Girls - Would you?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Girls - Would you?

I don't know why do we associate working in an office with freedom? Majority of women wouldn't marry a jobless guy, does that mean they're insecure or jealous?

It's all about one's preferences.

22

Re: Girls - Would you?

duh. yes
i wish i could tell you everything.

23

Re: Girls - Would you?

Yeah, people should ask themselves why should he mind if it's not affecting him?? Only a control freak or someone with other issues would say 'no' full stop imo.. (I mean if there are no kids or it's not affecting what's going on at home)..

24

Re: Girls - Would you?

Daffy, someone could give you a perfect answer, listing the the pro's of such a situation but if that's not how you feel deep down, you will not be satisfied no matter how much you force yourself to think that way.

So, what Nomi said.

You bought up this topic months ago...I don't see what good it will do for you now. It's better for you that you accept it.

Personally, I think it's a moot point. If he wants you to stay at home, it's highly likely it's because he wants to start a family soon. So let's say he was like 'sure, I have no problem with you working', the reality would be that the first few months you'd be busy settling and enjoying yourself, then you'd start looking for jobs and it's unlikely that you'd find anything soon. Before you know it, you'll be pregnant and that whole idea of getting a job will have faded away. If the end point is the same, does it matter? At least he's been upfront about his desires.

25

Re: Girls - Would you?

Telling someone what they're allowed or not allowed to do is dictating your own preferences onto someone else.. If women prefer to stay at home good for them, others who'd like to work should have that same freedom..

26

Re: Girls - Would you?

In that case, men should have the freedom of staying at home too.

27

Re: Girls - Would you?

It comes down to values .... Remember that thread about intellectual discourse ... Well .. If two people don't share the same values then the 'jorree' is fated to doom or gloom.

The rishta man is asking for her to leave the job, he says it because he has enough to support them. This is what is said oopr oopr se ... Find out if he believes whether it is a woman's place to work or not. This can be seen from his other family members too ... Do any other women work in his family? The ones that do need to work ... Do they?

How educated are the women of his household?

Is she willing to tolerate being as dependent he wants her to be ... That is the question here.

28

Re: Girls - Would you?

I think they should..

29

Re: Girls - Would you?

Also make note there is a difference Islamically speaking between a woman's money that from her husbands money. Unless he gives her money as a gift or employs her then his money she cannot spend without his permission, but otherwise her money is her own and does with it what she wants.

Will she get pocket money equivalent to the earnings? To spend how she wishes? If the money stops then can she resume working?

Don't let the situation be a deal breaker, but get a good compromised solution, let him know that you have to make a sacrifice to meet his requirements.

30

Re: Girls - Would you?

My sister works full time and her hubby looks after the kids mainly as he has his own business so his times are pretty flexible. So yes!

31

Re: Girls - Would you?

**a girl should NOT be expected to follow the man's whims. would a man give up his career if his wife wants him because she makes way more and can provide a better living for him?

it's about time women/girls stop heeding to man's unreasonable demands. girl power, folks!**

32

Re: Girls - Would you?

Yes.

33

Re: Girls - Would you?

if a husband and wife want to live together and age, one has to make more sacrifice than the other.

34

Re: Girls - Would you?

^By 'one has to' I'm assuming you mean always the woman..

Marriage should be about give + take and mutual respect..

35

Re: Girls - Would you?

For me it's about choice. I don't want to be told what to do. If we have a conversation and mutually agree that my giving up my career will benefit our family, I could do that.

BUT, (and here's an important caveat), I need to do something of my own - whether it's volunteering, or some other activity that helped me feel productive and independent, I would need my own time.

And one last point, I'd have to feel as if his income was our money. I'm not used to relying on anyone else to support me and the first time he made me feel like I was spending "his" money - I'd look to resume my career. Spending responsibly is one thing, but being made to account for every penny I spent, I couldn't do that.

36

Stoppit- it is no longer my scenario. We talked out and the reasons he provided were convincing enough plus I would've done it for him anyways, my preference is family life over career life as well. My worry was not being able to work or not, it was being told what to do and what not to do. But then that's the only thing ever he asked me for and he is flexible with almost everything so am settled and have accepted the decision happily now.

Right not the topic has been started for 2 of my other friends who are still engaged and not in nikkah. For them careers hold heavy weight importance and they are going through a rough patch with their fiancée because of it. I can't suggest them my way because the reasons my husband gave are way different from what their fiancés are giving. So was wondering what others in such a situation would do.

Also - in my circle of friends, colleagues and relatives the trend is kind of increasing .. Reasons for most seem to be the same though.

37

Re: Girls - Would you?

^didn't they discuss career thing before gettting engaged??? thats like.......one of the basics always.....

38

Apparently it was considered a default that they would since they are well educated and settled in careers - one is a doctor and the other a telecommunications engineer !

39

Re: Girls - Would you?

If it holds a lot of importance even if these girls give up their careers wouldn't they feel a lot of resentment?

There are plenty of girls who'd be happy to stay at home.. dunno why guys who prefer this can't just find a partner who is ok with it and vice versa..

It's major stuff that should have been ironed out prior to an engagement..

40

Re: Girls - Would you?

how can you leave such critical thing on just assumptions??/ its not like there are no cases of professional girls being asked to stay at home............