Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

[quote="DaffyDuck, post:3, topic:241106"]

  1. How do you manage laundry?

Its not difficult if you already have a washing machine and dryer. the controls are pretty straightforward too. Just make sure you follow instructions on ur clothes, almost all western clothing and lingerie have instructions on how to wash (like some must be in cool water or hot water or with like colors etc).

Not sure abt shalwar kameez tho :/

  1. How do you manage cleaning? every day mopping, dusting and blah blahs?

Again...if its just u 2 in a normal sized apt its not alot...but from my experience (that I wish I was good with), the key to housework is maintenance....don't let things like sweeping mopping dishes etc pile up because its very exhausting. Better to start off with good habits!

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

If you are in west london, you are in one of the most desi areas. There is southall and they don't call it mini india/pakistan for nothing. You can find everything there: desi clothes, jewellery, and halal/pakistani restaurants and can get desi groceries from there as well.

Also dusting isn't much of a problem in london as it is in pakistan. There isn't much dhul mitti.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :slight_smile:

Daffy, I’m sure you’ll figure out all these things once you get here. Everyone works out their own way of doing things.

In regards to washing, I know in Pakistan the maids generally do this by hand to get the clothes clean properly and the machines are used for spinning. You will almost definitely have a washing machine in the house, even if the place is rented. Here, the washing machine will do the whole job but you will have to get accustomed to the different cycles and other things. Like always darks with darks, whites only, delicates etc. Like, most people wash towels and bedding at high temperatures. You will need to figure out which washing liquid/powder and softener you like the best.
Since it’s just the two of you, you probably only need to do the laundry on the weekend. Handwashing is possible too. I use a small tub placed in the bathtub for anything silk, chiffon, delicate knitwear, desi clothes which might run colour (don’t put these in the machine with anything else!!).
I don’t like the dryers that are combination with the washing machine (or any that heat to dry) so I hang all my clothes. You might need to get a clothes airier for inside.

As for the rest of the cleaning, it completely depends on you and your schedule. Most people are pretty laid back about that stuff here. I mean first off, it’s unlikely that you will have visitors on a week night and if you do, they won’t care that it’s a bit messy. Having said that, if you’re not working, there’s no reason you can’t do all the chores in the morning before you go out. Dusting and vacuuming probably only needs to be done once a week. If I was at home everyday, I’d make sure the kitchen and bathroom are clean, as it is, I do a big clean on the weekend.

For the courses, try the local college. You can do all kinds of courses, hair and makeup ones are pretty common.
Random example: http://www.west-thames.ac.uk/en/courses/subject/Beauty-Therapy/courses.cfm/cid/519

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

once you're here , sab pata chal jayega .. life's much easier, free and peaceful , don't take tensions.. goodluck !!

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

My mum went through this so all of this is just from her experience:
1. It's hard at first, the first year (before kids) you ring them every few days and you cry, eventually you make friends and build a life and it gets easier.
2. Depends on how sociable you and your family are, my mum got involved quite quickly and made some close friends who we call khala now, she got involved with the local mosque and things. It's harder when you don't have a car at first but public transport is safe and if you're willing to make an effort you'll find lots of wonderful people :)
3. Yes. But you can buy some ready cut vegetables and tomato paste for the days you feel lazy, they don't taste as nice but it's fine in a stir fry.
4. Get out there. There are a lot more things to do here than in Pakistan tbh, life here is faster moving I guess. When we visit Pakistan I always feel like time's moving slowly, everyones quite lazy since they're used to help around the house. I'm not saying that's bad, it's quite nice to be lazy at times, just different.
5. Yes, but you can get some pre packed ones at certain places which you warm up, they don't taste nice at all but if you're hungry you'll eat it. If you live in a densely Pakistani populated area you'll find takeaways with tandoors and the days that my mums working we east white rice (made in the microwave) or bread with curry. Where there's a will, there's a way :)
6. You do it yourself, you can get it done, price depends on the area you're getting done. All salons/wax bars/any shop generally is cheaper if it's run by Pakistanis, this is a fact :)
7. Depends on where you live, we live in an area where there's at least 10 events a day for all age groups, from children to OAP's, if you find yourself in an area where there aren't as many Asians mix in with the English people, they don't bite. Obviously it'll take getting used to but they understand our cultural/religious obligations better than we thing they do!
8. You'll be cooking and cleaning everyday, you won't have a lot of time. If not there's a leisure place in every town for gym/swimmimg/sauna etc, shopping, friends, outdoor activities, there's LOTS to do so don't worry about being bored, provided you get out there and explore.
9. Yup, you'll turn into quite an independent woman if you work, it won't mean you'll appreciate your husband any less, just that you have more control of your life.

My only advice is to stop worrying, go into your new life all pumped up, it's an adventure. Be willing to get out there and at times you'll feel insecure because the way you dress isn't the same as everyone or your accent isn't quite perfect but trust me you're the only one who will notice that, noone else cares. Make friends, have fun and be positive. I hope you like it! <3

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Wow that's longer than I thought! Sorry! :)

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

I live in the US after marriage but was born in the UK

[li]How do you cope with missing your family factors?
[/li]
Miss them yesand call them often. A new life and trying to figure out your spouse takes up much of your time.

[li]If you have no family there, how often do guests come in?
[/li]
People don't usually come in unannounced like Pakistan. Mostly you have dawats / parties and people come visit then. If you have a lot of Pakistani neighbors then you may have more causla drop ins. It all depends upon how much you want to socialize.
[li]Do you cut all veges yourself? :p
[/li]
yes, but a lot of pre cut veggies are available too at the supermarket. At home, a cutting board (not as common in Pakistan) helps you.

[li]How do you or did you spend your day if you do not work somewhere and don’t have kids?
[/li]
Personally loved not having to work anymore. There are no maids so more housework though. Window or otherwise shopping, walks, reading and watching TV are activities yopu can pursue in your spare time. London has a great transport system and lots of places to see. If you are a history buff then even better though London has something for everyone.
[li]Since you don’t get roti from market, do you make it at home?
[/li]
You can get roti from the market. We get it from the market or make it at home both ways.

[li]Since there are no wax-walis, do you wax yourself or go to parlours? Isn’t that expensive? :)
[/li]I don't wax but use the razor. No, contrary to popular belief it didn't increase my hair growth and have been using it for 10years. For those who want the waxing option, there are desi ladies who offer their services at lower rates than parlors. Ditto for eyebrow threading. I get mine done every week almost at very reasonable rates.

[li]How active is the Pakistani society there; do the women meet often?
[/li]
Yes, its active. How much you socialize depends upon you and where you live.

[li]How do you kill time? Watch tv? Go shopping?
[/li]
Answered above.
[li]Do you think you have a life of your own?
[/li][/LIST]
[/QUOTE]

Not as much as I had before I was married but I can choose to have "my own life" if I want to.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Some more of the dumb questions:

How much of a cultural shock did you get? I mean even if we havent visited the exact places, we all know via books, internet and movies what kind of a culture there is. How do you manage your individuality of being a Pakistani and a muslim?

Not much! Most pakistani familes who live here are more religious than the kind I socialized with back in Pakistan. If you don't work, really most goras you meet wiull be the supermarket cashires.

10. Which Pakistani communities can i join? I am a person who has never in my life lived alone for even a week. I am a social sort of person so how can i continue being that? Id love to have grocery or girlie shopping partners, people i can dine out with or just have a life away from going down my husband's neck. I dont want to eat up all his space all the time because he would be the only person i know there.

Go to your local mosque and desi grocery stores and chat up women there. Take their number and call them. If you feel compatible, then invite a bunch of families (or women only) to your house for a lunch/ dinner. Most women only parties are during weekdays when hubbies are away or weekend lunches. They will invite you in return where you you will meet more people and the cycle continues. It took me a year to get a sizable social circle but am busy upto my head most weekends and some weekdays. The phone rings quite a lot too. I am too a social person so enjoy that. Other girls I know are busy turning down invites because they don't want to socialize that much. Keep in mind that your husband may not want to socializethat much. In that casewyou have the option of ladies parties only. Keep the menu simple so you can can save and have more parties later.

11. How do you manage laundry?

Washing clothes is very easy here. You just piut clothes into the machine, select the load size(small. medium large), and then regular delicate etc. and then put in the washing liquid/ powder. the machine will fill up with water itself and do everything. When its done, the clothes will be wrung and you can put them in the dryer machine and they will be dry and ready to be put away.

12. How do you manage cleaning? every day mopping, dusting and blah blahs?

Here, cleaning etc. is not as intensive as Pakistan. Dust is less and houses have "closed" kind of construction so cleaning does not have to be done everyday but weekly. Its hard in teh begnning but there are vaccum cleaners, dishwashers etc.

13. What other activities other than shopping, watching movies are there if ive already visited most of the famous places?
meet people, read, work

14. What about Eids and Independence days ? etc. days we celebrated in Pakistan with full enthusiasm.

We have upto 4 parties on eid days so I am busy. The second and third day though is boring unless its a weekend and people have planned a lot.Women go for eid namaz too unlike Pakistan so you can show off your eid clothes there to other women if you want to. And yes, you can dress as fashionable and with less/ more kaam walay clothes as you want. persoannly I have never worn so many kaam walay clothes in pakistan as I have here.

I have a big fear of being lonely. I have never been and i hate being. I cant even eat alone; it just depresses me. I just want to keep myself so busy that i dont eat my husband's brain and stay sane on my own as well. Plus, i want to show my family back home that i am happy and have a life other than my kitchen and the education they spent millions on is coming in use some where

Yes, in the beginning you shall be a bit alone. I didn't feel that bad though. Time flies here. Besides, theer are wonderful things to look forward to like drinking waterout of he tap/ faucet directly, no loeadshedding, bomb blasts etc.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

I think the best thing to do is to get your husband to take some time off work and show you the ropes- how to do stuff, where to buy all the essentials from, etc. He must also have a close set of friends who he can introduce you to and that's how you'll go on to meeting more people and creating a small community of your own. Also, as another Guppan said, there are lots of us from London, so once you're here, arrange a small get together and we'll do our best to make you feel at home, inshallah! X

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Thank you girls. I feel better after knowing these things. I would love to have a Guppies get together when i am there; would be such a relief having own friends in a new place.

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Yes lets have a guppy get together wooo!!

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

Just because you know the term FOB, I'd say you are better and improved FOB :)

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :)

HTH

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Re: Girls abroad - Here comes another FOB! :slight_smile:

:is: Fabulous! But there is still a lot of time for me to go there. But i will surely catch up with all.

:blush:

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