Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!

well Sara dear its a 95% gender war ;)

but then again, its not u who has started the fire.... its our society, the stupid Indian traditions which we follow and nonetheless the GREAT i must say mothers, who destroy somebody else's lives

I wish if only MIL's now a days wud understand that its not the 18th century for Gods sake!!!!!!!!!!

22

not necessarily, why do we blame EVERYTHING on the way we've been raised? I know plenty of "idiot kids" whose parents did their absolute best in raising them and I know lots of good kids who actually have pretty crazy parents. A lot of kids who go out of control actually do this because they think their parents held them back in some way or had rules that they didn't agree with.

At some point, we need to take responsibility for our own actions. We reach an age in which we can distinguish between right and wrong; I sure as heck wouldn't want someone criticizing my every poor life choice as being a result of "bad parenting."

23

So true..

I have seen it sooooo many times in the UK involving sons especially.. rather than deal with bad behaviour (a lot of desi mums just can't bring themselves to even tell their sons off, it's so bizarre) they'll just palm him off to some unsuspecting and usually naive girl from Pakistan saying 'she'll sort him out' (funny considering they usually go for the meekest most subservient, innocent girl they can get their hands one)..

This is obviously an extreme situation but a friend of mine told me about a girl he knew who actually got caught in the act with her boyfriend (also Pakistani) and as punishment her parents married her off to a man old enough to be her father from 'back home.' I do think in situations like this the parents should at least give the option to the couple of marrying each other rather than other random people they aren't attracted to and have nothing in common with. I know a lot of parents say no to this partly because of anger and pride but also because they don't want their kids married to partners who are 'loose' - so what does that make their own sons and daughters??

(There's also a hadith, can't remember all the details, need to look it up, where it's mentioned a man and woman had appeared out of breath and dishevelled after obviously having had sex - but there were no witnesses - and were then immediately married off to each other, so I'm guessing the solution of girls and boys who do want each other getting married does have some religious basis, I know it's not ideal but surely better than all the deceit that goes on when parents 'pass on' their sons and daughters to unsuspecting partners who don't know what they're getting into).

24

I agree with you. You cannot blame the parenting completley. It definitely plays a part but after a person becomes an adult, the responsibility rests on their shoulders to get their act together.

25

Fasaadi u are right and i agree wiht u to some extent....but in this type of example, lets say the "child" really is going out of control....most of the time its the parent wanting to rid their hands of that problem and let someone else deal with it.
That i don't agree with, esp when its someone else's life at stake here...no i don't call that good parenting, in fact its just questionable morals!

26

Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!

This goes on even in western/gori culture....parents with a misbehaving teen/twenny-something think that if they marry off their kid, the kid will have to face up to responsibilities and will also have the release of sharing a warm body at night. Soothes the raging hormones yeah? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt.

27

…thank god for dysfunctional people. :rolleyes:

Makes my head mush to think what would happen if sooner or later their lebido were spralled all over the sidewalk or worse even, the basement of your local grocery store at 1 in the morning, sleep on that. :silly:

28

I hv seen opposite in my family :bummer: my mum especially always threatens my brothers to learn to behave properly if they want 2 get married not that my brothers are spoiled or anything like that.

29

I really don't understand why these kids have such problems.

In my own house, I have seen such things.

And I will never blame my parents, they have always cared for us and my mom has always tried to teach us good.

My mom used to use this one dialogue a lot when she saw girl/boy relationships....."sirf do din hi hua andai sai niklay huai aur.....bla bla bla"

Now I use this phrase all the time.

My elder sis got into a relationship and it ended up bad for her, she got caught, and then scolded, and after 1 year of uni she broke off - and i think she did it for the sake of the family.

I'm really happy that she did it; however, it seems like that she feels like she did some sacrifice for her family. And I cannot stop laughing at such bs. My point is stop whining abt your "sacrifice" and the question is why the hell did you put yourself in such a situation? I don't feel any sorrow for your "sacrifice". Didn't you know my mom would get pissed????

How can kids go on and do such things knowing that it would disappoint their parents?? Cuz I know that I haven't anything like that and I inshallah will never do. I'm not a blind soldier but I know that when you are a teenager, your parents are right and you are wrong.

My 2 cents would be.....society, school, surroundings.....

30

Re: Girl/boy is out of control.....marry them off!

My 2 cents would be.....society, school, surroundings.....

well said!!!!

31

thats quite a generalization, Sara. not all 'loose' kids have had bad parenting. some kids are just rebellious by nature and no amount of good parentimg can fix them.
coming back to your question, marrying the 'bigre hue bachay' off isnt the best solution or right at all but sumtyms its the last resort. i m not defending but u ve to understand in situations where kids are involved in bad activities n parents have done evrything possible to put the kid back on right track and every other solution has failed, in these situations parents get so desperate that they want to try every and any solution available and in this case it could be to marry the kid off. i think this measure is also taken out of hopelessness and desperation on parents' part.

32

Two reasons:

1) To create a sense of responsibility
2) Because they think it will stop their promiscuity.

The latter - being the main reason for being married off.

Instead of messing around here and there - they think you will stick to one place. And any family name tarnishing will stop there. Sometimes this works.

And sometimes it ruins the other persons life.

This is asain parents/elders reasoning. Like it or not.