Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
/
Something about killing a cat :konfused:
I think it means something like, taking control in advance?
Khumar: A womans bigggest enemy is another woman
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
its better to live on our own after marriage. relationships are hard to handle as it is, why make them more difficult?
as they say na.... distance makes da heart fonder :D
but yes we're still married to the families. when we're needed we have to show up at da inlaws, no matter wat!
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
If I’m not mistaken, it’s like “bili kay galay mein ghanti kon bandhay”, like how to keep the big monster away. I suppose …
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
economical reasons
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I haven't read the responses, but I'd like to state that it is a wife's Islamic right to have a separate residence. Culturally, it's the opposite, however. Then again, cultural prevails over Islam for desis.
As for my plans, yes, I'd like to have a separate residence and not a big fan of living with in-laws. It's a lot better and saner that way.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
DP, you need to live in PK for a few years to actually know what happens there. How many girls actually live with In-Laws and how many want to live? How much crisis there occurs in every family due to these joint family system. People deal differently with these situations depending upon their level of education and financial well being.
I have seen girls married into first cousins and they refused to live with inlaws. I have also seen girls into totally unknow family, arranged marriage and yet living with the inlaws. Another factor that counts is how much independance and privacy do they have living with inlaws. If inlaws are too nosy, there will be troubles and the guy himself wud wana move out asap. Whenever two or more people live together, there will be problems, issues, conflicts. Some can deal in a more amicable manner, other loose their patience. Do you watch "Everybody Loves Raymond", the famous American Sitcom? I love it. If you don't get it in Dutch land, I wud say buy a season on dvd, you wud realize how confounding these factors are in every culture and society.
It also depends how boys/girls are raised and how do they deal with these situations. Many wud prefer to live with inlaws, and especially if parents are older and they need attention, it is first and foremost responsibility of both son and daughter-in-law to take care fo them, whether they like it or not! This is what Islam teaches us! Personally, I wud love to have his parents living with me and if any younger brother/sister who needs them/us. I have heard lots of horror stories but I wud give it a try and pray that God gives me the strength to do it. In the end, I wud make sure that the parents are well cared for. They say, they are your jannat, they are your jahannum, so privacy or no privacy, his parents come first!
Lastly, ppl live in joint family in PK bcoz it favors them in many respects, great benefits of learning from parents, grandparents, teaches lot of control and tolerance :) family pressure ofcourse is on top of the list. But things are not all that rosy in PK as ppl sitting here assume. Go live there for a few years and you wud find out the reality.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
yea…i think it’s about taking control in advance. or, it just might be some of the weird sayings we have in our family. as for the whole a woman’s enemy is another woman…please, don’t get me started on it. life1 has already been labelled a man bashing forum:party:
Larki-NY: nahhh…it’s soo not that.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
i like the idea of living in the same neighborhood as my n his parents....that way we can always be there for each other.....and have the privacy aswell.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
now, a few of my cousins' and bhabi's have been living in their in laws. and it's not that awsome. it's not like we have been taught to be hard to live with...it's just the environment. its nice when you have kids living in the same house as the nani or dadi, but you know what, it really creates a lot of problems. chack chack, aitraaz, horrible saas', marna peetna, i've heard it all. so you know what, i really don't agree that living in a joint family is the best thing. the freedom in one's own house is the best.
Did all of this happen in PK or abroad?
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Pakistan
oh, also, i agree with dutchi that when you get married, you get married to the whole family, not just one individual.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
it goes both ways!!
They have to take care of HER parents as well.
No offense to you but i really hate when people say that it is the FARZ for the son to take care of his parents....NO it's FARZ for both son AND daughter to take care of their parents. Why is it that people seem to forget this? I'll tell you..it's because our tradition has lead us to believe that ONLY the son takes care of the parents. So what happens when the parents dont have a son? do they go to a nursing home? NO the daughters have to take care of them....so someone plz tell me this....how will the daughters take care off them (in their old age) when they are living with their in-laws?
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
census results in Canada indicated that more women, significantly more women than men take care of elderly parents.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
exactly....i think some parents are starting to realize this here in the west. I am now starting to hear aunties say that their daughters take more care of them then their sons. It's because their sons are off to work trying to make a living (in most cases). daughters are much more nurturing anyway. same goes with DIL's..they take care of their in-laws more then the sons. Of course there is nothing wrong with this.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Many people I know alwyas say that daughters care more for parents than sons when it comes to emotional support, but sons are alwyas more “beneficial” coz hey he’ll bring in the money.. buss its all abt $$$, sons r traditionally economically safer bet than daughters.. (coz daughters will marry and that requires jahez, giving daughter away, poori zindagi ka tension ke she has to be chaste and pure and safe and protected, becoz of the stupid concept that the family’s entire izzat is in the daughter so if god forbid she’s not perfect, the whoel family is perfect and has every rite to get rid of her 
) ahem, sorry went off on a tangent.. yeah my point was… many very very very traditiaonl desis, back home, will admit that daughters care more for parents.. sons just provide $$
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
no, women go off to earn a living too. they are just as career oriented as men. it's just not the men. but more women are willing to handle both their careers and their family. as a consequence, they have more stressors to deal with. but that is another topic.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
yea of course women work nowadays as well. But i was just making a point to say that men work and they get busy in their own lives while women (even if they work) are more nurturing and make time.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
^ yuppers. it's the whole sex roles that have been determined by the society.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
DP, I hope you found lots of answers to your question. It's not only West where girls tend to or want to live seperate from Inlaws!
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
but if the girl is living with her in-laws and her parents are old and not able to take care of themselves…then who do they live with?
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Buss then tey’re left to wither and die alone coz it was their bad-kismat to be cursed with daughters