girls, would you mind if your husband lives with you in your home until you settle down?
guys, would you mind living in your in laws home until you settle down and have saved enough to buy a home
this applies to those guys who move to teh country of their wife after marriage
Re: ghar jamaai
I as a woman would not like my husband to live with me in my parents home.
I would find it very uncomfortable.
Re: ghar jamaai
first of all the correct word is "ghar jaNwaaii". laRke aur laRki ke ghar waaloN kii ijtimaa'ii koshish aur Khowaahish yehii hotii hai k nau byaahtaa joRaa apnii naii zindagii Khush raheN is liye is mushtarika hadaf kii HUsoolii ke liye jis madad kii zaroorat ho use ghar waaloN ko denii aur naye joRe ko lenii chaahiye...is meN, hamaarii anaa ko beech meN nahiiN aanaa chaahiye aur is nek-niyatii kaa naa-jaaiz kisii bhii party ko faaida nahiiN uThaanaa chaahiye :)
Re: ghar jamaai
It is obviously a very compromised situation and very realistic too, many guys who have to marry a girl living abroad have to depend on their already settled inlaws there, atleast initially. But if a guy has guts enough, he manages to be independent and stands out soon. There is n't much harm if situation or circumstances require this much of compromise (on a short term ofcourse).
In desi social system it is considered odd, although there could be hundred and one situations where the ghar jamayi isnt simply a loser who wants to feed off his inlaws. Sometimes its that the girl's parents demand it themselves for some grave reasons. Like if they are really old and sick and their only child is to get married too, i would encourage if the husband agrees to live with the wife's parents, because here the situation is exceptional. Parents thus become the responsibility of the girl as much the only son's parents would never be left alone and on their own if there was no one else to take care of them.
Re: ghar jamaai
Banda Kutta ho jai, ghar jawai na banay (no wrong meaning of this statement please as it is not based on any personal experiences :-D )
Re: ghar jamaai
no, never, ever 
Re: ghar jamaai
I wouldn't like it at all. I don't even want to live with my own parents after I get married. I'm very private.
If I had to, I would live with my in-laws but I would get a job ASAP and get my butt out of the house at the first opportunity. I want to provide for my family as best I can, on my own. Obviously everyone needs help sometimes but I wouldn't feel comfortable depending on someone else for an extended period of time.
Re: ghar jamaai
yeah why not. see no problem
Re: ghar jamaai
No, not in my parent's home.. When I'm married I'd want more privacy..
Re: ghar jamaai
Definately Not. If he can't afford us, marriage can wait. I don't see the need to rush in marriage when the guy can't fulfil his responsibilities. I would hate to have a husband for whom this be even an option.
Re: ghar jamaai
No, not in my parent's home or his.. When I'm married I'd want more privacy..
*yes, of course...but, privacy is one thing and need is yet another. i guess you would compromise if there is a dire need to live in your parent's home after you get married....right?
*
Definately Not. If he can't afford us, the marriage can wait. I don't see the need to rush in marriage when the guy can't fulfil his responsibilities. I would hate to have a husband for whom this be even an option.
that would be a valid and genuine reason not to rush into marriage but realisticallt there could be 101 reasons/needs of the hour to make a compromise. i'm sure you will make a compromise for a temporary arrangement. right?
Re: ghar jamaai
that would be a valid and genuine reason not to rush into marriage but realisticallt there could be 101 reasons/needs of the hour to make a compromise. i'm sure you will make a compromise for a temporary arrangement. right?
Give me one valid reason for it?
In life we have to make alot of compromises and there is nothing like i can never do this or that. But there are certain things we don't ever see ourself doing but then life is unpredicatable and we may have to actually do those things but really depends on the severity of the need to do it.
Re: ghar jamaai
Give me one valid reason for it?
In life we have to make alot of compromises and there is nothing like i can never do this or that. But there are certain things we don't ever see ourself doing but then life is unpredicatable and we may have to actually do those things but really depends on the severity of the need to do it.
**i'm NOT talking about extreme situations...i'm talking about real and ordinary situation. also, i'm NOT favouring permanently living as 'ghar jawaaiiN'...ok, i'll give you examples/situations:
-the husband comes from abroad, he has no job, no money...he has to live with in laws until he gets a job and settles down...it may take a few months.**
Re: ghar jamaai
i'm NOT talking about extreme situations...i'm talking about real and ordinary situation. also, i'm NOT favouring permanently living as 'ghar jawaaiiN'...ok, i'll give you examples/situations:
-the husband comes from abroad, he has no job, no money...he has to live with in laws until he gets a job and settles down...it may take a few months.
that would depend on why he needs to come from abroad in such a condition where he has to start from scratch?
Re: ghar jamaai
that would depend on why he needs to come from abroad in such a condition where he has to start from scratch?
**this is a common practice here that parents looks for a good match in their home countries. they find a person who just finished his education and from all angles he is a great match to their daughter. now, employment situation is such back home that it would be difficult for them to send their daughter over there. so the logical option is indeed to bring the boy over to where they are. the boy would have a much better future in the west. isn't that a wise and reasonable option to follow?
Khair, yeh to ek baat thii...har situation alaihda hoti hai aur agar zaroorat ho to daamaad kaa sasuraal meN rahnaa waqtii taur pe koi buraa nahiiN...mere Khayaal se! :)
**
Re: ghar jamaai
I mite be old fashioned or "backward" according to some people, but i don't understand all this.
Why do you want a guy from backhome? If you do, then trust him to make his living back home. Don't get him parceled here to make his living for him just because he married your daughter. Let the man take care of what he is suppose to. What is with this picking and choosing?! want a guy from back home but cnt see daughter settling there or the guy finding a suitable enough job.
Going back to my own question, 1 valid reason for this whole thing to be a temporary option for me would be that my house burn down and i dont have anywhere else to go and not even enough money to stay on rent/hotel so i have to do with my parent's home for a while. Otherwise i really dont see any reason.
Re: ghar jamaai
I mite be old fashioned or "backward" according to some people, but i don't understand all this.
Why do you want a guy from backhome? If you do, then trust him to make his living back home. Don't get him parceled here to make his living for him just because he married your daughter. Let the man take care of what he is suppose to. What is with this picking and choosing?! want a guy from back home but cnt see daughter settling there or the guy finding a suitable enough job.
Going back to my own question, 1 valid reason for this whole thing to be a temporary option for me would be that my house burn down and i dont have anywhere else to go and not even enough money to stay on rent/hotel so i have to do with my parent's home for a while. Otherwise i really dont see any reason.
you and i may differ on the issue and argue till eternity, but the fact remains that a LOT of parents are doing just that. i see boys coming over to Canada/US from India/Pakistan all the time. so, it's a fact and it's happening here and now! :)
Re: ghar jamaai
you and i may differ on the issue and argue till eternity, but the fact remains that a LOT of parents are doing just that. i see boys coming over to Canada/US from India/Pakistan all the time. so, it's a fact and it's happening here and now! :)
Alot of other things are happening around, doesnt make this or all those right :).
Re: ghar jamaai
*yes, of course...but, privacy is one thing and need is yet another. i guess you would compromise if there is a dire need to live in your parent's home after you get married....right? *
No, unless If it was literally a dire need eg. they were wheelchair-bound or were recovering from a heart attack or something (I don't count the infamous excuse 'diabetes' as dire need lol) but then preferably I would prefer mine or his parents to live in our home cos the idea of my partner and myself living out of my bedroom in my parent's home would be really really depressing..
If it was due to a problem at my end eg not enough money I actually wouldn't even marry unless we could afford our own place.. If husband was from abroad I'd be happy to work overtime and do whatever it takes to be able to do that but I wouldn't stay at home if I had a choice and if there was any genuine alternative..
Re: ghar jamaai
If I can afford his and my expenses and can contribute to my parents' household during his struggle period, I wouldn't mind. It'd be a good idea to save up on the rent.
But if we're both dependent on my parents, then yeah I would.