Yeah my family is not giving anything to my fiance’s family for the wedding. They don’t even want anything and they are so easy going! Expecting gifts is just so wrong! In fact my mother in law is so sweet, she keeps getting gifts for my mom and sister! The wedding is about you two not the in-laws.
Giving gifts should be banned! It’s an unnecessary headache for the girl’s family. They are giving away the daughter. That’s more than enough for the in-laws to be grateful to her parents for life!
Actually just like there's a law against serving food at weddings in Pakistan, there should be one against all this gift giving. It's utter nonsense.
is ist.......you mean serving food at the wedding is against the law.......
This tradition is something that both of our families practiced, so we found it natural to participate.
Groom's Mother: Gold Set, Heavy Sari, Heavy Shalwar Kameez
Groom's Father: Gold chain, designer dress shirt
Groom's Brothers (2): Designer polo shirt, gold chain
Groom's Brother's Fiance (1): Designer bag
Groom's Mother's/Father's siblings (12 couples): Designer dress shirt for men, Casual to heavy sari for women and a gold coin for the couple.
Beyond bari, I received a pair of 1ctw diamond studs and diamond from my FIL and sapphire dangle earrings from my FIL.
My husband and I gifted my MIL with a diamond bracelet.
Just wanted to add that I don't think this is something that my husband and I would make our children do, however, it is something that is observed by many families. I agree that it is definitely a bit overkill, but like many traditions it is still practiced. At the end of the day, if both families are in agreement, you may just have to oblige.
I remember coming on the forums hoping to gain some insight on what other families have done, hope my instance can be useful to someone else.
u r right shc after my experience me n my husband decided that we will not do these things in our kidz wedding .somebody has to stop these things so its better that become an example.anyways yaar sweetgirl this is life full of exciting things so we can't fight on everything righto alhamdullilah i have a very nice hubby n im having good life.n i my faith is whoever do something bad do it for himself .
Re: Gifts for In-Laws
My mother is all traditional when it comes to these things.. she gave so much stuff to everyone. However for the rukhsati, I have put my foot down and told her I will trash anything she buys and if she sneaks them behind my back, I will ask my inlaws, take the gifts from them and throw them away. There's no need for such extravagance when it has already been done once and that too on such a grand scale. Itna fuzool kharch seh acha hai mujhe de den ;)
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I don't understand why so many of you lasies have branded this as a fazool practice. I would certainly want to buy gifts for my future in laws and share in my good fortune/happiness.
It is a joyous occasion and our families want to celebrate the event by gifting each other. We gift our freinds on their birthday, anniversary etc. so why is it wrong to gift our families on something which is also a big event for them, not just the bride and groom. They are getting a new d-il, s-i-l etc. I just understand why so many of you criticise the tradition, but then maybe I'm just an exception and love buying gifts.
I don't understand why so many of you lasies have branded this as a fazool practice. I would certainly want to buy gifts for my future in laws and share in my good fortune/happiness.
It is a joyous occasion and our families want to celebrate the event by gifting each other. We gift our freinds on their birthday, anniversary etc. so why is it wrong to gift our families on something which is also a big event for them, not just the bride and groom. They are getting a new d-il, s-i-l etc. I just understand why so many of you criticise the tradition, but then maybe I'm just an exception and love buying gifts.
I get ur point... i don't mind gift giving when its done out of genuine happiness, but that's hardly ever the reason behind em..its more of an obligation, a cultural practice.
Fact is that the set up is extremely unfair. the burden is on the girls' side to provide everything. not only the immediate family (which again is understandable) but for their entire extended family. How is that right? I think every girl who HAS given stuff has some type of "horror story" on how teh gifts were returned or derogatory comments were passed. In the past, and I'm sure it goes on til now, a bahu would be mistreated b/c she didn't bring enough stuff.
Also, while the girls' family gifts the groom's entire family, the groom's side is NOT obligated to gift the girl's side whatsoever. Whatever htey do is out of kindness.
Another thing that i don't understand is how girls say "oh yeah such a bad tradition" but they still engage in it. at least be honest with yourselves and say you want to participate in it, instead of saying what's PC.
I don't understand why so many of you lasies have branded this as a fazool practice. I would certainly want to buy gifts for my future in laws and share in my good fortune/happiness.
It is a joyous occasion and our families want to celebrate the event by gifting each other. We gift our freinds on their birthday, anniversary etc. so why is it wrong to gift our families on something which is also a big event for them, not just the bride and groom. They are getting a new d-il, s-i-l etc. I just understand why so many of you criticise the tradition, but then maybe I'm just an exception and love buying gifts.
Because in many families, it is not looked upon as just 'gift exchange'.. the expectations are set high. Exchanging gifts with friends or family is something very different than with inlaws at time of wedding. Either you will see the bride complaining that her inlaws didn't give her enough baree or gold or didn't bring her nice stuff or you will see the inlaws making faces over something petty. In many cases, there is nothing genuine about gift giving anymore, it's mostly done for sho shaa purposes and that is called fuzool kharchi. It has become more of a cultural norm that to keep up with the standards, we must gift something extragavant. Do you really think that so many of these families that give out expensive things to inlaws do it out of love or for the pleasure of just giving gifts. I don't think so. It's either to show off how much money you have or parents do it so their daughters don't have to listen to taunts later. I have seen it happen so often- inlaws saying crap to the girl and making comparisons with other people in the social circle. If it's done with sincerety and within limits then that is a different story.. but even then there's no need to go crazy with it.
u r right shc after my experience me n my husband decided that we will not do these things in our kidz wedding .somebody has to stop these things so its better that become an example.anyways yaar sweetgirl this is life full of exciting things so we can't fight on everything righto alhamdullilah i have a very nice hubby n im having good life.n i my faith is whoever do something bad do it for himself .
i agree with you but i have always learn one thing if someone give you a gift than get it happily and dont look at the price or quality so maybe because of that i expect the same from others ....and even if you dont like the gift than still you should not return it....
.....well about your in-laws if they wanted to return than they should also return the gold stuff....well i also told my mom not to do these things in my wedding but she always say nahi karo gi to kal ko tumhari saas tumhai tanna marai ghi.......lol so i aways tell her karo to problem, na karo to problem
I think it's so odd if your in-laws actually have an expectation that they'll be getting gifts. It's rather demeaning. I think it's perfectly fine if it's a mutual exchange of gifts but 90% of the time, it never is. It's always the girl's side giving the gifts. I don't know but if my in-laws actually had an expectation that they would get outfits or gold sets from my family, I would be very offended and make that very clear to my fiance. But thank God my in-laws are very simple people and aren't like that at all.
I don't think I can get married into a family that has expectations of gifts...I think it's so wrong and perpetuates the century old myth that marrying a daughter off is a burden and anyone who accepts her should be showered with gifts.
Re: Gifts for In-Laws
^yeh tsk tsk tsk
Re: Gifts for In-Laws
one shud exchange gifts,it promot love and respect between each other but the point is ,the burden should not be upon one side .it should be from both sides.
Re: Gifts for In-Laws
All my mum and I got from one of my sister-in-laws family was a suit each, which we gave away cos they were ugly - and my SIL family are loaded.
We never expected any gold, but a nice suit each would have been nice - that's tradition right? My mum always says that giving/receiving gifts increases the love. I believe that too.
But, that's just me. I try and tailor a gift according to the recipients taste - otherwise there's no point in wasting you rmoney.
Re: Gifts for In-Laws
I think one common statement I have heard is: 'itna accha larka tou de rahe hain.. expensive gifts ki kia zaroorat hai..'
Re: Gifts for In-Laws
Sorry to keep bringing the old threads back again but I had a question and didn't wanna start a new one.
In the past, during all of my siblings weddings, we've given the women in their in-law's gold sets...but since the price of gold is SOO high we're not doing that this time, plus i think we've finally realized what a waste of money it is to do that.
So what other gifts can I give to my MIL and SIL? I don't live in pak so i can't get them material for suits. Plus I already got them really nice and exp. material during the nikah. I live in the US, so what other options do I have?
Re: Gifts for In-Laws
make up is usually appreciated by girls. Get them nice stuff from the body shop or other known brand names and put it in a nice basket and gift it...
perfumes are nice too.
Re: Gifts for In-Laws
gift baskets with makeup/toiletries would be nice. add a nice handbag or shoes maybe? perhaps a watch.
there are so many options for women. just choose what best fits your budget and their taste.
well correct me if im wrong but dont ur inlaws buy u walima jora (that can be costly) a set (more than 1) , i see sisters and brothers of the groom also giving gold . THey make u baree etc. so arent u just reciprocacting?
I think we being desis have made weddings and relationships harder than they really are with nonsense traditions
I am just bitter from personal experience
well correct me if im wrong but dont ur inlaws buy u walima jora (that can be costly) a set (more than 1) , i see sisters and brothers of the groom also giving gold . THey make u baree etc. so arent u just reciprocacting?
Technically thats not really reciprocating. The bride should/does get more stuff because she's the bride and deserves the special treatment and gifts. Yes, they are getting my valima outfit but we got everything for the wedding, including his sherwani.
Just because the bride is getting sets and what not doesn't mean the brides fam has to get the guys mom and sister sets as well...they're not the bride.
As far as i know they're not getting anything for my fam. And I want to get them something nice not cuz i feel like i have to but b/c i want to.