girls that have no brothers

Lifestyle Relationships
1

for the girls that have no brothers and only have sisters..a question: Where would you want to live after you get married?

So I know this family that is going through a rishta process. Well, actually, I know the guy’s family. The girl who the rishta is from has one older unmarried sister and her two parents (both retired - but not the buddhi buddha type, active). The girl is an elementary school teacher. This family lives across town (45 min drive) and she works at school down her street.

Both the guy and girl are very quiet, and have similar personalities.

The only thing that is bothering the parents of the boy is that the girl doesnt want to live with her inlaws (which is fine), but wants to live closer to her parents. She says that she will miss them.

The reason why this makes the parents worry was that their other son was once married to a girl in a similar situation. But then she initially settled for living with the inlaws, but 6 months later she told the hubby that she wants them to live with her parents. The boy refused to, and eventually they got divorced.

So my question is, for the girls that have no brothers..is this a normal request? or would you gladly want to live where the hubby wants to live? (it doesnt mean to live with the inlaws, but to live separate as well).

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Re: girls that have no brothers

Very confusing question and i think some girls having no brother should give answer .....

3

Re: girls that have no brothers

well that is who im asking....

4

Re: girls that have no brothers

I think if the guy is willing to move out of his parents home & say live in between the 2 sets of parents (assuming guy is overall a good catch) I would go for it. If the guy is good in qualities otherwise (and so is family) then I wouldn't ruin it to figh tto stay with my parents. I would make it clear that if and when my parents need me then they would be able to stay with us, and same goes for his parents......ideally....

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Re: girls that have no brothers

^ i agree. If the guys is worth it, then you should move out...unless the parents really need her to be there. she needs to clarify this with him beforehand and get it in writing.

however, Im not sure why any guy thinks it is beneath him to live with his inlaws, but expects his wife to stay with his parents..?

6

ewwww

I don’t want to be married to such a girl :nono:

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Re: girls that have no brothers

well the guy is not insistent with living with his parents. But he does work really close to his home and figured that instead of wasting money renting a place, live there for a year, save up and buy a place.

That sounds reasonable.

I mean teachers could find jobs anywhere, so i doubt it will be a problem for her to get a job (that was another one of her reasons).

But this girl is really insistent for the guy to live closer to her parents and away from his parents. Her reasons are:

  • job is close
  • will miss parents
  • it's in islam that she has to take care of her parents

Honestly, I dont like it when people use the name of Islam for their own advantage. I see it so often..but that's a totally different topic altogether.

it's the first time the guy and girl are "talking" to anyone...and his family has asked me what my opinion is about this.

Maybe its me...but im willing to compromise. if I were that girl and If i truly love the guy and he's great and has an amazing family, and my older sister is still at home, I would gladly go with the hubby is. My parents would want me to have a happy married life and to be a good wife first, then a "good" daughter.

8

On my dad's side 'back home' I have no male cousins at all and the families have decided that whoever the girls marry their other halves will come and live on the same piece of land as them but in separate homes.. One of my cousins on that side has already married and her hubby agreed to it (am sure they check early on if boy's families are ok with the idea).. turned out to be a good decision as her dad died a year later and it means they can keep an eye out on her mum whilst still having their own space and independence..

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Re: girls that have no brothers

so either the guy is not insisting on living with parents, or he is inorder to save up?

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Re: girls that have no brothers

he is not insisting, but thought it would be easier to save up. But he is willing to move out.

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Re: girls that have no brothers

I disagree with the girl here. I understand wanting to live closer to her parents, but what about her guy? He's equally entitled to say that he wants to live close to his parents and his workplace. So if she expects him to compromise, so must she.

In this scenario, I think living with his parents and committing to buying a home midway between both ILs is the fair response.

I have an auntie and she and her husband just moved from their own home to a place that was closer to the DILs family (about 15-20 minutes away instead of 45 minutes). Their son bought a home at a walkable distance to his parents. Everyone is happy because everyone made an effort to accomplish the best outcome for all.

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Re: girls that have no brothers

I have no brothers.
My parents well-being (esp as they age) in every way is my responsibility ... much as it would be if I were a male.
I have chosen to live in close physical proximity to my parents, once i'm officially rukhsatified ... though not under the same roof ... my parents refuse that setup for now.
Fortunately, My guy understands and respects my wishes. As a mattter of fact, he has taken it upon himself to convince my family to "live under the same roof" plan ... :) ... he's an optimist!
I more then welcome the idea of having his side of the family subscribe to the same plan ... I say we make it a family block. I shall be proposing the idea to his family, just like he is to mine.

13

Re: girls that have no brothers

ehl e chamman..thats nice of ur guy to do that.

Is he the only son? and you the only daughter?

14

I have no brothers..only younger sisters. My parents are in their late 50's and so far they're capable of taking care of themselves. I moved out after college and right now live about 4 hours away from them and have been for years.

My BF is fully aware of my concerns. He actually wants to move closer to his parents after marriage (they live in a different state!). We won't be living with his parents but will be in the same city. I told him I'm ok with that. BUT I told him that if in the future, the day comes when my parents are not able to take care of themselves and need assistance in daily living, then I want them to move in with us. I willl not put them in a nursing home. My BF has said that's fine with him. Of course, when that "day" does come, if my sisters are grown and settled financially, I'm sure they'll offer to help too.

In the situation you mentioned, they're all in the same city. If the girls parents don't need help with daily living assistance, and if she can't live 45 min away from them b/c she'll "miss" them, then in my humble opinion she's not ready to get married. 45 min drive is nothing....she can easily visit them every week....unless she plans on going over to their house every single day after getting married.

Same for the guy's parents....even IF the couple live by the girl's parents, the guy's parents are 45 min away! This particular situation just seems silly to me. We're not talking about different cities, states, or even countries......they're 45 MIN apart!

15

So Islam says that the guy has no responsibilites towards his parents?? Now come on. I understand this girl's concern but shouldn't the guy be equally concerned about his parents?? In the end its all going to be always about her parents. I think if she agrees that its the guy's responsibility to take care of his parents as much as its hers to take care of her parents, and find a place to live where they are close to both the family, its more reasonable.

Lets say in this whole thing, the guy does have an older brother who can look after his parents, older brother moves for his job, family and the younger brother has to take care of the parents, this marriage won't last.

We all love our parents and want to be close to them, see them regularly and help them as they age but just thinking about your own parents and their concerns is selfish. And I don't understand that the guy's family has already experienced a similiar marriage which didn't last, why are they even thinking about this one?

16

I don’t have a brother but my sister and I live really far away from our parents :naak:. However, when my father retires, the parents will be moving with my sister. This arrangement came about in the past few years when dad’s health started deteriorating and my BIL offered for them to move in with them. They are most welcome to stay with me but I’m in another country and healthcare/immigration would become an issue at this point.

I guess it depends from family to family, your relationship with your husband, many factors. Our “desi” parents anyways try to resist moving in with daughters as much as possible but all parties should keep their options open.

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Re: girls that have no brothers

I seriously preferred to live far away from either my in-laws (coz of hubby and the typical saas bahu issues) and from my parents, taakay na wo houn gay paas aur na he mera dil keray ga roz roz un say milnay ko. After all i was married and hence wanted to have my own life!

:wink:

18

I have no brothers and right now my parents are in good health alhamdulillah and my youngest sister is with them right now.But husband has already offered them to live with us under the same roof if they want to or whenever they retire.We are 4 sisters and my parents are in Canada and I am in US.When my nationality will come I will file immigration for my parents so they don't have problems living in USA.We sisters are thinking that they can spend summer in Canada and winter with us.It will be good for their health. It really depends on my parents but alhumdulillah my hubs doesn't have a problem and neither my bil have a problem.

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ditto my case too..we are 3 sisters but i loveeeeee my daidu n cnt imagine him being anywhere else than wid me, besides his mum n my mum are sisters & he really really looks upto my dad for advice since his dad passed away..anyways my mum n dad will live wid me n ill be around my 2 fav men <3 (im not too fond of the women though :D)

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Re: girls that have no brothers

that was the only thing my husband and I talked about before our marriage.. both of us sisters don't have a brother and our father passed away a few years ago so I told my husband that my mom will be staying with us and that I will be taking care of her in her old age.. he had no problem with it, in fact he was more than happy to do so.. then my sister and I made an arrangement of six months with each of us because we live in two different countries... I dont get my full share of six months just because my sister has four children and Ammi loves spending time with them BUT I can;t wait to have a baby to keep my mom around more :D

Both of us sisters are lucky that our husbands respect our mother so much and feel honored to have her around.. I love teh relationship between my mom and husband..Alhamdulillah I will not have it any otehr way and I strongly support the girl's opinion on this matter.. parents come first and if she wants to take care of them despite having an older sister around, I respect that!