around and do it on purpose.
One out of many many examples: I had a friend in high school. She belonged to a Syed family. As most of us know that Syeds are very religious people, and her father really is. I see him in the mosque every friday and on other prayers too sometimes. Mom and dad also tell that girl to go to her room when men come to their home, or they just don't want her to go out to movies and all that, but guess what she does? She lies to them everyday, she has had 4+ boyfriends, Pakistani as well as Americans, she goes out to clubs, she drinks, she is not a virgin (She has told me this), and what not. And where do her parents think she is: Poor baby is studying in the library.
my parents and brothers always made me to go to my room when i was younger, but not anymore.
especially since a lot of my brothers friends are my friends too, or at least i know them enough to have a conversation with them.
so they don't tell me to go to my room anymore...not that i live with them.
Honestly ever since I started working I'm less reticent now about this. Because when I come to the office there's all sorts of guys and I have to walk past them, I've become less of a bheegi billi than what I used to be. Sometimes I revert to my old self but I think I'm more relaxed in this matter now. Alhamdulillah.
I used to feel so awkward even coming in front of them before, we had a male cook and I never even wanted to go into the kitchen but now if there are laborers in my house I try to avoid them but like if they are working in the kitchen and I need to get something, I just put my dupatta on my head and go and do what I need to, not looking at them or talking to them but still getting my work done without feeling weird.
The custom followed in my house is, which btw my parents or brothers never dictated, they just let me define my own limits...if there are ghayr mard whom I don't know around, like maybe my father's colleague, I usually avoid them and if I have to pass for some necessity I just put dupatta on my head and pass and if they are someone like my father's colleague then I say salam.
I reckon to make our lives easier we should be a bit relaxed about these things. I've spent most of my life being obsessed about these issues and I think it wasn't healthy....
this particular behviour from parents is not because they want to lay restrictions, but because they are better aware of what is going on inside the heads of the handymen that come to work at your house. Most of these people are frustrated maniacs who have no better past time to stare at girls. Even when i was ten i used to be disgusted of how an electrician used to give me looks. After that my parents never had to tell me to go to my room. i do so myself.
Whatsmore disgusting is the fact that these sick and perverted people talk about you and reduce you to dirty jokes when sitting among friends, and then they blame it all on girls 'kitni besharam hai, blah blah' and pretend that the girls come infront of them on purpose.
We dont realize till late but most of the things parents ask us to do or not to do is for our own good. there was a time when i used to think why should i chicken out because of what those sick people think about me but now ive realized that my respect is in my own hands, if i can avoid something then why not.
Thats the thing lussi. Everyone pretty much tells me I am ** not ** a looker due to my weight , so why would my parents think someone wants to stare at me? I didnt say the worker was oogling me, he didnt see me, my mom said he will stare and I dont understand why my mom said that. My guess is because I am a girl, regardless of what I look like. I am wondering if others experience this as well, and why they
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Men's eyes will gravitate towards the youngest woman in the room who is not a kid. Weight has little to do with it, particularly if the next eldest woman is, say, old enough to be able to have grandchildren.
That was a generalisation, probably applies to most guys, but yes, there are some exceptions. The tricky thing is, there is no easy way to tell the difference. I’ve seen paanch waqt namazi guys oggling at girls, and I’ve seen guys who virtually never pray actively avoid checking out girls in that way.
Most of the time I prefer being in my room, lekin yesterday I really really wanted to know what was going to be done to the kitchen. Itna excitement tha.
Maddy, are you serious?! See I just dont get that. One of my male friends told me that guys will look at anything in a skirt, no matter if the girl is very fat, not so attractive, whatever, men will look. But I didnt believe him.
Shikra, I was thinking along the same lines, it just doesnt make much sense, but I guess in some ways the parents do that because these guys are at your house for extended periods of time, unlike when you go out, you run into people for a minute or less. I dont know. confused
so now i dare not go outside when some guy is there to talk to abbu cuz i really don’t wana witness my ammi’s wrath
there was a time, but I think with time my parents grew out of that phase I guess, or they have accepted the culture and ppl, although there are still few restrictions. But this is not one of them, as they know that we do go out on everyday basis and we know how to handle ppl and that we should know how to manage a household and how we are suppose to make sure everything is perfect, and to make sure that they are doing a good job, one of us have to keep an eye on that, although its not necessary, but neways.
