I have brought a few gifts (clothing mainly) for my saas but find she never wears them. My devrani also buys her stuff and she makes good use of her gifts. My devrani and I have pretty similar tastes and our relationship with her is about the same in my view so I am not sure why this happens. Should I stop buying her gifts or continue wasting money and admittedly feeling a bit hurt? I don’t want to buy bath stuff or ornaments or perfumes etc because she has far too much of that stuff and it will just get thrown in a cupboard. Clothing is more useful as fashions change so fast and we don’t live in Pakistan so it’s not readily available.
Re: Gifts for in laws
Ask her directly, and politely about how to think about your observations and whats the truth in it. After you hear HER response, then make up your mind as to what you should be doing in future.
How can random strangers tell you what to do on this???
Re: Gifts for in laws
you could say that about any subject on this forum.
Re: Gifts for in laws
How’s your equation with devrani? If it’s a good one, then you could maybe get her input with shopping for MIL. Another option is to treat mil to shopping sometimes and that way she can get exactly what she wants…or…make a mental note of the things that she says she likes/wants. Or if possible you can ask her what patterns and cuts she’s more into these days or show her some examples/options and her response could give you an idea…unless she’ll say that she doesn’t need/want anything…and moms sometimes do that 
You could also try saying in a friendly way that “I noticed that you liked the style/design of suit devrani gave you and they looked really really nice on you last time you wore it so I bought you a similar style.” So…you won’t sound defensive but it kinda sorta gives a hint too. And it 's also possible that MIL does indeed wear the clothes you gifted her but maybe in your absence…so you missed it.
Re: Gifts for in laws
to completely by-pass the advice, and engage in an egotistical argument…
id point out that NO. Since your course of action depends on your SAAAS. And the truth of the matter can ONLY be with your SAAS. Asking her, is really the ONLY sure way instead of taking wild jabs. There is no room for “opinions” to your question unlike some posts that actually ask for mere opinion. your case is very simple and straight forward.
Re: Gifts for in laws
Could she have worn them other places and you just haven’t seen?
Re: Gifts for in laws
Gift cards maybe?
Re: Gifts for in laws
She lives with her in-laws.
Re: Gifts for in laws
I did ask the devrani about the last outfit I got and she liked it too but saas never wore it. In fact even my nands who saw it were saying how pretty it is and what good taste I have etc to her when they saw it.
Over here the pakistani ckothes available in shops are low quality or very expensive so I can’t really take her and buy stuff with her.
One of the other outfits I got her I sat down with various images and we came up with something after hours and hours of discussion but when it came she didn’t seem happy with it. Wore it once for the occasion she got it for and never again. Whereas the stuff my devrani has brought has been worn multiple times!
i guess I can get something similar to the ones she already has and see what happens then. I feel like it’s a waste to get something so similar (I always like to get different things to what I already have!) but maybe I can see then what she does. I just have a feeling though it will never get worn. I don’t understand why 
Re: Gifts for in laws
Maybe she likes it far too much to wear it?
Re: Gifts for in laws
Or even experience gifts…like lunch/dinner at her favorite restaurant..or a spa if she’s into that…or other outings. It doesn’t have to be clothes or ornaments all the time and sometimes when you have so many of the same type of gift…it result in you using one more than the other. Like when you have soooo many of pairs of shoes to choose from…but your favorite pair is used more often. So maybe try changing up the type of gift.
But it 's a waste to you, however maybe not to her. She might prefer it. There are people who will buy a few pairs of the same style (I’ve done that) and that’s fine too. So you can try doing that.
Re: Gifts for in laws
Give your MIL what she really wants/craves…your TIME! Your MIL has plenty of clothes, bath stuff, perfumes etc. Its not like she needs more. You wrote in the other thread that your MIL stays home during the day while you, your husband, and I assume FIL goes to work. She’s also the only female living in that house. If I were in your place, instead of buying MIL “stuff”, I would take her out and focus more on experiences.
During the weekend, do a “girls day out”. Take MIL out for lunch or even shopping. Take her out for a spa day where both of you get a facial, mani/pedi etc. Just b/c your devrani buys her stuff and MIL uses it…that doesn’t mean you have to give her the same type of stuff. But from what you wrote on the other thread, it seems that your MIL feels lonely and just wants to spend time with and talk to someone. Her being the only woman in the house…YOU are the only female she has access to on a regular basis. If your MIL is anything like my MIL (and they sound very similar), then she’ll value that experience more than material stuff.
Re: Gifts for in laws
Already do stuff like spa days and lunches to the extent that is possible. She’s a homebody and if I ever say I’m going out shopping tomorrow join me she will just say maybe next time I’m feeling tired. I already spend so much time with her that’s why I’m finding it suffocating. I get home at 7pm and sit with her until 11pm every evening. On Saturday it’s the one day I get to spend time with my husband and Sunday is for chores. I’m not sure how much more time I can give her.
This!
Re: Gifts for in laws
There is a difference between saying “I’m going shopping tomorrow…join me” versus “MIL…I was thinking that maybe you and I can have lunch. Just us girls. I think it would be nice for just the two of us to go grab something to eat while the boys stay home” or something like that. You need to make it seem like you want to spend with with HER and are excited about it…not that you want her to tag along while you go shopping.
And you know how to change it based on the other thread. Get your husband involved so you’re not spending 4 hours every evening with her.
But none of this is set in stone.
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You really spend every minute…from the time you wake up to until you go to bed…every-single-Saturday…with your husband? Do you guys just leave the home for the entire day? Is there any reason you can’t make plans for lunch or something with you MIL one Saturday and discus it with your husband before and the two of you go out to dinner (by yourselves) on Friday to make up for those hours?
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I work full-time too and do plenty of chores. I’m curious what “chores” do you have that takes up your ENTIRE Sunday every weekend that you can’t even go out to lunch every other Sunday or something like that?
The bottom line is that all this is flexible. You can’t give your MIL what YOU think she will love and then be upset b/c she’s not reacting the way you want her to. You know what makes her happy and with your husband’s help and a bit of re-arranging your schedule, you can give it to her if you really wanted to.
Re: Gifts for in laws
thanks for the suggestions but I know her better than anyone here. She is a homebody and if you ask her out she will always make excuses not to go out. It’s just not her thing and she is just a lot more comfortable in the house. She goes shopping maybe two or three times in the year. Enjoys eating her own cooked food not eating out. That’s just how she is.
At home I try to spend as much time as I can with her. I think it’s crazy that you’re suggesting I spend even more time with her and neglect all other people in my life. I also have parents, a husband, siblings and friends. I try to give them some of my time on my Saturday alternating between them all. On Sunday’s I have a lie in until 10-11am then I arrange all my things that get disorganised over the week, vacuum the whole house, do laundry and ironing, cook some dishes and yes in between all that I sit down with her whenever I need a breather and we have a chat over tea.
Re: Gifts for in laws
That’s what you got out of my post? 
Ok then…
Since you know her better than anyone else here, and there is 0 flexibility in your schedule…then I’m not really sure what you’re hoping to get out of this thread. 
Your initial question was whether you should continue wasting money by buying gifts or not. Well, that’s up to you and you only then since its your money and your feelings.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Re: Gifts for in laws
Full circle :halo:
Re: Gifts for in laws
Ok so seems like people here are having difficulty understanding the question. Maybe it wasn’t worded clearly.
Do you continue to buy gifts for someone who doesn’t make use of them? That someone in this case happens to be my mother in law. Maybe I shouldn’t feel any sense of obligation to get her a gift but I do when I am getting something for my own mother think of my mother in law too.
Re: Gifts for in laws
FC = RR ?