Re: Girls should just accept to be the second wife.
Paheli, I dont know where exactly you’re quoting me for saying “ALL women need men to support them”. I did say it’s hard to function without a male support and that’s just my perspective (which could be skewed because of my experiences).
You’re right, some women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and their families mashallah and can do perfectly fine without a male figure in the household.
However, that’s not speaking for majority of women especially Muslim women who have no education or other means to support themselves. For instance there are uneducated , poor widows with kids who have no other support and they live in parts of the world where they might not even be able to step out of the house without a Mehram let alone working outside.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’d never be willing to share my husband with someone else like that, heck I’d kill her! but if someone else chose to, I’m not going to judge them because they might have valid reasons for doing so.
For instance if a woman can’t have kids and even though the couple loves each other a lot and the guy doesn’t want to get re-married he might eventually give in to family pressure and get married again. It wont be fair of him to divorce his first wife for something that wasn’t even her fault. I’ve seen situations where even the first wife encourages him to get married, lived with the second wife and raised their kids together.
The husband doesn’t need to love them equally, he might still love his first wife more (Mohammad saw loved Aisha r.a more than his other wives at that time) but if he treats them both with equal respect, financial help, give equal time etc., the scenario could work.
We might not really get the big picture sometimes and might not completely understand why Allah swt has allowed and forbidden certain things but if He says 4 wives is allowed (with the right conditions met of course) then I would just take His word for it.