How does one strike a balance between giving someone they care about their space yet showing care. A friend of mine is going through some hard times and I just repeatedly asked if they are ok. But the reaction was pretty bad and I got to hear that I need to learn to give people their space…:(..What to do?..
Re: Giving people their space
I also have been through the same thing and what I got to hear was not give space but something which hurt me real bad. I mean I understand everything but I just want you to know I care about you. I treat you with respect. Kher.
Re: Giving people their space
^umm yah..it doesnt click to me..this whole space issue. Ive lived in a small, tight family where we just care ab each other, sometimes even rant to each other and just be open with each other. So, my mind kinda equates being open and sharing things as 'caring' but I guess it doesnt work with everyone.
Re: Giving people their space
Sometimes people misinterpret your gesture as being possessive. In that case I think they might say give me space. It hurts because you are not being possessive or you did not have an intention of doing that, you were just caring about them and trying to be a good friend. I have the same issues, I also believe in being open and sharing things or thoughts or talking, but it doesn't work like that.
Re: Giving people their space
ask what the problem is like twice and if they go like no it's nothing or am fine or.....then take it as sign that they want to be alone...
i personally woldnt like someone to keep on asking me again and again(like more than 5/6 times) what the problem is and all
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^I dont know - i never really asked what the problem is more than once or twice. I just wanted to know if this person is ok and if everything is ok. I am usually not interested in knowing about people's situations and interfering...I just like to know that people are happy and doing well..really simple stuff.
Re: Giving people their space
What if it is your best friend who does this to you? You ask them what's going on and they keep saying that. You are emotionally attached to them, it hurts that they are pushing you away like that. Best friends are supposed to share things! That also when you are so tight like sisters.
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^yah it really hurts. I always thought "friendship is sharing" - lol, since grade 2.
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HAHAH omg same here! Maybe that’s why I keep getting hurt lol. I am too nice in that retrospect. :hinna:
Re: Giving people their space
omgg i know how you feeel.
and the reverse tooo
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lol, I feel really immature at times but it's just my belief. I am not able to see a friend in any other light - to me this is what friendship is - those who dont share and are not open are aquaintances.
Re: Giving people their space
the problem with space is that there's so much of it.
Re: Giving people their space
Why do you feel immature? This is what a friend is supposed to be. Someone who you can share things with, be open with, someone you can care about, and vice versa. Otherwise like you said they are just an acquaintance.
This reminds me, it hurts when a best friend or a friend you have known long becomes an acquaintance because of this GIVE ME SPACE thing.
Re: Giving people their space
I feel immature because people expect mature people to be all understanding, rational, sensible..blah blah blah..
the problem with space is that there's so much of it.
hahah lol!
agreed.
I feel immature because people expect mature people to be all understanding, rational, sensible..blah blah blah..
Wow it is like you know my situation and you speak my mind LOL.
I know sometimes in this regard, I also feel immature. People do expect you to be understanding and all that. You try to be, but like I said it hurts. However, good thing would be to understand and smile from the outside and hide everything inside.
Re: Giving people their space
Okay I'm a big proponent of giving space and all because sometimes when you're in trouble- it helps to just be by yourself instead of talking it out with everyone, possibly because it hurts to admit what you're going thru and talking it out makes it real. Don't know if you're following but this is how I have felt at times.
Anyways, if a friend is in such a situation- I would ask simply, "hey, are you okay?" If they deny, just say something cheesy like you know I'm here for you and all, then just leave it at that. Make sure you're available. If they wanna talk, they'll talk to you themselves but don't push it. Another thing- when they do start talking, don't give them advice unless they ask for it. Most of the time friends tell each other problems just because they wanna share.
Good luck, hope your friend feels better!
Re: Giving people their space
^thanks for that. Yes it makes sense. Actually, I kind of did change myself to 'act' that way for a bit until someone told me I am 'insensitive'..:S...now when I care, its being equated to interferring...I am just not getting it..a balance..
How does one strike a balance between giving someone they care about their space yet showing care. A friend of mine is going through some hard times and I just repeatedly asked if they are ok. But the reaction was pretty bad and I got to hear that I need to learn to give people their space...:(..What to do?...
What do do? Give the friend space and respect his/her wishes for privacy. "Repeatedly asking"???? That's your problem right there. People can get annoyed if you keep something up.
Everyone handles their problems differently. For you, talking to people about issues might bring some comfort and relief. Others...prefer to handle things on their own and keep their issues more private. No matter which way you go about it....the important thing is for the person to find relief. And if your constant pestering them is adding to their stress as opposed to providing relief....then back off.
You can let the person know that you are worried about them and that you're there for them if they need to talk. And then you just leave em alone and go about your life. If they need to talk....about their problems....or anything at all...they'll approach you. But frequent asking/pestering can even come across as nosiness. Too much of anything....even a good things such as concern...can backfire. Give him/her space. The answer to your question is simple and I think you already know it.
You create balance by fulfilling the formality of asking if the person is okay and if they need help....and if they tell you they want to be left alone....you let them know that they can reach you if needed...and then you give space. The balance includes both the polite formality and respect for the individual's wishes. When the individual's wishes are not respected....that's when the balance is off.
^thanks for that. Yes it makes sense. Actually, I kind of did change myself to 'act' that way for a bit until someone told me I am 'insensitive'..:S...now when I care, its being equated to interferring...I am just not getting it..a balance..
Yeah about that, KNOW your friends. I know that one of my friends is introverted type and kinda gets upset if we intrude too much, so I try not to ask more than once in her case. Then there are others who I know would like to talk about it if they're in trouble, it just takes time to come out of the shell.