Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
It suits her because she and her kids have financial support.
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
wouldn't they get that if she was divorced?
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
It suits her because she and her kids have financial support.
But she could get that anyway, he will have to pay for his kids whether they are together or not. Oh well they say everyone has a price.
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
To be fair second marriages provide a good way out of bad first marriages. For example an uncle of mine had a terrible first wife, but because they already had kids he married a second time instead of divorcing the first one. Surely that is a better alternative to divorce.
what if wife thinks that she is in a bad marriage? should she go for second husband instead of divorce?
A good solution needs to be universal in nature, not conditional or one sided.
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
what if wife thinks that she is in a bad marriage? should she go for second husband instead of divorce?
A good solution needs to be universal in nature, not conditional or one sided.
A good solution is whatever best can be made out of resources/laws. If laws are one-sided, then you have to make the best of that. (If one wants to follow the laws, that is.)
Although, I do understand that you are probably saying that a bad marriage can and should be worked on.
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
Usually the men who harp on the 4 wives thing are unmarried and have no idea what it means to even maintain ONE wife.
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
^So true.. It's funny it's often the same guys who can't/won't even provide one separate home for wife no.1 making out they can handle marrying and somehow providing for 2 or 3 or 4..
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
But she could get that anyway, he will have to pay for his kids whether they are together or not. Oh well they say everyone has a price.
Still, the kids will have to go through the trauma of divorce. There are all sorts of family issues, not to mention the fact that divorce in Islam is the worst deed that is actually allowed. This person I'm talking about, I've heard horror stories about his wife from my mother (who's known them a long time). I have met her myself and she always seemed a bit nuts to me so it came as no surprise that the guy had married a second time. For starters, his arranged marriage with this lady was a sham, she lied about her age and it turned out that she was actually much older than him. She was a housewife and yet would not cook or clean for him, he had to do it all on his own and was putting in double shifts at home and work. Despite that he chose to stay married to her for the sake of his kids, provided her with a home and willingly took on the expense when it would have been quite easy to divorce her. I fully support a second marriage in this case.
I have also seen another incident of second marriage in my family (my dad's first cousin). The guy ran away from home, had an affair and married that girl. When he eventually came back he said he married her because his first wife was fat and unattractive. Now that is the kind of second marriage that needs to be condemned, because even if one doesn't like their wife there is a better way of going about it than to have an affair and abandon your wife and kids.
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
1) I know plenty of women who are currently supporting themselves (they're single due to being divorced or widowed). I also know women who support themselves and their children without a husband. So not ALL women "need" a man to support them.
2) If a woman for whatever reason can not support herself or her children....and her family is unable or unwilling to support her........I have no problem with my husband supporting her. My husband can give her whatever amount of money he can afford to give her and spend time with her children and be a "role model" for them. However, he doesn't need to have sex with her in order to "support" her.
Paheli, I dont know where exactly you're quoting me for saying "ALL women need men to support them". I did say it's hard to function without a male support and that's just my perspective (which could be skewed because of my experiences).
You're right, some women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and their families mashallah and can do perfectly fine without a male figure in the household.
However, that's not speaking for majority of women especially Muslim women who have no education or other means to support themselves. For instance there are uneducated , poor widows with kids who have no other support and they live in parts of the world where they might not even be able to step out of the house without a Mehram let alone working outside.
Don't get me wrong though, I'd never be willing to share my husband with someone else like that, heck I'd kill her! but if someone else chose to, I'm not going to judge them because they might have valid reasons for doing so.
For instance if a woman can't have kids and even though the couple loves each other a lot and the guy doesn't want to get re-married he might eventually give in to family pressure and get married again. It wont be fair of him to divorce his first wife for something that wasn't even her fault. I've seen situations where even the first wife encourages him to get married, lived with the second wife and raised their kids together.
The husband doesn't need to love them equally, he might still love his first wife more (Mohammad saw loved Aisha r.a more than his other wives at that time) but if he treats them both with equal respect, financial help, give equal time etc., the scenario could work.
We might not really get the big picture sometimes and might not completely understand why Allah swt has allowed and forbidden certain things but if He says 4 wives is allowed (with the right conditions met of course) then I would just take His word for it.
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
Only if you control yourself, wait and obey your faith, you would inshaAllah get many more than this amount in Jannah. Those are made of noor, zafran..etc. They never complain, They never judge, they never have any kind of impurity, they never demand, their sincerity is many times more, their beauty can't be imagined, they don't get prejudiced or jealous of each other, if they spit in the seas of this world, all the seas would become honey. Their sweet smell can't be described. Their voice can bring dead people to life. At their first sight you would be motionless for more thn 40 years, bewildered by their beauty. Their beauty is unimaginably more than the ones in this world. If I carry on with the hadiths, few people might get offended by the amount of their praise in the Quran and Hadiths. Just mentioned so that you aim for more amount and beauty, if you are so interested.
p.s. If anyone feels tempted to question/ criticize, please pick the authentic hadith books and read yourself, because I wish that you get the sawab for the efforts you make in finding and reading it yourself. :)
Men get hoors because its probably the best way to get them excited (no pun intended) about Jannah. Give them drop-dead gorgeous, brainless women who have no voice of their own that they can have unlimited amounts of you-know-what with. Not 1 or 2 but 72 of them! No wonder when you ask a guy to describe Jannah they very first word you'd hear them utter is 'virgins'.
Women.. well our desires transcend all that... we want Gucci and Prada.
Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
Someone told me that in Jannah you get trees… with clothes hanging off them.. and if you can get spend your time imagining what clothes you want and they’l instantly appear.. and you can go to a marketplace and basically decide your own appearance..
I was like 
Allllloooooooooooowwwwwwwww the men with their hoors..!!