Re: Girlfriend problems
You're 22 and your communication skills most certainly reflect an immaturity that does not bode well for your suitability to marry.
Stop being so needy and pushy. Let her do what she wants. If you love her, you will care about her happiness and her needs, even more than your own.
And what kind of "man," wants a woman to give up her dreams just so he can get some?
No. Being controlled literally. Women with more education are less likely to stay in abusive marriages, and are more likely to assert their rights-- not only legally but Islamically as well. A marriage that works is a parternship. An imbalance of power creates superiors, and inferiors. That is not a partnership.
And someone with a different point ov view can say that more educated women have an obsession with their rights and demand a divorce at the drop of a hat. There's a reason why Islam doesn't give the woman of giving a divorce directly (she has to pass through the khula process).
No wonder divorces and separations are sky rocketing in the west. and NO, all the married, less-educated house wives are NOT suppressed.
larkey mature deir se hotey hai..its proved! to hes 22 but uski mentality woh hai jo hamri 18 mei thi…tabhi usko shadi karni hai!!! hehe wait till he turns 26 hehe
And someone with a different point ov view can say that more educated women have an obsession with their rights and demand a divorce at the drop of a hat. There's a reason why Islam doesn't give the woman of giving a divorce directly (she has to pass through the khula process).
No wonder divorces and separations are sky rocketing in the west. and NO, all the married, less-educated house wives are NOT suppressed.
Apparently your reading comprehension is well, below par. So I'll repeat. Women with more education are less likely to stay in **abusive **marriages, and are more likely to assert their rights-- not only legally but Islamically as well.
You seem quite resentful here. I can only wonder why you would take issue with a woman finding her rights to be of value, especially if she's in a marriage where her husband beats her. Why do you take such issue with the Quran? Are you not a Muslim? Surely, a Muslim would uphold the tenets of women's rights as Allah says in the Quran... rather than belittle women who believe in them. Likewise, I'm baffled why you find a woman asserting her rights in such a case to be so appalling. Do you approve of women being beaten?
Divorce is normally decided upon by both individuals. No spouse has the Islamic right to drop the other without fulfilling several specifications as laid down in the Quran. There is no difference in divorce methodology that I am aware of within the Quran based on the sex of the spouse initiating the divorce. Furthermore, I question why you deem it necessary to make such a jab which is obviously fueled by some deep rooted misogyny.
Education is a pass to independence. Every woman should have a proper education. This not only allows her greater mobility, it gives her more options, allows her to access more information, goals, interests, activities, etc, allows her a proper foundation on which to educate any children from a marriage, grants more avenues to intellectual stimulation, and allows her more accessibility to share her spouses interests and hobbies. No woman should be forced to remain dependent on a man simply because she is a woman. The point here is choice. I don't care what choice she makes, as long as she has one.
All of the above make for a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life and marriage.
I said nothing about housewives being oppressed. My qualm is with women being denied that base independence/education before marriage. I could give a fig if they chose to stay home with children after that. The point is that they should have options, including that of being able to care for themselves AND their children if the situation ever calls for it-- such as a woman and her children being beaten by an abusive husband, but she cant leave because she cant provide for herself or the children. If she had the ability and background to provide for them, she could take her children to safety.
Divorce is highly preferable to brain damage, would you not agree?
Re: Girlfriend problems
There are two ways to look at this:
Her education is very important to her and she may have seen examples of women around her that didnt get to complete their degrees after marriage. This may be scaring her a little bit into finishing while she has the chance to do so. She may have specific career goals she wants to pursue or plans for herself...nothing wrong with that because she is still very young, unmarried and fully functional...she should be as productive as possible during this time. Meaning, she may want to marry you right now...but once she feels she has the tools she needs to stand on her own, if the need arises.
Another thought is that she may not want marriage. She isnt thinking marriage and you are...you guys are definitely not on the same page. She may be using her education as an excuse to not get married because she simply doesnt want to.
@Noor_is_a_bore
I didn't read the word abusive.....my bad. If thats the hypothesis, then obviously you are right. I really don't like guys who beat their wives or abuse them. I thought you were talking about normal marriages where educated women HAVE to unnecessraily assert their power not rights.
@Noor_is_a_bore I didn't read the word abusive.....my bad. If thats the hypothesis, then obviously you are right. I really don't like guys who beat their wives or abuse them. I thought you were talking about normal marriages where educated women HAVE to unnecessraily assert their power not rights.
Ok. Then that clarifies a lot.
But in the cases you are talking about... those people likely shouldn't remain married anyway. Not unless they undergo some long term and intense marital counseling...and actually change their ways somehow. Any marriage where there is a struggle for control is not a functioning one.
A friend of mine got Nikkahfied when he was 18. After that he completed his education and now he is a successful banker. Same with Bahbi. I think attributing shaadi with education is a western approach where you can get your needs fulfilled even before marriage. We have adopted western culture and norms so much that this common Islamic practice seems like a foreign idea to us. I personally feel that getting married earlier serves a way better purpose than later. Please do not consider marriage as a prison for women where her life gets stagnant. Even in western culture its very common that after marriage one spouse works and the other one goes to school. I always find these people more mature, organized and focused in their approach.
Spoken like a true brother.
@ my op, :D I don't have a girlfriend. Alhamdulillah I am engaged and didn't need any advice. I created this thread with a fictional or common desi scenario to see what the replies will be like. If you wish to continue with your opinions and debate, feel free :)
Re: Girlfriend problems
mannn, you almost made me dislike you for a while 
Thats once again a generalization. I think what you are calling "being controlled" is called making a marriage work, understanding and respect for the hubby in reality.
that's a pretty accurate generalization. by the way, it's not right to assume that an educated girl won't be understanding and respectful.