Re: Girls falling for older men.
The way I see it, I agree with you that it is never just the “daddy” issues. Our personalities are complex. We all know that some basic personality traits before the age of 5 predict personality later in life too, right? Then, as childhood goes on, we learn a lot more. Some of which can be changed, and some can’t. During our personality development, we have all those issues like, over-protective mom, un-involved mom, middle child syndrome, over-bearing dad, lonely dad, kids’ belief that a woman’s place is only in the kitchen, one must be scared of dad - whatever have you. A 7 year old in that situation, doesn’t know how to handle that situation better. So to save herself from it, she comes up with some (in)effective ways of handling it, for her age.
But how she decided to deal with an over-bearing, possessive dad at 7 will not continue to serve her forever. She will soon develop some more related pathologies. And all of that becomes a part of her personality - BUT, obviously not all of her personality. She can’t be reduced to her unresolved issues.
You wouldn’t think that only psychopaths have psychological issues, right? Every single person grows up with some psychological issues. You have either dealt with most of them or are really good at not recognizing them as a problem i.e. hiding them from yourself.
Our kids will have psychological issues too. It is impossible to avoid that. Because life isn’t perfect, and a kid’s mind is incapable of protecting itself completely.
That is not to say that bad things only happen in childhood. USUALLY, our issues in adulthood stem from our childhood. They come to a climax in adulthood. OR you have a traumatic event during adulthood, that leads the way (extreme case: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Again, you either deal with it, suffer from it forever, or hide from it.