when a couple (or anyone i guess) fights, usually they are advised that the first thing they need to do is to give the other space to cool down…no doubt this is good advice and it works…but sometimes, im not sure…
Okay a personal example:
I had a pretty nasty fight with the dude…i SO felt like leaving him there and going back home (we were out) but i stayed there, as much as i hated it and went through with the day’s plans.
well after me being in his face the whole time, by the end of the day we were okay. i wonder…if I had really gone home early in the day and we had not seen each other all day, how things would have turned out…
Sara if you would have left i don't think that would be considered giving him space ... it would be more likeu leaving him and the plans that you had just because of a stupid argument ... to be very honest i don't believe in too much space rather just talk to each other properly and resolving the argument but i think sometimes u need some time to cool down
I think it's one thing to back off from a fight when things get really heated, and another to walk out when he is talking or in the process of explaining his side/views. I think walking out at the latter is rude - you'd just be asking for trouble.
I dun give him space, I just give him blanket n pillow to sleep in the living room!
Honestly,IMO silent treatment/giving space does nothing good except extending the period of a fight for longer than it would have if you were still together n talking on need only basis.. usually someone says or does something that makes you realize we are family and we are fighting over something stupid but if you just go away and don't see each other, it keeps building the anger and interferes with your daily life!
Space doesn't mean walking out the door. Space (to me) means that take some time to cool down. Sometimes words isaid in anger are really hurtful.
yeah. :(
I dun give him space, I just give him blanket n pillow to sleep in the living room!
Honestly,IMO silent treatment/giving space does nothing good except extending the period of a fight for longer than it would have if you were still together n talking on need only basis.. usually someone says or does something that makes you realize we are family and we are fighting over something stupid but if you just go away and don't see each other, it keeps building the anger and interferes with your daily life!
okay so in some cases space is necessary...
this is a typical fight (which is getting less and less thank GOD) that we used to have.
-he comes home in a bad mood
me: "whats wrong?"
him: "nothing's wrong"
me: "whats bothering you?"
him: "nothings bothering me."
repeat this about 3 times.
me: wats wrong?
him: YOU'RE WHATS WRONG
me: no, there has to be something else, tell me whats bothering you?
him: YOU'RE bothering me!
I dun give him space, I just give him blanket n pillow to sleep in the living room!
lol! that's what I do as well.
But honestly, I am not a big fan of giving space, I just think it prolongs the fight/argument unnecessarily and that just drags on!
I believe in communicating once we both have calmed down. Unfortunately, I expect it to happen as soon as we stop arguing! :-\
this is a typical fight (which is getting less and less thank GOD) that we used to have.
-he comes home in a bad mood
me: "whats wrong?"
him: "nothing's wrong"
me: "whats bothering you?"
him: "nothings bothering me."
repeat this about 3 times.
me: wats wrong?
him: YOU'RE WHATS WRONG
me: no, there has to be something else, tell me whats bothering you?
him: YOU'RE bothering me!
I am gonna take his side here.. don't keep asking about what's wron or what's bothering you.. work place is not a comfort zone for everyone.. just a month ago, we had such crazy days at work that by the time I got home, I didn;t even talk to anyone..most of the time, I just turned out the computer and pretending like no one lives here.. sometimes, I ended up crying and whining while husband just sat there, listened and ended the conversation saying "Allah malik hai" mostly guys dun cry about work problems, so dun say anything as sooon as he gets home.. in fact you should wait until he starts telling you something..easier said than done but trust me it works!
I don’t get the sleeping in a different room or on the floor thingy.
We have had our share of fights but we always sleep in the same bed. Maybe because our bed is really comfy
Whenever I am inlclined to walk away - I always think that this doesn’t solve anything. When I come back the problem is still going to be where I left off.
