I have come across a few people in my life and somehow I may slightly be one also where we want to be martyrs in our relationships and give our loved ones control over our emotions, they can make us feel angry, happy, sad, excited etc. My wife’s brother in law is one of those people and completely sacrificed his life taking care of his sick wife. So here is an article of how not to give your power away.
1. Being a martyr
The martyr is the one who sees themselves as the saviour, the only one who steps in when no one else seems to care, sacrificing themselves for someone in need.
Some of you might think it’s not only good but admirable to give up your own life for the sake of another…it’s not. You aren’t going to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and you definitely aren’t going to help someone by weakening yourself. It doesn’t mean you walk away from someone who’s in distress and needs help, but at some point enough is enough.
I find that people who do this put themselves in a situation that mirrors a past conflict or personal pain. The belief behind it being this time they can make it right and it will exonerate them from their own pain, like a karmic debt however it never works out that way. Worry about your*self *and let others walk their chosen path…. sometimes people need to come to things on their own time, in their own way and it’s important to discern when not to interfere.
Please let me know if you give people power over your feelings and if not what do you do to be master of your own emotions.
**2. Feeling guilty
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Guilt is one of the most draining, disempowering emotion there is, it has its purposes but most often it’s used a tool of manipulation. If someone is trying to make you feel guilty about something you enjoy, don’t listen to them! They have no right to tell you how to live your life, everyone has their own idea about what they consider good or bad but it comes down to what’s right for you. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or another person and it makes you happy then have at it, let others mind their own business.
How I handle these people is to smile and nod and say “thank you I will take that into consideration” and change the subject. The exception to this is if several people are confronting you about a situation, perhaps you should listen.
We all know how guilt trips work, this tool has been employed on us since we could walk. I promised myself that I wont be that parent but damnnn!!! it is a powerful tool and I did apply it only on a couple of occasions.
I quoted that from the article that was linked in OP. These are universally accepted assumptions here. I know we are a reactionary and impulsive people so it would take a bit of effort to sink in. I have seen people guilt tripped in so far as destroying their lives. I had to cut ties with the Pakistani mortgage broker girl whose mother would keep bugging her on the phone while she was working at my show home and she was
always involved in family drama.
I got used, abused and manipulated all my life. I am more talking about other people controlling your emotions. If they can make you feel angry, sad, anxious then you gave the power to them. You should maintain your power and control over how you feel. I see parents from the east manipulating and controlling their kids all the time. I see with customer service reps here no matter how rude and abusive one gets they keep their cool and continue on.
