Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Lifestyle Relationships
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*I had my nikkah last month and will be getting married in a few months and moving to London. As dumb as they may seem, i have some questions that i am just curious to know *

  1. How do you cope with missing your family factors?
  2. If you have no family there, how often do guests come in?
  3. Do you cut all veges yourself? :stuck_out_tongue:
  4. How do you or did you spend your day if you do not work somewhere and don’t have kids?
  5. Since you don’t get roti from market, do you make it at home?
  6. Since there are no wax-walis, do you wax yourself or go to parlours? Isn’t that expensive? :slight_smile:
  7. How active is the Pakistani society there; do the women meet often?
  8. How do you kill time? Watch tv? Go shopping?
  9. Do you think you have a life of your own?
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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Daffy...aap ne kisi masoom deserving ABCD girl ka haq maara hai.........:p

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :slight_smile:

Are these questions serious? :konfused:

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

ye sab nikah se pehle sochna tha na :p

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

:D

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :slight_smile:

hehe :blush:

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :slight_smile:

All is well if your husband’s well. :khumar:

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Well I haven't moved so I can't really comment on how to cope with missing home. But as mentioned, Skype is a great way to keep in touch. We also email my in-laws photos regularly and so do they.

You will have to do everything yourself here, although I'm sure your husband will help you. So you will need to plan meals and buy groceries accordingly, meat, aata, daals, rice, spices.. everything, from regular supermarkets and desi stories. And yes, everything needs to be done by hand from scratch! So you will need to peel and cut all veges including onions, garlic, ginger. You can buy some of this stuff frozen but I don't know anyone who uses it. Roti is generally made fresh, so you will need a tava and a rolling pin. If it's just the two of you, it should be no big deal to mix it by hand. You will need to figure out ways to store stuff in your kitchen and make your life easier. For example, my mum does a lot of garlic and ginger at once, crushes it, and stores it in a little oil in a jar in the fridge. So when you come to make your meals, you just need to take a tsp or two of this for your masala. You will also need to buy jars to store your daals in. Plastic containers for the rice and aata.

Any area where there are a decent number of asian's will have asian parlours, which are reasonable and will do waxing, threading etc.

If I was new to the country, I'd find out about the area I live in. If I was at home and my husband at work, I'd get used to public transport and find out how to get to all the shops etc. I'd start taking driving lessons asap to gain independence. It might be cute in the beginning for your husband to take you grocery shopping but he'll most likely have enough of it after a while. You can do that stuff while he's at work. Then it's up to you how to spend the day. If you're not a very experienced cook, you might want to spend some time every day on trying new things. If you have a garden, you can work on that... I'd say most people maintain their garden's themselves here. You might want to take up sewing, since we don't have easy access to tailors and stuff, it's a useful skill to have. You can try and find out about courses you can enrol in, in the local college. Most of this stuff is part time and often during the day, so something you can do whilst your husband is at work.

I'd say you very much have a life of your own here, if you want it.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Stoppit's post is really good. Just some extra things to add: My mum crushes garlic and ginger and freezes it in little cubes that you can just add to whatever you're cooking without much effort. She does the same thing with mint so you can make chutney easily. However the best thing she does by far is to make a giant container of mix masala, so instead of adding different spices to each dish she'll just put one teaspoon of this in. It's ssoooo handy and it tastes really good but obviously it depends on how you like things done. Also, as mentioned I would recommend collecting containers. Things like jam jar bottles, little tins etc to store spices in.

Generally speaking stuff here is clean and packaged so you won't need to sift though daal to get rid of any bad grains. You can buy tins of channa daal which you just have to rinse out. Tins of tomato are really useful aswell when cooking. Life will be much easier for you if your home is near a main road with grocery shops etc otherwise get the hang of public transport / driving and don't be afraid of walking Generally speaking it's safe to walk around and go shopping on your own :) ALSO: you can always resort to online shopping for groceries if your home is a bit further out - but I wouldn't recommend it as a regular thing cuz you need to leave the house sometime too!!

Be prepared for British weather - it's usually different shades of greyyy haha But yeh seriously, an umbrella is a good thing to have on you. A lot of people who shift over from Pakistan miss the ronak shonak of back home, so just be prepared for that. Try and see it in a positive light as a shift to more independence where you can manage your home however you like. Best of luck!

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :slight_smile:

wooohoooo… Sughar Guppans :smiley: :k:

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

lol, meanie!

i m sure u wl be fine daffy if your hubby is cooperative :) IA.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :slight_smile:

Dudette, you’re moving to London not Limerick :naak: You’ll be fine!

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

I live in London and i'm sorry to say this but i think you will have a big shock when you come here, like you my cousins also moved here after marraige and they were in for a big big surprise.

Life here is tough....you have to do everything yourself. The majority of your day will be spent cooking and cleaning. There are no "kaam walis" here you are the kaam wali!

You will have to clean the bathroom/toilets, hoover the house, the laudry, ironing, shopping, cooking etc...any time you have free you will want to just rest and recover. I know it sounds horrible but it is true...well in my opinion it is anyway.

Everyone is so busy doing the same...no one really have time to meet and go to each others houses...only once in a while.

Waxing, threading etc is quite widely available and not too many people do it themselves but it will take you a while to find the right person and i don't think that they are as good as what you find in Pakistan. The worst thing for me is buying shalwar kameez...but you can get your mum to send it to you.

Most people spend there eveinings in front of the TV....there isn't much of a night life here unlike pakistan....so your evening entertainment is sadly Eastenders.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

If you dont mind me asking, whats your level of education?

Best option for your to keep yourself busy in some useful work is to get education. When you go to local school/college, you not only get education from books but your learn about new country first hand (and quickly too)

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiii :(

y'Allah madad.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

How often guests visit depends on how social your family is...if you like the milna milana your weekend could be packed busy and if you're not it could be boring.

Yes, you cut all veggies here yourself and do it all on your own. There is no cleaning lady...well actually there are but they can run up a bill for you...about $100 a week sometimes. Most people dont want to spend that kind of money so we do it all ourselves.

You make your roti at home unless you live in an area where these things are commonly found. We either make it or there is a lady who sells haat ki roti from home and she will make a ton. It just depends on where you're located.

You dont wax yourself...at least I never have. There are salons everywhere in the US and I am pretty sure the UK is the same.

Pakistani society can be very active and the women do meet quite frequently but again it just depends on where you live and how active your family is over there. You can make friends easily by going to school, masjid, volunteering, etc. If you want, you can find a social circle anywhere.

I suggest not watching TV or shopping for entertainment all the time. When my mom came to the States after marriage, she found a part time job the second week she was here at a nearby shopping center. Be productive and learn about your surroundings.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :slight_smile:

I call them

Since we dont’ have family closeby at all, I’d say we have guests like 2x a year at most :hehe:

Yes. :stuck_out_tongue: We also have chopping machines/food processors for things like kababs/tikkis etc.

I guess a few times a month I go visit friends, grocery shopping 2-3 times a week (since I don’t drive and take public transport). I do all the errands that need to be done outside the house… kabhi kabhi shopping mall.

We use packets of pita bread, but u can learn to make rotis at home too…honestly if u already learned it, its quite easy to make rotis in another country, and since ull be in London, im sure u can easily find a tawa and bailan

Well not to go off topic but I don’t buy into “salon svcs are so cheap there!”…its cheap for us since we’re coming from abroad and bringing dollars/pounds etc, but I assume if ure in Pak and earning in Rs, its still expensive isn’t it?

Anyways im sure u can find cheap parlors..or learn to wax yourself..or shave…

I used to think its so exicting moving to a new place…but it can be quite scary as well. And really..it all depends on how good your husband is and how easy he makes the move for you…

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

I did all my waxing myself because it's a hassle to go to a parlour (if you work all week) and I hate the icky feeling afterwards. The cheap desi ones are pretty nasty and they don't generally do a good job. Decent places generally charge ÂŁ30-ÂŁ40 for a full leg and bikini wax.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Where in london are you moving to daffy?

You can buy roti from restaurants and stuff we do that sometimes like tandoori roti at ÂŁ1 each (which is cheap) and we live in a very white area.

Everyones posts are fantastic I will only add one thing....You are as social as you make yourself. I have 2 cousins who have moved from pak, 1 of them complains all the time about being lonely but she really doesnt make the effort and is picky and choosy and one has a packed weekend every weekend!

Also people are alot more reserved that pak so no one is going to just come over without phoning or asking., you have to specifically invite people on a certain at a time and some might even arrive on time!

You will be fine! im closeish to london you can be friends with me :)

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Thank you so much for your replies girls. I was expecting to be made fun of but i am glad girls around here are so sweet. I can ask a few more dumb questions now. :)

I will be moving to West London. I seriously wonder how much of TV id be interested in.

One of you was asking me how qualified i am, I am a post graduate, Alh but my husband is not in favour of pursuing a career after marriage, he is okay with me taking up courses or diplomas or just other fun activities. I am pretty tired of studying, with almost 20 years of study, so i am not going to be doing any more courses. I want to try learning other fun things like:

  • interior decore courses
  • fashion design
  • jewellery making
  • photography
  • Make up courses
  • hairstyling
  • anything of the sorts

Are there any of those within range cost there?

Some more of the dumb questions:

9. How much of a cultural shock did you get? I mean even if we havent visited the exact places, we all know via books, internet and movies what kind of a culture there is. How do you manage your individuality of being a Pakistani and a muslim?

10. Which Pakistani communities can i join? I am a person who has never in my life lived alone for even a week. I am a social sort of person so how can i continue being that? Id love to have grocery or girlie shopping partners, people i can dine out with or just have a life away from going down my husband's neck. I dont want to eat up all his space all the time because he would be the only person i know there.

11. How do you manage laundry?

12. How do you manage cleaning? every day mopping, dusting and blah blahs?

13. What other activities other than shopping, watching movies are there if ive already visited most of the famous places?

14. What about Eids and Independence days ? etc. days we celebrated in Pakistan with full enthusiasm.

I have a big fear of being lonely. I have never been and i hate being. I cant even eat alone; it just depresses me. I just want to keep myself so busy that i dont eat my husband's brain and stay sane on my own as well. Plus, i want to show my family back home that i am happy and have a life other than my kitchen and the education they spent millions on is coming in use some where.