Inspired by a post in the “loose sisters” thread…
Why do elders seem to have this thinking that if a girl or boy is going “out of control” they MUST be married off, that marriage will “fix” their lives?
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
So they (the loose/naughty/misbehaving ones) aren't their (the elders) resposibilities anymore!
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
so just hoist the troublemaker off to an innocent spouse?
thats sad.
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
i think when adults completely loose control of a kid, they think that a marriage will help divert the kid's attention for whatever negative influence is causing them to misbehave. since they'll be sooo "in love" and/or infatuated with their new husband/wife, they'll completely forget abt the old girlfriend/boyfriend, or drugs/alcohol, or somehow a new wife will motivate the guy to get a job or focus on studies when the parents couldn't.
obviously, such marriages are usually a huge disaster and end in divorce or separation or just realllly sad life for once spouse or the other.
Yes, it is sad. Another reason is that they don’t want the “community” to start talking badly about their daughtrer or her “reputation” to be tarnished; so off you go; get married and nobody will be the wiser. 
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
my topic has inspired other guppies to make similiar ones lol
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
Isn't this just really relaly pathetic parenting? that u couldn't raise ur kid with the proper values so now they're going crazy and u dont know how to deal with that.....
parents like that raise idiot kids who churn out more idiot kids.
hmmm.. dunno... depends on the situation... if the person is a drug addict, marriage is hardly going to change him/her. They need medical treatment, not marriage.
But if the person is simply rude and obnoxious, and if they get married to someone who treats them with love and respect, they're bound to change a lil bit if not much. Marriage wouldn't change them, love, respect and attention would.
It is soooo wrong to marry the "kharab girl/boy" to someone. Its simply washing their hands off the trouble & throwing it on someone else. Why don't these parents fear God before ruining someone's life?
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
sometimes sara, parents do raise kids well... I have seen examples where 3 out of 4 kids turned out well...the 4th one just got seriously messed up and no chance of coming to the right path.
And sadly a lot of our parents generation believe that when a guy or girl are acting out either in teenage years or beyond that ...they are hinting that they would like a partner.... I have never been able to get an answer as to why they think that but that was a prevalent thought.
Although I have to say there are some families who are decent enough not to play in such a way with another person's daughter or son.... its mostly their sons who they get married off to girls from pak....
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
IVE SEEN, boys/girls who are a couple, and then parents catch them out and insist they get married if they love being boyf/gf so much, the marriage usually ends in tears.
Re: Girl/boy is out of control…marry them off!
The thought stems from the tradition concept of “kharbooze ko dekh ke kharbooza rang pakarta hai” … why? … because we are influenced by the society we keep, often without realizing it. So … bad company —> more exposed to/likely to adopt bad habits.
However … I do believe this is a fallacy and the whole thing doesn’t work cause you know … “ghar ki murgi daal barabar” :rotato:
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
Parents probably figure they'll start having sex and they'll get it all out of their system. Works for some people. I've seen a lot of kids who were off dating behind their parents' backs when they were teens and the parents figured if they got married, they'd simmer down and focus on other stuff.
Most of those girls didn't, though. They just faded away into settling for housewives, and no one really got educated or got a job, although the parents hoped that they'd study after marriage. Oh well.
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
Works for some folks. Depends on what you mean by "out of control". I have seen guys become more mature and responsible when they had someone ELSE to take care of, a mortgage etc.
But it is truely sad how desi culture promotes marriage and babies as a bandaid for problems.
Re: Girl/boy is out of control…marry them off!
come and fix me one more time :aliyish:
Or in some cases not so innocent 
Why do elders seem to have this thinking that if a girl or boy is going "out of control" they MUST be married off, that marriage will "fix" their lives?
Maybe the elders think that:
1) Since they can't seem to get through to their boy/girl....that a spouse might be able to succeed better.
2) That having a spouse and a family will "compel" the boy/girl to become more responsible. Make me think of putting the person in a "sink or swim" situation and then crossing your fingers in the hope that they'll swim.
It can and has worked for someone people. But it also needs to be considered that if an individual is already struggling with basic responsibilities.....then there's no guarantee that definitely be able to handle the even bigger load of obligations that a marriage brings. And if the hope is that marriage will cure bad habits of the boy/girl, then it needs to be considered that bad habits can die hard....and may transfer over to a marriage....where it will then affect even more people. More power to the people for whom this strategy worked.
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
Well parenting to most desi "elders" involves feeding, clothing and educating (academically). So when despite all that, if the child still isn't conforming to expected standards, the only play they have left is marriage. And if that fails......well it's not their problem then is it?
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
Very good subject
Parents watching their son mu maaring here n there.... the next door legedary aunti says, ap iski shadi ker do, khudi theek ho jaey ga!!!! HELL theek ho jaey ga
the guy not only fulfills his desire upon his wifeee but the next day will go out and keep his routine life going the same way as it was before his marriage
in such cases, there is no respect, care and emotions only hawas, zid and selfishness
resulting in a divorce or assaulting the girl, whether in Pakistan or abroad
Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!
So its one of those things that if ti works out....grea.t..if not..it can be ht eworst thing to happen to your life?
I'll be honest, though I wasn't forced into it by any means, I definitely feel marriage made me a better person. Then again....had I not been married, I'd still be a different person than I was 5 years ago...as its a natural part of life....
But for those for whom it fails...im sorry but those parents and the spouse made a stupid choice to ruin someone's life and should pay for hte consequences for it. (note i'm not turning this into a gender war).