people here are just giving u advices based on wht u wrote. either explain ur situation better or take these advices that people are giving and improve ur relationship. based on wht u wrote initially, you are the one being a baby. sorry but this is true
take my advice i gave someone else. you are a girl, you reverse roles to understand better.
Re: Give me an insight
Lothario your story is exactly how it is when a girl who gets married and goes to somebody else's home. I hope this way you can be more empathatic to how it is with the girls.Please make sure that you keep your eyes to the long term future GOAL, and just take all of these things as difficulties that will only make you guys stronger.:)
Re: Give me an insight
ok. first i go and see in the kitchen why the bhanday are kharking. phir roti kha ke aata hoon. jab aik bajay utay gi ko teen bajay khana banay ga na. my mother told he last week ke ye kon si aadat hai ke aik bajay tak so.
Re: Give me an insight
Fact is tht u are homesick and u want to go bak to ur mummy in pak! I dnt think u'll eva adjust in any foreign country, unless U urself make an effort, all these small issues ur bringing up are excuses to say thingz are really wrong between u and ur wife, wen nuthing majorly is wrong tht can't be fixed, u just want to go bak to ur old life in lahore! Mayb u shuda got married to a gal from there, n u had been to america few times before, so u must hav known and realised whether u wud b able to live here or not....
Life isnt fair, u can't alwayz get wat u want, ur new life is in america get used to it!
Re: Give me an insight
Nahi nahi, i do work sometimes. lekin we both know it is not the end of the world and not required. this has never been an issue for us to fight. but it was brought up by her in some fights but not the reason of the fight. she does not work, well may be a few days of consultancy work in a few months and I have never in my full life have asked her to work, never.
^that's the problem..you don't listen to her. if your fight starts off about something else and in that fight if she brings work in a fight then it is obviously an issue for her, maybe she doesn't communicate effectively either but if you listen to her then you wouldn't be in this situation. You say money isn't an issue which is fantastic and one of the biggest reasons people argue is over money. I think the issue might be that she wants you to work so that you are able to integrate into society better, understand the way the system works where you live and more importantly your working to provide for the house would make her respect you more. right now she does consultancy work and earns money..but she may be thinking of the future..what will happen if suddenly you lose your money and you haven't built up experiance to get a good job that could support you and your future children? how are you going to survive? is she going to be the sole earner, the cook, cleaner and mother? maybe she doesn't want you to cook and stay at home because she wants you to earn. she wants you to be happy in america.
You say that you've only been married a short while and your already wanting to go home...what does that say to her! that you don't want to live their..are you going to want to go back to pakistan everytime things get too difficult. as i said before you need to sit down and talk properly and if it begins to turn into an argument take a step back and calm yourself down..if you don't get angry eventually she'll have to calm down and talk about it all. an you are only thinking of this from your point of view..you need to, as i said before understand her and build trust and respect.
i think she has psychological problem...
In my opinion there are ONLY two options: - move back to Lahore and live off as you used to - realize that this is america and life here is a struggle. Your wife went through it and now you are going through it. .
that's right , pick any one of these 2 options .............. as u're trying to blend these 2 in a terrible way i.e; trying to live exactly the way u used to live in lahore, in u.s without adapting anything from there(u.s) which has become frustrating for u & is effecting yr married life
Re: Give me an insight
Folks, hold on to your horses here. Don't get too excited. This is a troll alert! :)
Re: Give me an insight
You should be glad women are giving you advice and point of view from a woman's side. Thats what you need, to understand what your wife does and why she does it. Your wife is right, you are not a shehzada. Perhaps your wife was the princess for her parents, does she complain and whine about not being the princess in your eyes?
Like others have said, you are 28 not 2. Grow up since the way you explain things here, you are clearly immature and uncapable of handling a mature relationship. Sorry but this is my honest opinion. It has nothing to do with the fact that i am a girl. My husband also came from Pakistan (way before we got married so he had time to adjust) and he had similiar problems you have. And he says he called his parents to tell them how they had spoiled him so much since there was no one here to do his laundary and wait at his beck and call to do things for him.
Also if you want your wife to be there for you emotionally, take the initiative and be there for her. Make an arragement that you guys will never go to bed without solving a problem. Even if she doesnt like talking to you, request her to make small talk and tell you what her problems are. And when she does that, try not to take offense. Try to make amends as much as you can. When she sees you are making an effort to please her, she will probably get better with her attitude too.
Re: Give me an insight
abhi nahi bana. bhai wake up early with me, if you dont go to the kitchen then spend sometime with me, mai 6 bajay se khuar, kabhi tv kabhi internet te akhbar. kabhi chatting with my friend in Pakistan.
as far as telling my parents everything is concerned, i have never hidden anything from my parents. I have always shared every single thing with them.
my mother has a right to know every single thing that hapens in our relationship.
Thats EXACTLY where YOU are going wrong buddy. I couldnt read more of this thread after this post of yours. One question: How old are you?? Really it seems you were Never ready for a full blown mature relationship. You seem to discuss everything with your parents even though you shouldn't. You need to stop sucking on your and you family's thumb and grow some manly balls to deal with the practical life - either its marriage related or work.
sheeeeshhh I can't believe your sis went on telling on you wife the day you were getting married.
Re: Give me an insight
i've started to have this feeling that this all is just a joke...and the poster is just having fun....sorry...!!
Too late troll has already landed.
For those who do not know what is a troll visit this link.
Internet Trolls
aray meray yaar, work is not problem in life. we have enough and allh da sukar hai it grows everyday. she does not work either, she keeps herself busy in domestic activities and gets an escape from the boriat i have, she does not even understand ke mai khuwar hota hooN tv ke samnay. we dont have dish, aik adha indian chanal, no pakistani dramay.
hai lahore.
do you as this thread continues, i am growing more and more angry at u, and i dont even knw u !!!!!Just imagine wht ure wife feels living with u!!!!
U r totally missing the point here, get a job mate, it has nothing to do money, money is not the only reason to do a job, its to keep u busy to widen ure horizons e.t.c if u worked u'd have less time fight and wud have less time to pick out things to fight about, we're all up for helping to give u solutions abt ure marriage, which frankly i think u shud go see a councellor about, but u havent actually come here to get help, u want ppl to see ure perspective and feel sorry for you and agree withu
Well from wht uve told us ive had a pretty good look 4rm ure perspective , and frankly u need to get a grip, it seems ure wife is doing all the work in this marriage, and no i dnt mean her job etc,
i mean how accomadating she has been 4 u , which is fair enuff u both r married its part of marriage, but input 4rm u wud b great aside 4rm running 2 mummy and telling her everything
U keep repeating how ure mum doesnt get involved but only whn ure wife complains about u to her
clearly cos she sees u as a kid, whom only his mummy can control
And statements like ure mum has every right 2 know about everything that happens in your relationship goes to show ure immaturity
I really don't mean 2 b horrible , not my aim at all bro but u need a reality check, and u aint gonna find sum 1 who is gonna agree with u on this forum,
I hope everything works out well 4 u and ure wife Inshallah :)
A) Get a job (even if you dont need one)..just get busy! B) Make yourself look/feel important. C) Earn your respect D) Be a gentleman--you will be respected by your mother AND your wife. E) Learn to be social as a couple F) you have ALOT of issues...not just trust issues... G) Be emotionally available for your wife..she needs you too. H) The reason she runs to your mother with every complaint is because she doesnt feel like you belong to her....that is a MAJOR turnoff for any woman!!
i do work sometimes and do some activities, lekin too much farigh time, i get bored. this is not like lahore, gadi kadi te fortress.
array i am not talking about my respect, mai nahi marta respect pe, she wants respect, is she my ustani. i respect her, but when we fight we both shout, we get even. how am i not respecting her?
i am emotionally available, bhai 24 hours, aap baat to karo, when she ignores me she is not emotionally available to me.
she runs to my mother because she is a shikati tattoo, she thinks my mother will take her side. she should run to her own mother to take her ide, my mother will always take my side, she knows me very well. she even tells my wife when she makes things because she knows i am not like that.
i've started to have this feeling that this all is just a joke...and the poster is just having fun....sorry...!!
Congrats! I figured that after reading that line about him being extremely good looking.
Whining is when the complaints are baseless. I am sorry to say against that you are whining about petty things. She does not cook what I like , the bed sheets are pink , she says that her friends husband bought a nice house , a nice car. When the complaints are genuine they are communicated to the person against whom you have complaints and things are sorted out between two adults. I agree to most posters here that you have too much time at your hands. Make yourself busy and you will magically find out that your life is full of adventure and you will come out of this self pity mode. These are some ways to make yourself busy and valuable member of society register yourself with some volunteer program. Go clean your Masjid. Pray nawafil , read and ponder on Quran . Start writing a blog or a book about how stay home husbands can make them useful and lead meaningful lives when you start research on this subject you will have no time to pay attention to these petty things.
Mard ka dill dard karana chah-e-a but not for petty things and petty complaints , but for big issues , like hunger, poverty, illiteracy , diseases in the world. Rising prices of oil gas , falling property prices, stock market crash etc.:D
Yaar you amricans dont understand me, just like my wife. Even my mother has told her that i grew up in Pakistan, dont treat me like any american man. We grow up in love and we are emotional people. You Americans do not understand our feelings, thadi taleem da kasoor.
BS!! U talk utter rubbish, it has nuthing 2 do with americans pakistanis, im not amnerican, im british, and i c myself as pakistani!!! I’m glad 2 say most pakistani men i know r not zannanis like u!!! Get a grip all this emotional crap, frankly ure nt mature enough to have gotten married, it has nothing to do with a diff country, every1 adjusts and adapts, u r sitting on ure backside, money coming, wht r u struggling 4 !!! Ask all those pakistanis, born in america or outside of pakistan or pakistnis moving abroad how hard they have had to struggle 2 provide 4 their family and do well in life, so please dont talk about us nt understanding u cos u were the so called shehzada of lahore!!!
so money isn't an issue..
your issue are - that your wife doesn't spend time with you. - that she doesn't listen to your mother - that she doesn't cook your fav food - that she seems unhappy with your way to life. Compares you with others
Bhai ya tou hum bewaqoof hai ya aap bahut aqalmand ho.. lekin bhai as much as this will hurt you and as much as you don't want to hear this.. the problem is NOT her, the problem is YOU. the minute you will realize that you need to find an avenue to communicate with her, things will get better. At the age of 28 all your friends have jobs to worry about, house payments and bills to worry about. They work hard not coz they are loosers but coz they know that they are providing for their family. They dont' have time to be stressful about small things.
In my opinion there are ONLY two options:
and please do seek counseling as Faisal bhai suggested.
Ansoo you understand me better. I will be going to Lahore to spend some time with my family. I am positive we will not fight when i am in lahore. mera depression bhi dur ho ga. First thing i will do is go have a thanda thar soda and seekh kebab in model town. Kasme mera tou saans bhi poora nai aata america mai jab tak rakshay ka dhooan na ho.