Matsui, I don't agree with your definition. I think there is a difference between "carraying a baggage on one's shoulder" and "having left some emotional scars" after getting over someone (getting rid of the baggage). Scars go away over a period of time but carraying a baggage around keeps a person still emotionally attached or occupied with the previous relationship.
I agree, having never carried a baggage can also be a problem. It's good to go through relationships before making the last one your life-long commitment, or else you can never truly appreciate the other person or the qualities, as much as you are not willing to accept the overall package.
To me it's a no brainer. Never get involved with someone with a baggage because for the baggage carrier, you're not really a person who's "better" than his/her previous relationship which makes him/her come to you, but rather a means to get over it or a crutch to walk away on. Crutches only last so long. With still in a state of emotional preoccupation, there is really little left for him/her to give you the proper and equal reciprocal attention you deserve.
Similiarly, if you're carraying a baggage on your shoulders then it's very much so a strict moral responsibility of yours not to carry it over with you in the next relationship.
Irem, why the fk are you editing my response> this is not a religion forum. ALso, have the same respect for the bible as you do for the quran, you twit. You seemed to have missed that.
ROman you are talking in circles. having baggage and emotional scars are the same thing. My assertion is that everyone has baggage, therefore it is not right or wrong, positive or negative. baggage allows for compromises which allow for better relationships.
Matts, that's what I'm saying: I don't agree with your definition. To me carrying a baggage means that the person is still emotionally involved with the previous relationship, and given a chance would still want to be with the previous partner.
Having emotional scars to me means that it was over and the person was hurt but doesn't expect and want to go back into that relationship and wants to move on because now he/she more rationally understands some of the things that made the relationship fail to begin with. There may still be pain (some scars, bruises) but nothing major.
Lets keep emotional scars out of this..for the sake of sematics atleast.
Having baggage is not about you. ....It is about your partner. Let; stake you for an example. YOur boyfriend dumps you, because you are terrible at grabbing your ankles for instance. You find that out your new bf is asking you to grab your ankles..Do you.
1) Grab them..fully knowing you are terrible at it and don;t want to do it and would probably drive this guy away
2) Tell him, you don;t do that..to bypass the situation and hope you cna find other grounds to find joy in the relationship
sheesh mats, u dont have to insult irem or anyone to make ur point. n when did she made a coment about bible in this thread? :-/
** What comes to your mind when you hear the word baggage. Does it have a negative connotation to it?**
when i hear about "baggage" i automatically think about culture, past experiences (criminal, addictions, all negative stuff).
The way you deal with someone’s baggage could be a very selfless approach or a selfish one…I’m not sure if selfless and selfish are the right words..how would you deal with it?
well i wud try to help him to deal with those issues, as long as he is willing to deal with mine, cuz in the end no ones perfect. and relationship is suppose to be all about give n take and how much effort u r willing to put in it in order for it to work.
Nah man...I am just amused that idiots who have never ever even been in a arelationship are out there, giving advice as if they wrote the book of love. Moreover, they think since their religious upbringing is the norm that everyone also gets a hardon for religion.
Now tell me Roman..who has bigger more negative baggage, someone who has broken a few hearts and has had their heart broken or somoone who has never even kissed a boy.
Matts, I don't think it's "type" (of the baggage) that matters. It's the "intesity" of it. Either one of the cases could be more "negative" depening on how "big" the baggage is.
Wrong answer Roman. The latter..because they have not been in a situation where previous experience can guide them through it. That is a biggest bagagge of it all..
Matts, That's not necessarily true. If their lack of "guidance" is "big" enough then it can create problems but people do have very healthy relationships even without dating anyone else than being with their, say, spouses.
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*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
mats.. just cuz i dont smoke, doesnt mean i dont know anything about them (different sizes, brand names etc) :-/
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Yes they do Roman...also people with previous relationships have good partnerships too. The question is when you come at the cross roads in a relationship, would you know how to deal with a situation if you have never experienced that before.
Not having all the answers is the meaning of life. If we had all the answers, life wouldn't be life. Or maybe being a hoe/man-slut is a good thing, i wouldn't know
DO you know how it feels to have a cigarette?
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nope.. but doesnt mean i dont know it might feel when that poisonous smoke is going down my lungs and i am coughing like crazy n my clothes starts to stink like an ash tray.
