***I don't have brothers and as such I always wonder about such a situation.
I've got sisters who are married but live in the same city as my parents so I was able to live away for a while completing my education. However now that I'm back with them , even though I got offers abroad for a job , its hard to make a decision to move away once more as it would mean leaving them on their own , so that even though they are not dependant on me and pretty active and my sisters are nearby , its not the same as having someone with them at home to take care of them , God forbid anything happens .
So it is understandable that the girl in question would want to live near her parents after marriage as she has no one to rely on to take care of them in case they need immediate assistance .
Again , I would also take that into consideration if I were to get married to somehow either live close by or make sure me or my sisters take turn to stay with them as they grow older and need someone to take care of them.
that was the only thing my husband and I talked about before our marriage.. both of us sisters don't have a brother and our father passed away a few years ago so I told my husband that my mom will be staying with us and that I will be taking care of her in her old age.. he had no problem with it, in fact he was more than happy to do so.. then my sister and I made an arrangement of six months with each of us because we live in two different countries... I dont get my full share of six months just because my sister has four children and Ammi loves spending time with them BUT I can;t wait to have a baby to keep my mom around more :D
Both of us sisters are lucky that our husbands respect our mother so much and feel honored to have her around.. I love teh relationship between my mom and husband..Alhamdulillah I will not have it any otehr way and I strongly support the girl's opinion on this matter.. parents come first and if she wants to take care of them despite having an older sister around, I respect that!
so what happens in such a case if the guys' parents also want to move in with their son due to old age needs? In-laws living together?
^in our case, they are more than welcome to stay with us in their old age.. and whats wrong living with two set of parents? I believe you are very lucky if you have buzurg to live with you!
^time will tell! and I can't make any big statements until I have lived through the situation..I was in a situation of the original topic hence the comment. :-)
I knew of a family where the bahu only had sisters and insisted that her parents live with her. The problem arose because her husband's parents also wanted to live with them. So in order to please her parents, his parents were pushed to live with their daughter.
How fair is that? Sure, the husband had a sister where the parents could live with her - but what if the sister's in-laws wanted to live with her? Where do his parents go then?
I am extremely sympathetic to daugthers who do not have brothers because yes her parents' care is her and her husband's responsibility. The only thing that troubles me is when the daughter gives preference to her parents at the expense of her in-laws and dismisses the legitimate needs and wishes of her in-laws to favour her own side of the family. If she and her husband are equitable, then there is always a compromise whereby neither set of in-laws will be slighted or treated as less important than the other.
just curious.. where does in Quran and hadith it says that only a guy has to take care of his parents and girl shouldn't or shouldn't give them the priority?
If I had a brother, I would still like to keep my mom with me.. we all know if a mother says something to the daughter, it's not frowned upon as much as if the same thing came from mil to dil so why would I let my sil deal with my old cranky mom when I know I might be able to mange her in a better way than anyone else?
Also, my husband has 5 siblings so I don't know who would they prefer to stay with but if they chose us, I will make sure there is a balance between both my mom and mil.. actually I think older people will like each other's company instead of staying at home all day while kids go to work so whats the better deal? If you can afford, by all means support both set of parents and inshaAllah if we have to, we will. :-)
I hate how Pakistani's think parents can only live with a son and always place the responsibility of taking care of elders on a son.
I'm an only child and I will definetly take care of my mom...once my husband and I buy a house she will live with us inshallah.
Also, my husband is the ONLY son and therefore thinks it is HIS responsibility to care for his parents. No where in Islam does it say that it is only sons that should take care of parents. Daughters and son's alike need to care for their parents and I would expect that his younger sisters will help take care of his parents and that the responsibility is not JUST on our heads.
Ideally, figure out where YOU want to live, and find someone who also has similar desires. At least by geographical region. The US and Canada are so huge, that you can narrow it down to a region at least or at least a 2 hour-3 hour flight to your parents home.
In reality, job options, parental needs, personal preference for geography all play a role.
I would want to live near my parents. Not likely I'm going to find someone who lives in those parts though. So, when my parents get really old and they're ready to retire, I'll have them move. Not so easy though, because their whole lives have been spent there, and it's not going to be easy for them to adjust to cold.