the point is , there are million experiences in life that we will never come across, and u will never know about them cuz u havent experienced them. but just cuz u never experienced them doesnt mean u havent seen them. sometimes u learn from other people's experiences.
u can have as many relationships as u want to have, but u will never be an expert on ppl's personality. but u know them cuz u seen it or heard about it.
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*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
mats.. just cuz i dont smoke, doesnt mean i dont know anything about them (different sizes, brand names etc) :-/
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The idiots who talk about cancer & ****, are heart patients. I'm talking about the overweight doctors.
Xperienced relationships are much better 2 describe than Xperiences that ppl have just witnessed. I'm with u matty.
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*Originally posted by mal1k: *
The idiots who talk about cancer & ****, are heart patients. I'm talking about the overweight doctors..
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well i dont smoke cuz it stinks, n i dont even like to be around ppl when they smoke cuz i hate it when my clothes start to stink cuz of the smoke.
one doesnt need to be in a relationship to find out whether another is carrying baggage.... hmm
just another thing.. im slightly lost in this thread... i didnt know baggage only related to people in relationships... doesnt that just mean they have a history of relationships and are finding it hard to get over their lost love? hmm dunno
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*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
sometimes u learn from other people's experiences.
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true... but u will never know exactly how it feels unless u've been there and gone thru it... not talking about relationships.. but just general stuff.. like someones father passing away.. u wont know how it feels unless it happens to u.. cus someone else's pain.. is still someone elses... and no matter what u do or how close u r... it will never be the same... right?
^ so you need to put your hand in fire to see if it will really burn? no?
^ do i need to answer that?
let me try neways... one doesnt need to know that one will get burnt if they put their hand in fire... but one wont know the pain.. theres a difference... ones external (burn) and ones internal (the pain)...
ie. when ones parent passes away.. we generally know how a person may react.. tears and screams lets say...but one will not know how the person is actually feeling on the inside... get it?
why is something so simple compared to something so outrageous? beyond me...
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*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
^ do i need to answer that?
let me try neways... one doesnt need to know that one will get burnt if they put their hand in fire... but one wont know the pain.. theres a difference... ones external (burn) and ones internal (the pain)...
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well thanks for trying... :)
one wont know the pain?...you mean you arent sure if you will feel pain or not when your hand burns??
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ie. when ones parent passes away.. we generally know how a person may react.. tears and screams lets say...but one will not know how the person is actually feeling on the inside... get it?
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so if you see a person 'screaming and in tears'...you wont know how is he/she feeling?? I'll take a leap here and guess that maybe the person isn't very happy...
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*Originally posted by Matsui: *
Wrong answer Roman. The latter..because they have not been in a situation where previous experience can guide them through it. That is a biggest bagagge of it all..
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Ok Fine. So for you experience is the only way that you can get through stuff. have you seen your child die? Nope. Is that an experience that is essential for you to function fully as his father or want to even experience? No. Can you handle the issue if it god forbid happens to you? Yes? Would it be more traumatic then if it was your first kid dying or the third? No each would be its own and some stuff you would have learnt and other you would not have.
Yes I know thats an extreme example but you dont need to make every single mistake in the book to make learn everything. Somethings you can just learn from the experiences of others...Also some mistakes are better not made. It all depends on how you define things (positively or negatively).
As for your strong reference to people having been in a relationship (and from my reading of it, mostly of a physical nature) before they can talk about it, I would completely disagree unless your only point of reference between your ex and your current is the sex. How can you simply leave the emotional part out? Are you implying its any less important then the physical aspects?
As far as my reference to baggage as a nextive term. Go to any desi and ask them what it means to be carrying relationship baggage and whether it is immediately construed as postive or negative. No doubt you view it as positive but most desi would not (in my experience). As I said, it carries the same baggage that the word nigger carries.
If you want to talk about effect of previous relationships on a new relationship and call it bagage it would immediately bring up a negative connotation.
As for Irem deleting your posts, I suggest you be more careful with your words. For such an intelligent/decent and experienced person you sure have a problem holding your temper/anger back. I dont know what that means for reaching the cross roads and knowing what to do based on your experience.
ok.. this is terribly frustrating…
one knows their will be pain.. but do u know the intensity of it? not everyone is affected in the same way…
ok lemme explain it in even babier terms… lets take a roller coaster ride.. we all know whats going to happen… but one persons fear is different to anothers.. right? can u be sure.. 100% sure that the friend next to u is feeling exactly the way u r feeling?
can a person watching from the ground be certain how ur feeling? one person may get off the ride feelig sick… another one willing to go on another 5 times…
duh ofcourse u know they are hurt… but can u feel what they are feeling?
well done :k:
all im saying is… we can all guess and estimate what the outcome is going to be and what the side affects are.. but not understand fully unless they themselves are in the circle…
Please Note: I'm not saying you need to actually go thru all things to understand the affects... but just that a person will not be able to feel the same thing unless its happened to them..
u dont need to have a parent or close one die to know how it feels.. but when it does happen, its a totally different situation...
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*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
all im saying is... we can all guess and estimate what the outcome is going to be and what the side affects are.. but not understand fully unless they themselves are in the circle...
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Well sadzzz...using your example of a bereaved son/daughter...one thing is for sure...they r going to suffer extreme pain and sorrow...there reaction might be different but the difference wont be much and thus immaterial...
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*Originally posted by hmcq: *
Ok Fine. So for you experience is the only way that you can get through stuff. have you seen your child die? Nope. Is that an experience that is essential for you to function fully as his father or want to even experience? No. Can you handle the issue if it god forbid happens to you? Yes? Would it be more traumatic then if it was your first kid dying or the third? No each would be its own and some stuff you would have learnt and other you would not have.
Yes I know thats an extreme example but you dont need to make every single mistake in the book to make learn everything. Somethings you can just learn from the experiences of others...Also some mistakes are better not made. It all depends on how you define things (positively or negatively).
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What you are giving are attributes or situational instances. It is a far cry from someone having NEVER been in a relationship and offer advice. I can tell you to speed up and merge into the next lane or wait until the lane is totally clear when driving on the highway...these are two different ways of approaching the situation because even though I might not have driven on a highway but I have DRIVEN before. Simple enough for you?
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As for your strong reference to people having been in a relationship (and from my reading of it, mostly of a physical nature) before they can talk about it, I would completely disagree unless your only point of reference between your ex and your current is the sex. How can you simply leave the emotional part out? Are you implying its any less important then the physical aspects?
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No, but it is not any less important. Go back and read my example for Roman. What does "intimacy" mean to you?
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As far as my reference to baggage as a nextive term. Go to any desi and ask them what it means to be carrying relationship baggage and whether it is immediately construed as postive or negative. No doubt you view it as positive but most desi would not (in my experience). As I said, it carries the same baggage that the word nigger carries.
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I think you should meet more desis. :) AS a mod and an intelligent person, I think you should know better than to use the word "nigger". Are you scared of black people, as most desis are?
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If you want to talk about effect of previous relationships on a new relationship and call it bagage it would immediately bring up a negative connotation.
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I am telling you to change the paradigm.
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As for Irem deleting your posts, I suggest you be more careful with your words. For such an intelligent/decent and experienced person you sure have a problem holding your temper/anger back. I dont know what that means for reaching the cross roads and knowing what to do based on your experience.
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THere is no temper to hold back. It is derision for people who are poor at doing the job that they are tasked with. To showcase the idiocy further..."grabbing ankles" is left because she doesn't understand the term. But references to scriptures are jumped at because that is all she knows. I would recommend you hold her hand a little more and teach the little bachchi simple nuances of moderation.
i agree with you sadzz :k:
you can only go as far as understanding the other persons feelings, but will never be able to feel exactly what the other person is feeling…
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Roman: *
I don't think it's "type" (of the baggage) that matters. It's the "intesity" of it. Either one of the cases could be more "negative" depening on how "big" the baggage is.
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Nice....and true.
I also know a ton of guys marrying from PK so they have a bholi nadaan innocent wife...and get a wife who''s watched too many bollywood movies and read too many romance novels and have no clue what real life and relationships is about...and the girls can't deal with normal relationship arguments
What comes to my mind? it does have a negative connotation....and I would want someone with the least amount of baggage being selfish that I am but my selfless part would help resolve the parts he does.
HOWEVER that doesn't mean I would want someone with no experience or history.....it's just how he dealt with those experiences..and how he has worked through/processed his past which makes him a great person now.
IF he hasn't processed or worked thorugh it then the past still negatively effects his present....and that would be baggage. HOW Little or HOW mcuh the baggage is a factor of the experience and the person....
eeek..leave it to me to not read the next page and respond to a comment so late that the thread has gone off into another discussion...
much more interesting one but heh...
before when i had never done anything, gone out done anything...I Thought I knew everything about relationships...I was actually a dear abby for my friends. They would come to me for advice, while I would think what goof balls are you for doing this and that..and I would never etc.....
Once you've "fallen" you realize that there is so much more grey in life, we all are human and you are much much less judgemental of others and your partners.
I know it has made me a much stronger and better partner for my husband as well as much more prepared for a long-term relationship. I have experience but my baggage is small.
Experience holds a dear school, but fools learn in no other
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Matsui: *
What you are giving are attributes or situational instances. It is a far cry from someone having NEVER been in a relationship and offer advice. I can tell you to speed up and merge into the next lane or wait until the lane is totally clear when driving on the highway...these are two different ways of approaching the situation because even though I might not have driven on a highway but I have DRIVEN before. Simple enough for you?
Dude whats a parents-child relationship is ????Driving a BMW and a truck is NOT that different
No, but it is not any less important. Go back and read my example for Roman. What does "intimacy" mean to you?
And emotional relationships occur only after sex??
I think you should meet more desis. :) AS a mod and an intelligent person, I think you should know better than to use the word "nigger". Are you scared of black people, as most desis are?
Ahan....Which is why most of the desis here think baggage has negative connotations?
I am telling you to change the paradigm.
huh????
THere is no temper to hold back. It is derision for people who are poor at doing the job that they are tasked with. To showcase the idiocy further..."grabbing ankles" is left because she doesn't understand the term. But references to scriptures are jumped at because that is all she knows. I would recommend you hold her hand a little more and teach the little bachchi simple nuances of moderation.
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Poor job by your defn? May be you should be holding everyones hand cause of your experience in these matters?
BoSS: great topic..since people have already discussed all there is to discuss about girls/guys with a baggage… and more 
…let me just say this..
“Baggage is “ok” as long as it fits neatly in the overhead compartment and is not two Pullman suitcases dragging behind us”.
sadzzz..very well said indeed.. lol @ “i can so see myself going against all ive said and marrying someone cus i feel sorry for them” … yup you should be jailed i.e. married and shipped off ASAP 
^ finally :)
shipped off where? im willing to move to africa if necessary...