Gifts

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Two years ago I got engaged to someone (it is all arranged). It was just baat pakki, no engagement party maybe later on.
In these two years,I get once or twice a year, suit as gift from my MIL-to-be from pakistan (my in-laws live in pakistan and my fiance lives in the same contry as us), these suits are always so cheap, my in-laws are well off but she buys always such cheap and old-fashioned suits.
Her daughters and herself don’t wear this kind suits. I have had it now
It is not only abt the gifts. My in-laws even never bother to call not on eid nor on any other occasion. It is like they do not care
Any suggestions, what I should do now? Do not suggest to talk to my fiance abt it, that will make things worse as we aren’t so close to each other.

2

Re: Gifts

I was thinking abt some options:
- throw the clothes away
- return them to the in-laws
- or give them to poor neighbours in pakistan (my parents and my in-laws live in the same neigbourhood, so they can see what happend to there gifted clothes :P)

this pisses me really off

Bait Bazi - January 2014 (Ahmed Faraz Ashaar only)
3

Re: Gifts

Just accept the gifts. Sometimes it is not worth making a big deal about them.

If you don't like them, give them to a better cause.

I know it must be frustrating but sometimes it is not wise to set off on a bad note.

4

Re: Gifts

^^agreed with dildirani.

Pak V SL - First Test
5

Re: Gifts

Pick your battles. This is not worth fighting over. Just give them away if you don't like them.

Pak V SL - First Test
6

It is really frustrating, it really bothers me.
If it was once or twice, i would ignore it. But it is everytime
And they are well-off, my fil-to-be earns alot, my fiance is their eldest son
And my mil-to-be, is not kanjoos at all, she buys alot of gifts for others, but only when it comes to me....
I always sent nice gifts for her other kids, I m thinking of sending nothing to them in the future

Time Pass ... Jan 2@14
7

Re: Gifts

you should talk to ur fiance about this issue... I know you are not close but still he should know what his mother send to you... may be next time he will send something of his own choice better then previous.
and the dressed she already have sent you sell em at very low price or donate them.

8

Re: Gifts

Send them gifts from the dollar store.

I would reword your issue a little bit. The way you've worded it, you come across as a money grubbing materialistic b****. I know that that is not the case, I know that what is bothering you is not the gift but your 'ehmiat' in the eyes of you MIL to be. Just make sure people understand that that is the issue and not that you're not getting nice gifts.

9

Re: Gifts

this is just a personal observation but i have seen that some MILs just do not want to be close to their DILs, arranged or otherwise. they purposefully create a barrier in the relation and want to make it obvious that the DIL should know her place. buying cheap gifts, never praising or showing appreciation for anything; it's all part of it.
in fact, just be grateful it's just gifts and you're not being tested in other ways coz that happens too.

mine was a love marriage and the first DIL into the family, i thought my MIL was only like this with me as she opposed the relationship. after my BIL got engaged, i've seen that she's pretty much the same with her other DIL who she chose herself.

i think you just have to accept it. don't change what you are doing too much - send gifts as you always have done. but that's more so you know in your own mind that you've done everything can, don't expect much appreciation from the other side.

maybe things will improve after you get married. it hurts to feel like she clearly doesn't give a crap but don't give up and don't change yourself.

10

Yeah it is abt the 'ehmiat.

11

You would prolly have to put-up with a lot of useless clothes and jewellery in the future too.. some MIL's might cause an uproar even if u suggest having it 'changed' it's best to talk to her about it..rathar then to put-up with a lifetime supply of unwanted presents.

12

Re: Gifts

Here is a trick:

Tell your MIL to send you unstitched clothes if she absolutely has to send you gifts because the measurements have changed or something.

13

Re: Gifts

-send her equally tacky stuff and tell her that you have gradually come to know with passage of time from the gifts she sends how great her choice is about clothes and you searched around the malls for a week to get something as 'pretty' as what she sent you last time.

-make holes in the outfits and send her back telling her to exchange it and pick a fight at the shop/tailor from where she got it for befooling her and selling a damaged piece to her. :D

-keep the outfits saved in a box and send her at time of wedding to include those in the 'bari' and tell her your family has a tradition of displaying bari and you'll be inviting your and her family to see how 'gorgeous bari you have got from such a loving family' :D

On a side note:ignore whatever you get from her and stop sending expensive presents for them too. Ignoring will make you life easy-be it gifts or no gifts.

14

You you should b calli dem on eid yeah not dem. Ask them not to send you any more of da clothes.

Gift dem back innit

15

Re: Gifts

Dont take it personally or to the heart. I think its just fashion in pakistan (no offence to any nationalists :p) to give cheap and weird stuff to other people. Stuff u wouldnt be caught wearing ever. Plz follow the fashion flow, you will be happy and satisfied. No kidding.

16

Re: Gifts

I swear I was gonna advice the same

k*eep the outfits saved in a box and send her at time of wedding to include those in the 'bari' and tell her your family has a tradition of displaying bari and you'll be inviting your and her family to see how 'gorgeous bari you have got from such a loving family'*

17

If everyone else was also getting same kind a stuff from I would not take it personally, but it is only me
She even gifted my SIL a better suit than mine, my SIL was shocked when she saw my suit

18

I know this is the best advice, it is also a difficult one
I feel embarrased and insulted since eveyone has seen the clothes

19

Re: Gifts

Dont feel embarrassed about it. Your presents indirectly show your MIL's taste in clothes ;) whether they are intentionally tacky. I fail to understand why do girls fret over it and expect best things from their inlaws when they are not even your inlaws during the engagement period. Alhamdulillah we have our parents to fulfil our desires and after marriage,it should be husbands whom we should rely on getting stuff of our choices. If someone has a husband or a MIL/SIL who want her to wear what she has been gifted with at an occasion,wear it at home or while visiting their relatives :D and dont forget to mention them clearly that you got it from your MIL on eid,etc pretending to be happy about it ;)