How do you get through to someone who just doesn’t listen??? I’m talking about my husband- i try to bring up things that are bothering me and he just has a “i’m mad that you’re mad” reaction- i never get a chance to even say what i need to say because we end up in a huge fight..
he also has to make everything “t!t for tat” - if i am having an issue with him then he has to come up with something about me and my issue never gets resolved
please help give me ideas of how i can get through to him
Re: getting through to someone...
Study him.
Re: getting through to someone...
show smile on your face and raise your concern in friendly manner. he might be offended therefore tit for tat situation occur.
Re: getting through to someone…
what did you do to piss him off?
Re: getting through to someone...
I compeltely understand this , happens with me too :)
I even tell him that but still it happens. My issues get resolved though as I am persistent and like it when things are resolved.
I usually go quiet at that time as I have a very bad temper and in the past we had these real big fights because I could not control my temper.
Later like after we get back from work or whatever but after I have calmed myself down, I talk to him again. Since we both have cooled down, it is easier to talk. You can also try writing to him like in an email or text him.
Re: getting through to someone...
seems like ego problem..
Re: getting through to someone...
What are those things which are bothering you about him? If you're not going to be specific, the advice you receive will be general/vague.
You say that he resorts to a "tit-for-tat".......and people usually do that when the discussion has has an accusatory/negative feel to it, thus making them defensive. So, reflect over how you're wording your concerns.
If discussing matters is not effective.....then try another strategy. Sometimes instead of nagging/ranting....if you just translate the rant into a concrete action/consequence....it's taken more seriously.
Praising a positive action/effort....can motivate a person to keep it up.
Again, you haven't specified what issues you have with your husband, but sometimes implementing space or changing a routine can help. Predictability can get boring.
Pick and choose your battles. There will be some subjects that are more sensitive than others....and if you do try to broach them, you have to be tactful/sensitive. Easier said than done.
Re: getting through to someone...
LOL.... How long u have been married?.....husbands usually don't listen.... Mine took 3yrs to listen and a other 3yrs to actually understands the fractions of what the heck I am talking about....:D...(note: I did not say he 'agrees' with me...it will take another four plus yrs or so....)
Re: getting through to someone...
What are those things which are bothering you about him? If you're not going to be specific, the advice you receive will be general/vague.
You say that he resorts to a "tit-for-tat".......and people usually do that when the discussion has has an accusatory/negative feel to it, thus making them defensive. So, reflect over how you're wording your concerns.
If discussing matters is not effective.....then try another strategy. Sometimes instead of nagging/ranting....if you just translate the rant into a concrete action/consequence....it's taken more seriously.
Praising a positive action/effort....can motivate a person to keep it up.
Again, you haven't specified what issues you have with your husband, but sometimes implementing space or changing a routine can help. Predictability can get boring.
Pick and choose your battles. There will be some subjects that are more sensitive than others....and if you do try to broach them, you have to be tactful/sensitive. Easier said than done.
ha- it's everything. he does this no matter what i bring up so i suppose general advice is what i need!
i like the praising idea- if i think he's doing something well/nice then i should say it and then maybe he'll be more receptive to hearing the problems too
also the wording- i will definitely try to not sound negative when i want to talk to him
thanks!
Re: getting through to someone...
LOL.... How long u have been married?.....husbands usually don't listen.... Mine took 3yrs to listen and a other 3yrs to actually understands the fractions of what the heck I am talking about....:D...(note: I did not say he 'agrees' with me...it will take another four plus yrs or so....)
hahaha i hope it doesn't take that long! it's been nearly a year for us..
Re: getting through to someone...
I compeltely understand this , happens with me too :) I even tell him that but still it happens. My issues get resolved though as I am persistent and like it when things are resolved. I usually go quiet at that time as I have a very bad temper and in the past we had these real big fights because I could not control my temper.
Later like after we get back from work or whatever but after I have calmed myself down, I talk to him again. Since we both have cooled down, it is easier to talk. You can also try writing to him like in an email or text him.
wow we sound like twins ;)
Re: getting through to someone...
show smile on your face and raise your concern in friendly manner. he might be offended therefore tit for tat situation occur.
yes, i should smile more
thanks for reminding me :)
Re: getting through to someone…
this is gold 
talk about ur concerns when he’s in a good mood. Dont talk about stuff before, during or after work. Try weekends. Maybe after a nice lunch :k:
Re: getting through to someone...
I think my SO has this problem with me. I think his persistence works as well as how he words it somehow I listen to him more when he words it better..
I would suggest using words like, "It affects me", "I wanted", "I know" and "what is the point of marriage _____ if you won't even listen to me?"
and yes smile~
if you have any problems though I could help :)
Re: getting through to someone…
and sour his mood? thats an awesome idea.
Re: getting through to someone...
and sour his mood? thats an awesome idea.
works with some :) Doesnt have to with everyone
you have a clearer head when you're happy.
Re: getting through to someone...
I think my SO has this problem with me. I think his persistence works as well as how he words it somehow I listen to him more when he words it better..
I would suggest using words like, "It affects me", "I wanted", "I know" and "what is the point of marriage _____ if you won't even listen to me?"
and yes smile~ if you have any problems though I could help :)
thanks girl :)
if you are like my husband in this regard then perhaps you could do wonders for me hehe
Re: getting through to someone...
works with some :) Doesnt have to with everyone
you have a clearer head when you're happy.
yeah, i've thought from both perspectives- try it when he's in a good mood, but then risk ruining it OR try it after his work and risk making him more stressed and/or less receptive
what a pickle
Re: getting through to someone...
Pick and choose your battles. There will be some subjects that are more sensitive than others....and if you do try to broach them, you have to be tactful/sensitive. Easier said than done.
I like the sound of this.
Re: getting through to someone...
figure out whether it really needs to be talked about..
sometimes, something really may be irritating us on one day, and a day or two later, it may become quite insignificant. . I have learnt this overtime.
Not everything is a mountain and not everything is worth discussing. Sometimes, seeing the SO just happy, is enough to let go of whatever is paining us.
For whatever reason, if the pain or annoyance persists, like I said, discuss it when he's in a lighter mood. Its taken a lot better than whey they are stressed out and tired (or dont have food in the tummy) :)