Do you think it is a wise decision marrying some one you don’t look up to? I mean if a guy who has a degree/education less than yours, has an age less than yours or is financially less stable than you are or just does not possess a much charismatic personality etc, you don’t feel you look up to him, would you still go ahead with marrying him?
Yes, if he possesses the basic things of being a great character, are girls able to adjust with the fact that they can live with some one who they think is in some way inferior to them?
"being a great character"
do u think great character is something little or opf no importance?
what will u prefer a rich, stable, someone you can look upto, but lacks character or someone who today may seem like little less but as you say character wise ok.
Money stability, position can all come and go.
And if someone really is into you they must do everything to keep you happy.
but again depends on what you see in the marriage. its your call afterall.
It depends on the girl...there is no right or wrong answer to this.
Morally speaking, we should look at character and nothing more. However, sometimes its hard to snap out of a particular frame of mind. In that case, follow your gut instinct.
You would rather disappoint him for a few moments then for the rest of his life, right?
Well from my personal experience "charismatic" guys were very popular in our university and they really used their "charisma" by having a lot of fun with girls who were meant as a time pass. See, the girls thought they were really "cool" and "classy" and looked up to them and the guys knew this very well. However, it was another sight when the charsimatic guys moved onto other girls and dumped the current GF who was looking up to them.
I'd take character over most other things any day.
Looking up to someone needn't be based on the level of education or age. It's about character and morals. So if the guy has the potential to be a good husband and has a personality the woman admires, then it's fine. But from your post it seems she does not have respect for him, so why is she even considering the marriage?
Do you think it is a wise decision marrying some one you don't look up to? I mean if a guy who has a degree/education less than yours, has an age less than yours or is financially less stable than you are or just does not possess a much charismatic personality etc, you don't feel you look up to him, would you still go ahead with marrying him?
When I first met my now Husband I was a graduate with a proffessional job, was financally stable and was older than him. My Husband on the other hand didn't have a degree or a proffessional occupation, he was younger than me and was less stable financially. ...But what he DID have was a warm loving, caring personality and an honest, loyal considerate nature (amongst other attributes). I knew that he would make a loving Husband and one day, inshAllah, a loving Dad*. THAT* is why I married him. Money, status, jobs etc etc come and go.. but the reasons I fell in love with him will, inshAllah, always be there.
Are girls able to adjust with the fact that they can live with some one who they think is in some way inferior to them?
I don't see my Husband as inferior to me in any way. He is my life-partner, my equal, my soul-mate!!
If the female spouse thinks that she is superior to her Husband, than the marriage is doomed from the start. The "Superior" Wife will resent her "Inferior" Husband..
One of the most unhappy goris I know is a girl who has either been in relationships where she gets severely abused and then dumped by some master-of-the-universe type with a big job and a crummy character, or goes out with some very sweet, good-hearted guy whose paycheck or job somehow indicates to her that he's not 'ambitious' enough, and she dumps him and breaks his heart. She's well-educated and very, very physically attractive but just turned 36 with no real prospects for marriage/family anytime soon. She can't get it through her head that not being on your blackberry 24/7 does not mean you're a loser unworthy of respect.
Good character has nothing to do with your profession. And good character is what you should look for/respect/look up to in a man.
As for profession, is he a hard worker? Is he committed to playing the role of breadwinner? Will he be able to provide a reasonable standard of living for his family? Is he able to keep you intellectually engaged? If the answers are all yes, screw the details---he's a keeper. :)
When I first met my now Husband I was a graduate with a proffessional job, was financally stable and was older than him. My Husband on the other hand didn't have a degree or a proffessional occupation, he was younger than me and was less stable financially. ...But what he **DID have was a warm loving, caring personality and an honest, loyal considerate nature (amongst other attributes). I knew that he would make a loving Husband and one day, inshAllah, a loving Dad***. THAT is why I married him. Money, status, jobs etc etc come and go.. but the reasons I fell in love with him will, inshAllah, always be there.
*
**I don't see my Husband as inferior to me in any way. He is my life-partner, my equal, my soul-mate!!
If the female spouse thinks that she is superior to her Husband, than the marriage is doomed from the start. The "Superior" Wife will resent her "Inferior" Husband..**
Awwww, I love this---it reminds me of me and my husband. I'm also older and was more established when we met. He was still in school. But the first time we talked it was apparent how deeply he cared for people, how well he took care of those around him, and how motivated he was to be a good family man, and I knew he was special.
Now that he has graduated and is working, he makes the same or more than I do and works his butt off every day to help build our future. I could have landed some player banker who blows his bonus in clubs (dime a dozen here in NYC), but I looked for the character first knowing that my husband is a guy who would work hard, cut his cloth according to his means, and focus on the important things in life.
I totally agree that the guy and girl need to have character, morals and religion and be a decent person over all.
However, I value education a lot and I think my future spouse needs to be educated so he understands what MY lifestyle is about, and is on the same wavelength as me. Life is already too hard, maybe that would make it a little easier.
I think my future spouse needs to be educated so he understands what MY lifestyle is about, and is on the same wavelength as me. Life is already too hard, maybe that would make it a little easier.
Sorry to "throw a spaner in the works" .....but can you explain why your Husband needs to be educated to understand your lifestyle? Is it not possible for him to understand your lifestyle without an education?
The reason I ask this question is because my Husband is not educated and we are completely different, (he's a self employed manual skilled worker and I am a full-time s/ware prorammer) yet he understands my lifestyle and me (most of the time) and is totally on my wavelength..
I guess it could be down to how much someone values eduaction..? I dunno...
Because I've had rishtay where the guys don't wanna deal with the girl having such a busy lifestyle and they don't understand why or how someone could be so busy.
I'm sorry for wanting an educated father for my future kids (iA). Maybe it's a really bad thing, who knew!
i thik what Aishaaa 2.1 means is because she is educated or whatver she wants her husband to also be educated so as to be on the 'same' level...as in what she has been been through etc ....i mean it is difficult to understand someone when one hasnt been through it themselves..
It's not a bad thing wanting an educated father for your kids..
Uneducated fathers are just as apt at being good fathers too..
^ i agree
my father is uneducated..he completed college thats it..but m.A he is an amazing caring loving father...the best in the world (obviously im going to say that) i think id prefer him to some big fancy doctor cos he is where he is today through his own hard work..im not saying a doctor isnt a doctor through his own hard work...but still i hope u undertand what im saying lol..
my father is uneducated..he completed college thats it..but m.A he is an amazing caring loving father...the best in the world (obviously im going to say that) i think id prefer him to some big fancy doctor cos he is where he is today through his own hard work..im not saying a doctor isnt a doctor through his own hard work...but still i hope u undertand what im saying lol..
what do you mean by you dad being uneducated? when he has completed his COLLEGE!!!!!!!