I grew up in the west and my parents were of course from the old country so they knew desi culture completely.
Even if I grew up in the States, I know quite a bit about desi culture and I always speak in my native language at home. Dating was just something I didn’t do even if I was asked out. I’m just getting scared that I won’t do as good a job with my own kids as my parents did.
what are you all doing or will you be doing in the future to expose your kids to desi culture?
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I've concluded that cultural identity is too hard to maintain in generations going forward. Religious identity is all that can be maintained, so I'm going to try and raise my kids to be conservative Muslims. That it much easier than raising them to be conservative Pakistanis.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
well said Maddy. Once religion base is developed then everything else becomes a smooth ride. Personally I don’t know much about paki culture either and I don’t think I need to know it much to fit in paki soceity. I speak urdu and know the name of paki dishes so I am paki 
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I agree with Maddy, I would think religious identity is much more important than the cultural one. My top most priority would be to raise good muslims InshaAllah. I think it would be hard to maintain a "I am a Pak (or any other nationality)" mentality no matter where ever you live abroad. I grew up in the middle east and now live in the US. And trust me when i say i am as confused as kids can get about their cultural identity even t hough i speak perfect non-accented urdu and can even read/write it.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I think its really stuipd to keep some retarded traditions alive, like marrying ur daughters off super early, childhood engagements etc…never letting daughters go out, limiting their education/career options, coz “its wrong” but letting guys do everything they want.. I love my life now, i love my parents and I honestly think they are more liberal than I ever thought before, but HS was one of the worst times in my life I think.. I’d never want to put my daughters through that..
Like others said above, I’d rather htey know Islam more.. I personally wud rather just teach them Islam.. urdu/punjabi was my first language, and I want the same for my kids..I want them to know Pakistan, to know it like i know it, not go on their first trip to Pak when they’re 20 something and not know th elanguage or anything.. and Oh yeah desi food.. parathas and biryani, my my 
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I agree with you. However, I would say add teaching them Urdu. Since they will be speaking it anyway, and would be able to read Quran (inshaAllah), the reading and writing Urdu would be very easy for them. Besides, the more labguages you can teach them at young age, the more their interest and learning grows, and it will be even easier for them to learn other languages later on if they want to. Am sure we will be teaching lot of cultural values just through everyday living without making any extra effort, InshaAllah!
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I’ve already seen this happen with some (but not all) 3rd generation Mirpuris (Kashmiris) in the UK. They find it it very hard to relate to being Pakistani, especially when they have never been to pakistan in their life. They feel British Desi instead.
However, they were very devout Muslims. Their national identy wasn’t Pakistani, but their Religious identity was very Muslim.
I disagree on the urdu. I can speak urdu (badly :bummer) , and I can read the Quran in arabic very easily, but I simply cannot comprehend urdu script. Arabic script is so much simple and urdu script simply defeats me.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I would take um to Pak for few yrs, just wht my parents did.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
MM, when I was in Pak i thot of doing th same.. have them grow up there for a coupla yrs, so they know Islam (the basics) and Urdu properly, not to mentoin have a link to their families.. But now I dunno, if I would ever want to spend 10 years in Pak :(
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
^ y not? was the trip that bad?
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
^ is it coz of the experience u had with the tailor :halo:
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I worry about the same thing. I plan on visiting Pakistan as often as possible. I also plan to take courses in Urdu myself and making sure that my kids do as well, when they are old enough.
There is no way we will be able to preserve everything, and it may be unreasonable to expect that (especially when Pakistani culture is no longer what it was when our parents left Pakistan). There is no point in feeling guilty because you cannot preserve Pakistani culture. No one (even those who live in Pakistan) can do so.
Culture is inherently dynamic. What I want is to expose my kids to a diversity of life and priorities so that they can remain open-minded and flexible and value their heritage.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
MM , everything 
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
My dear, that's bcoz you were probably not taught Urdu right from the start, I assume. The script is the same, font styles may differ. That's why it's so important to learn it right when you start teaching them Quran, like 4-5 yrs of age.
Abt Mirpuris: They don't even teach their kids Urdu. They speak khalis Mirpuri punjabi or the British English. Besides, my personal judgment after spending a year or so in UK, the culture over there is not as open as in America. My advance apologies to British dweller desis, but I found the overall British culture very condescending. May be bcoz it is based on their overall class system. The upper echelon of Royalty looks down upon middle and working class and so on. So that whole attitude kinda seeps in them, esp. when they go back and only visit the very remote areas of MirPur. They are less likely to develop any love for PK or the Urdu language.
Frequent visits to PK and to various areas of PK is a good idea, so that they know there's more to PK then just the village/town their grand/parents came from.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
yeah i would do the same thing.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I partly agree with you. Culture is something that’s ever changing and doesn’t hold too much importance. I agree that religion rather than culture is the main responsibility a parent has towards their child. However we can only guide our kids towards what is right and can’t make them become anything.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
Thats good. You teach them to be good Muslims And Arabs will teach them that they are Pakis.
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
oo hoo, punjabi kuri? Mein bhi punjabi ha
but sum of the stuff u said its not true…sum people do the stuff u said but Its no longer the majority…only a small percentage of people still do that kinda stuff…only think i can think of that is true is that they hesistate on letting kids go out cuz honestly they have no way of knowing what they going to do…lol…ima guy living in U.S.A. and my parents dont like me going out..how about that.
How come u didnt like H.S.?
Re: girls and guys that grew up in the west
I would just like my kids to be able to read/write/speak Urdu/Punjabi and any other regional language w/o any major dificulties... and have that thing about Pakistan.. that's off course in addition to being a good Muslim.
Is that too much to ask for..?