Re: Gifts for in-laws
Good ideas
Re: Gifts for in-laws
we went shopping for clothes for gifts today and it got a bit costly in my opinion.. we bought clothes for 5 ppl and it was $1000.. and so far it is only one outfit each.. i dont c the point of spending sooo much on them when they will probably not buy me anything.
Re: Gifts for in-laws
^ No bari?
Re: Gifts for in-laws
miszani, aren't they giving you lots of clothes, jewelry, makeup, etc.?
Re: Gifts for in-laws
i'm with mizsani.....
Re: Gifts for in-laws
Refer to the thread I started a while ago: http://www.paklinks.com/gs/wedding/396287-whats-up-with-the-one-way-gift-giving.html
Re: Gifts for in-laws
why i have to gift????
Gift is only both side relations! except husband for wife...my family will buy for my hubby(even they shouldnt be forced) but if my husband buying for me im His Wife so wether he or his family(to help their son expences) will buy its their responsible but my family also will buy for him as Love...
but why for my in-laws when they dont buy for my family? is it LOVE? or Exchanging gifts? its weired anyhow!
Im A BIG gift myself that my parents sending me to hubby home...lol
Re: Gifts for in-laws
No one should HAVE to give anything to anyone! I hate the way people expect things, my cousin came into our family and it was an awesome wedding and all...but family complained that she didn't bring anything. That's just tacky, you got the girl what more do you want?
Re: Gifts for in-laws
Hey, so from some of your comments it seems like it's customary only for the girl's side to give to the boy's side. Is that the tradition?? I thought everyone gave to each other... I don't mean to suggest that if I give something in my in-laws I expect them to give to my family, I just thought that the custom (right or wrong, lavish or otherwise) was for it to go both ways.
Re: Gifts for in-laws
The ISLAMIC thing to do is for the boy's side to pay mahr to the girl's side. It's like an anti-dowry. The fact that ppl in our culture still practice dowry, Pakistanis- from a country that was founded based on Islam- Ironic, no? Before reading up on GS, I always thought that the girl gets the bari & the girl's parents give the couple jahaiz for their home. But now that I'm in this situation, I'm realizing that there are expectations for the girl to give things for the guy's family, also. And some families practice one-way gift-giving, only from the girl's side for the groom's family. Now that is wrong. It's like an insult to the girl's dignity. My in-laws practice mutual gift-giving, but I want to avoid giving gifts at a big event (it's custom for them to exchange gifts at the mehndi). I don't want there to be comparison & other ppl's eyes on the prizes... I think it's just asking for drama.
Persian, I am pretty sure your hubby's family won't expect anything from you, since it may not be custom in your culture. You can sneak by without worrying about it! Lucky :)
Re: Gifts for in-laws
^ No bari?
no.. i dont think so... I told my fiance.. if they go shopping for me plz tell them to take me with them... and he said "wht would they go shopping for u" so my mom explained to him tht the guys side normally does something like tht.. soo he asked "do i get clothes too" I was shocked. I have given up hope for barri.. When my mom asked my MIL which outfits the grooms side gives (since my mom doesnt know much about wedding stuff.. and I am the 1st person in my generation in my family getting married).. My MIL said.. "haan de daingay hum nikaah ka jora". hmmmmmmmm
miszani, aren't they giving you lots of clothes, jewelry, makeup, etc.?
no.. i dont think so..
i'm with mizsani.....
yaa... my mom thinks she has to give my side of the family stuff too.. is tht true?
Re: Gifts for in-laws
Hey, so from some of your comments it seems like it's customary only for the girl's side to give to the boy's side. Is that the tradition?? I thought everyone gave to each other... I don't mean to suggest that if I give something in my in-laws I expect them to give to my family, I just thought that the custom (right or wrong, lavish or otherwise) was for it to go both ways.
Nope, custom is that bride gets some clothing and jewelery from the in laws, but the girls family gifts the guys family members as well...the girls parents get nothing.
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my mom is insisting tht she has to give my side of the family gifts too.. I thought I would b the only one receiving gifts :(
Re: Gifts for in-laws
The bari is a pretty established Pakistani tradition. If they are not doing it, then I do not see any reason to give them extensive gifts. If you see something nice that you'd like to give your new family members, then fine. Otherwise, spend the money on your new home and anything else you need (new clothes for yourself, etc).
Re: Gifts for in-laws
The bari is a pretty established Pakistani tradition. If they are not doing it, then I do not see any reason to give them extensive gifts. If you see something nice that you'd like to give your new family members, then fine. Otherwise, spend the money on your new home and anything else you need (new clothes for yourself, etc).
My mom insists tht we have to get them something... But idk.. We got shalwar kameez for all the women and going to buy shirts for all men.
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^ I'm sure they will appreciate them.
I just made a list, keeps this whole process sane...
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I think this whole gift expectation thing is ridiculous. It is unnecessary stress and financial strain that people do not really even realize or care about since it is just “expected”. :sigh:
The only people that should be receiving gifts should be the bride and groom …and they should be given with happiness.
But other than that I do not get it.
I have never heard of the tradition of giving gifts to your own family members Mizsani…
It all seems too much… already girl’s parents have to give gifts to the guy’s side … and some inlaws expect the gold and such as mentioned above. But minimally clothes are atleast expected… and even tho they are “gifts” i have always seen and heard people critiquing and complaining about the “gifts” they received. Girl’s parents also have to give some sort of Jahaiz to the girl… again at the very minimal… outfits made.
Its too much of a financial burden for the girl’s side in my opinion. I hate going through this process right now.
My parents live in the middle of nowhere… there are no shops nothing. One has to drive over an hour just to shop for normal western items… if one wants to shop for desi items… either risk it and order online, inconvenience your rishtaydaar in pakistan to help you out with this task, or drive 6 hrs to toronto or 8 hrs to NYC/edison.
It’s nuts.
Did i mention i hate this practice?
Re: Gifts for in-laws
well see its pathetic mentalities like that (not saying you personally!) that think not giving gold will break or ruin a marriage.
IMO I don't see the point in spending so much damn money for someone you hardly know--and yes in laws fall into thsi group of ppl that you hardly know.
Also 99% of the time they dont deserve it!
so true...i agreee 100 percnt to it
Re: Gifts for in-laws
I didn't know that it was customary for only girl's side to gift, I'm pretty surprised at this! But if that is the case, then the boy's should really step up and say that they don't want any gifts. If the girl's side insists, then that is up to them. But in most cases, the girl's side will insist as they feel that they are still being judged. The girl's side is just going to have to stay strong and not feel any shame for not giving gifts, they shouldn't anyway! If enough ppl do this, it will become the norm. When my brother's get married, I am going to make sure my mother says to this girl's side.
Another really important factor is how well the bride and groom know each other. If they have the comfort level where they can talk openly talk to each other, they can easily manage all of their parental craziness, esp since our customs growing up in the west are so different from our parents. For example, if it's my bday and I go out for dinner with 50 of my friends, they pay for ME! Our parents think they are obliged to pay for 50 ppl!
So girls, if you can talk to your fiance about it, you should. Most young ppl think this custom is a burden and needs to be gone!
Re: Gifts for in-laws
realy in pakistan its like this...then my in-laws r nice ...lol
they brought us some gifts...shawl for my mom & sister & perfume for my mother + a pakistani dress for me...
but we didnt give anything that time to them...when we went to pakistan my mom gave a cloth for one shirt for ladies(as we dont have that 3 part clothes) & a cloth for shalawar for men...i mean all brothers & sisters & their partners...just for abu jan & ami jan we have another cloth also + Safron
when we came back they gift clothes to me & mom...
now for wedding will they bring anything? i dont know mom prepared a cloth for suit for my abu jan & a shirt dress for ami jan in case they will bring any gift for us...but not surely for brother sisters anymore...that time also we gave to full family as they gave to our full family rather ours r 4 & theirs r 10