I just finished reading the thread below and have a question. These parents who are so protective of their girls, what do they do if they live in America? It really isnt possible to be as protective over here. The houses are smaller, no bath in each bedroom and just in general, society is mixed. So what do they do, how do they adapt?
Re: "Go to your Room" in America?
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*Originally posted by Mamaof3: *
I just finished reading the thread below and have a question. These parents who are so protective of their girls, what do they do if they live in America? It really isnt possible to be as protective over here. The houses are smaller, no bath in each bedroom and just in general, society is mixed. So what do they do, how do they adapt?
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A lot of those girls, such as Munni, DO live in America :)
Wow, I didnt realize that! So what happens when
-the girls have males in their classes at school
-have a male teacher
-get invitations to classmate parties which have both girls & boys
etc etc I mean its one thing to forbid dating but keeping the sexes separate really isnt possible here. Are they ok with that?
If you’re from a Khandani Gharana then even living in the west you still hold onto your values but if you’re from a Merasi-Kanjar Gharana then you didn’t have any Izzat or Ghayrat to begin with so it doesn’t matter how you live.
We live in the west houses are smaller but we have separate rooms for the ladies and the gents, at the front of the house is the room which is used only for male guests and the living room which we use at the back is for the female guests.
At weddings we have separate restaurant rooms for both genders, our girls go to female only Islamic schools, they wear proper Hijaab when leaving the house, don't have male friends etc.
The 'go to your room' scenario doesn’t arise amongst our people coz the male guests don’t sit with the females.
I sometimes wonder how some Pakistan people feel comfortable being so free.
The only time we have problems is when our Punjabi/Sindhi/Mahajir family friends have weddings and other parties our women don’t go because they are never segregated.
Or if there is a death in their families it’s a bit hard trying to find the right time to go for comforting and stuff.
That’s why I feel comfortable being mates with people of a similar background because we understand each other’s values and sensitivities.
It’s another reason why I’m against interethnic marriages.
Mamaof3, this thread might end up merged with mine, or maybe not. grin
Yes, I was raised in America, as maddy said. I dont know what to tell you except that if you compare me to the average American I have lived a pretty sheltered life. I was not really allowed to go to peoples parties or events or other social gatherings. When people come over I am told to go my room, or if other families come over, I am told to stay out of the room where the men are. When I go out I am not to wear makeup except maybe surma. I cannot wear clothes that would attract any undue attention, etc. My family is religiously/culturally not that conservative in certain ways, but in other ways they are, so its been confusing at times. Most of the time I am fine with it, but sometimes I have questioned things, and even rebelled at a younger age, but not anymore. Overall, I am glad my parents raised me the way they did. Mash'Allah. smile
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Originally posted by Ashti: *
If you?re from a Khandani Gharana then even living in the west you still hold onto your values but if you?re from a **Merasi-Kanjar Gharana* then you didn?t have any Izzat or Ghayrat to begin with so it doesn?t matter how you live.
We live in the west houses are smaller but we have separate rooms for the ladies and the gents, at the front of the house is the room which is used only for male guests and the living room which we use at the back is for the female guests.
At weddings we have separate restaurant rooms for both genders, our girls go to female only Islamic schools, they wear proper Hijaab when leaving the house, don't have male friends etc.
The 'go to your room' scenario doesn?t arise amongst our people coz the male guests don?t sit with the females.
I sometimes wonder how some Pakistan people feel comfortable being so free.
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excuse me if we mingle with guys that doesn't mean our families don't hold any respect, what do u mean by kanjar gharana, I think u should change ur wording mister. Since we are stepping in a new centurey, u should wake up and smell the sea weeds. If we are studying in co-education that doesn't mean we have no values, we are growing in this society where men and women work together. I think every parent and every family have diff style of living/teaching, if your family is that way, then its proly best for you guys. However, it doesn't mean that you should give this kinda name to other respected families. I don't see anything wrong with sharing the world, women shouldn't be left behind in anything or seperated form men, cuz it does lead to other kinds of problem, which are growing on everyday basis specially in those families where they keep men and women seperate.
Ashti, the Khandani gharaana lecture sounds rich coming from you who takes awful lot interest in menstrual cycles and first night dilemmas and you are just 15 years old.
Now my khandani dude, go read khandani playboy.
I had a feeling that there would be a little dissention with this topic, some of the guys will always get a bit insulting when they talk about integration of the sexes. It isnt all THAT awful!! I'm a "gorah", born and raised here, european descent, married to a Pakistani man. Anyway, growing up in an integrated society, I really never had a bad experience being ogled or disrespected. I do dress "modestly" - in western clothes and my view is when in Rome, do as the Romans do (to a point of course). Ie., I wouldnt go out in Shalwar Kameez with my head covered in America because that WOULD attract attention and stares but dressing in modest western clothing does not. I have no problem covering up when in Pak. Thats what I meant about the rome stmt. But I do think its kind of important to fit in a bit with the society you live in. Integration of the sexes isnt a such a big deal unless you MAKE it a big deal. Just like over here, men can go out and have one or 2 beers and then go home. In Pak, alcohol being such a forbidden thing, the men without fail drink till they drop. Its just a matter of where you live and "doing as the Romans do" I think.
Who are YOU to decide what other other families are? If some people don’t have belts in the girls’ necks like some people, that doesn’t mean they are “bey-ghairat”. And you call yourself khandani? Right 
You are saying our girls? Do you own them? Are they your belongings? Have you bought them? Clarify.
Now come talk about segregation. Sharam insaan ki nazaron mein hoti hai. Read my reply in Munni’s Thread. I am not saying anything about “your” girls but there ARE girls who wear hijab just to shut their parents up and the moment they step out of the house, they take it off, change their clothes, and go have fun with their boyfriends, that’s right, boyfriends.
Now lets discuss the segregation part and how much so-called “khandani” you are! If you were so khandani and respective towards women, you wouldn’t go ONLINE and open threads about the first night of the wedding. Tarsey huey logo, that’s the result of the segregation that you can’t control your feelings/questions and then the only option you have is to go online like a pervert and make fun of women. Yeah, that’s soooo khandani
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*Originally posted by a_bad_hair_cut: *
Ashti, the Khandani gharaana lecture sounds rich coming from you who takes awful lot interest in menstrual cycles and first night dilemmas and you are just 15 years old.
Now my khandani dude, go read khandani playboy.
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I think this is the first time I really feel good to read ur reply :)
shikra well said, I have seen those girls, they used to be around me till I was in Gr.9. However, I don't wear scarf and I don't respect those women either. Cuz we all are well aware of what they do or don't; however, I don't want to judge anyone and I keep away specially from those ladies who wear scarf and try to show themselves pious, while talkin about unethical topics. I am sorry to those ladies who wear scarf here, but this is just me, I have been through very rough experiences with those head covered women and I wont be able to change my opinion.
A bad haircut and Shikra well said both of you. I would also like to add that their ghairat apparently only has to do with how well they can keep their girls under a leash. The boys are free to screw around and even ogle at everyone who is not their sister. That is what leads them to ask other girls questions like...what's the youngest age you would date...seeing what the odds of their getting laid are.
The men who screw around with other women are on the forefront of this 'our girls do not screw around' brigade. But little do they know how the genes distribute evenly in the whole khaandaan.
Oye hoye hoye, mein ne kis ki dukhti huwi rag pe paoun rakh diya? 
I’m not bound by the political correctness some people are, if I feel a certain way about something I’ll say it out straight without fear of what people might think or feel. I have these values and rules because I firmly believe that breaking them is bay-izzat and bay-ghayrat and hence I automatically think that those who don’t live by them are bay-ghayrat and bay-izzat if I didn’t believe that, I’d be contradicting myself like most other politically correct geeks on here.
pagaldeewani, it’s this ‘new century’ attitude amongst your people that I’m talking about I feel my values are timeless and I do not agree with you that women should do everything a man does, that’s ridiculous, some things are meant for one gender some for the other, women are not capable of doing some things men do and the other way round, of course I agree that when its necessary they have to sometimes, but to stubbornly be bent upon being just like the opposite gender is stupid, next they’ll be wanting to have their breasts reduced and have fake bits plastic surgeried on, all the feminists can come shoot me now.
a_bad_hair_cut, the talk of menstrual cycles and the wedding night was purely for educational reasons, I didn’t get of it or anything.
Mamaof3, I wholeheartedly disagree with “when in Rome do as the Romans do”, I’m British born and Bred, my nationality is British, my ethnic origin is Pakistan, maybe I can substitute Pakistani culture for English culture i.e. eat English foods, speak English, wear English clothes and in Pakistan do the opposite i.e. wear Shalwar-Kameez and so on but my values are going to stay the same wherever as they are derived from my religion which I believe is not bound by time or place.
Shikra by ‘our girls’ I meant girls in our community in our English town, which originate from Chach and NWFP.
Yes there are girls who wear Hijaab and do a lot of bad things but again we are all aware of the ethnic backgrounds of these pseudo-religious girls, dad is a panj namaazi and daughter goes out with slits cut in her top. Their parents don’t know how to control them, too much Azaadi, their young girls go to the mall without male supervision, if she’s Hijaab wearing she can go any place she wishes and her parents wont suspect anything, mixed parties and stuff, there’s town nearby and there’s a few girls there tight pant shirt and Hijaab type and this one I know is seeing a 40 year old man, every school lunch time they meet at McDonalds and then drive of somewhere. I’ve seen it amongst nearly all these sort of pseudo-religious girls because their parents don’t take the proper precautions or maybe they don’t care. Mixed Mehndi’s, weddings, schools, parties etc.
In these sort of families the moms are like “bachi hai jaaney dein” and the husband who is usually a Ran-Mureed obliges like a pet dog, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, these men have no authority in the house, they are so unmasculine all in the name of being a gentleman and a ladies man I just think it’s being a Buddhu, you’ve got to take control.
Like I’ve already mentioned the wedding night thread was purely for educational purposes.
I’m not Tarsa Huwa, yes at my age any guys hormones are running allover like crazy at times but I know how to control mine and why would I be Tarsa Huwa? There’s enough brown arse pant shirt wearing, Urdu speaking girls at my school who lust after me, I’m a natural born heartthrob without the need to wear shiny polished shoes, fair & lovely, geeky suits and trying to act all modern in everything I say and do.
I’m not saying all are like that there’s going to be decent people, I’m just talking from my experiences with the majority of this segment of Pakistani society, you’ll have people who don’t fit the stereotype of their ethnicities on both sides, but a people are judged by the majority and that’s what I’m doing.
If anyone is hurt I’m sorry, I always say out my thoughts.
And yet you are the one who followed with THREE consecutive posts.
Aap waqaee lajawaab hain.
well for one I'm bored since I didn't go school today second it's rude not to reply to ppls posts.
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*Originally posted by Ashti: *
I?m not bound by the political correctness some people are, if I feel a certain way about something I?ll say it out straight without fear of what people might think or feel. I have these values and rules because I firmly believe that breaking them is bay-izzat and bay-ghayrat and hence I naturally think that those who don?t live by them are bay-ghayrat and bay-izzat if I didn?t believe that, I?d be contradicting myself like most other politically correct geeks on here.
pagaldeewani, it?s this ?new century? attitude amongst your people that I?m talking about I feel my values are timeless and I do not agree with you that women should do everything a man does, that?s ridiculous, some things are meant for one gender some for the other, women are not capable of doing some things men do and the other way round, of course I agree that when its necessary they have to sometimes, but to stubbornly be bent upon being just like the opposite gender is stupid, next they?ll be wanting to have their breasts reduced and have fake bits plastic surgeried on, all the feminists can come shoot me now.
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hmmmmmm, I think u need spanking kiddo. And you need space to grow that tiny brain of urs. I think even Mohammed (PBUH) said education is important for male/female, and you should travel to china if you have to (pardon me if I am translating it wrong, but thats what it meant by that). Anyways, I would wanna ask u a question, lets just say a woman who never left her house and she has noone (relatives) around and she has lil kids and her husband die all of a sudden. Now that she has to step out, she has no clue wht the outter world is like, since she never got educated and she is not aware of the new techonlogies she has no way to u/s or communicate with educated ppl, that means no job for her, but has to make money to feed her kids, so the last place she will end up will be whore house? Now, do u think thats fair for the ladies? And when they do end up there, ur kind of 'men' give them dirty titles. And let me tell you something else, those girls/boys who are kept away from each other, begin liking their own gender, therefore convert into lesbian/gayness.
Ashti, don't think ur ppl are only pious and litrate, cuz I am sure if we go in deep we will find a lot of faults in ur khandan too. However, I don't like pointing my fingers at other ppl, but u should leash ur narrow mindedness. Cuz, if it gets out of hand, it will not only make ur life living hell but also ur kids will hate you and proly ur wife will leave u. I think you should grow up and look around.
If you knew how to respect ppl, u'dn't have had said Merasi-Kanjar Gharana to other families. You have no clue what respect is kid, if u think respecting ur own family is everything then God help you.
As for calling ppl baigharat, I would repeat shikra's word shame is hidden in ur eyes and in ur heart, if you are outspoken or outgoing person, that doesn't mean you have no ethics or shame.